Originally posted by Yunhaier:
The sense of insecurity is usually imaginary -
people reckon that something negative will happen even though you
showed no blatant signs of drifting. The sense of insecurity is
conjured by the ghost of their inferior esteem, which was probably
reinforced from previous failed relationship experience or negative
childhood ideology of love - that they gradually form a cognitive
model of what 'love' means to them.
Inferior esteem begets inferior model/structure of love.
When you returned back to your relationship, it's like reading the
same book with a different cover page. Do you seriously think that
things will change just because there was a three months
rest?
It's silly to assume that people will evolve just because there was
a transitory separation, especially if it involved personalities or
core beliefs. While you are expecting her to tone down on her
attitude, she is requesting you to be more sensitive to her needs -
eventually none of you did achieve success in this compromising,
which was why old problems haunted because there wasn't any new
solution to tackle this issue.
It seemed that the both of you are reminiscing on previous,
'better' times of the relationship and surviving solely on that
(plus habitual reason), rather than the reason of love.
Unable to get used to your new life is a bad excuse to patch back -
it's for your own self absorbed reason, don't you think?
Your circumstance thickens with complication as she began to
cohabit with you (I am presuming that she has left house and is
currently taking residence at your place). Her dependency on you
increases and so is her insecurity [b]because now, she needs you more
than you need her in that sense.
Your woman belongs to an archetype of love personality who rejected
the notion to believe that love could be harmonious and fulfilling.
They will constantly find cracks within the structure of their love
relationship, to prove their invalid point: that all relationships
are unstable and my partner will flee because everybody else seemed
to be a better 'grade' than I do, when they should focus those time
and energy into fostering a better bond and a more breathable
relationship. They are conditioned by their environment and
experience to believe sincerely that they are not entitled a
harmonious relationship - and that their man/woman will bound to
cheat them and invite all sort of emotional suffering in their
life. And because you did not cheat on her technically, she
pictured it psychologically and received the same torment in kind
because subconsciously, she wants to prove the point about her
being unloving and nothing good will ever happen to her - a self
fulfilling prophesy.
That's a blind spot - adding onto the fact that it's in a very
challenging angle to restore and cleanse those emotional
deficiency. Of course, I believe that most people carry certain
kind of emotional defects from their past/development stages unto
their present/future relationship and throughout their life.
Are you able to accept her definition and perception of what she
reckons to be a workable relationship? To drop contacts with all
other women in your life and shower more TLC? On the reverse, is
she able to accept that a healthy relationship consists of life
outside love and your conservative approach in affection?
Two distinctive definitions will create chaos unless assimilation
is achieved. Both of you do not have to pick the extreme - a blend
and mix of a compromised definition that is accepted mutually will
work nicely and lower the intensity of the relationship.
That's if you could still tap on the motivation of love to give you
the endurance needed to smooth out the edges of this relationship.
It makes no sense if your overwhelming disappointment overshadowed
your fluttering love - probably spells an impending doom? 
Cheers [/b]
wahhh damn cheem
*claps hands*
