Relationship in gray area: Advance or retreat?

social_misfit SG

After agreeing to see a movie but never fixed a date, over a weekend, she told me that she has seen the show we agreed to see. So she suggested another movie in July instead.

Today I tried to update and check with her on when we may probably see the show in July, now then she told me she will be going overseas with her friends on a tour in mid-July. And suggested we can still see the show end of July or beginning August or if no longer showing, another movie.

I'm now starting to wonder if she's too nice to turn me down, agreeing to go out first and then delaying when the dates get nearer when she feels uncomfortable going out with me.

Until now, I haven't had the chance to meet her and speak to her about how I feel. Now I have the guts, but not the chance.

Does this spell doom for me? Confused

Sometimes, I really wonder if it's time to be upfront and ask her point-blank whether she feels uncomfortable going out with me. On one hand, I don't want to keep pestering her if she really doesn't want to go out with me, so I need to know how she really feel. On the other hand, it may make me appear as if I cannot be understanding enough to accomodate her.

The waiting game is getting agonisingly painful. The problem is: I don't know what is really going on. If she's genuninely interested in going out with me, I don't mind waiting. However, if she's using the delaying tactics to avoid going out with me, then no point continuing to pester her.

Devil1976 SG

Hmm... For a moment here, I should say you're really thinking too much... I would advise you to hold your horses and not imagine too many things..

Increase meet ups if you want to (and if you can?), but take rejections in the face and not be a sore-loser pls...?

Personally, whether you're getting it or not... I don't think you're ready for this relationship yet... You painfully lack control over yourself just standing by the side of this incoming alone... If it really happens to bloom into something more, I can hardly see how you're gonna be handling it well...?

seancannot SG

i do not know about you but I was in your situation before my problem.. it was the fear of rejection holding me back from asking for her hand.... I feel the same way like you do in the first date... so its natural...

In a nut shell just be confident and move forward and accept the result whatever will be ...will be !

walesa SG

I think a prevalent trait that I've observed among Asians in general(basically those brought up in an Asian culture) - and I'm not just talking about girls - is the lack of want to take an initiative in forging inter-personal relationships(and I don't just mean boy-girl ones). Having studied and worked in many parts of the world myself, I do feel that is often a major obstacle which prevents strong bonds from being formed.

Back to your issue Mr. Green . If this(the part where you lament she doesn't take much initiative to start a conversation or ask you out and you had to do everything) hadn't been described in an Asian context, then it'd probably mean she has no interest in you. That said, I don't think her body language(or lack thereof) should put you off just yet - as many have already said on this thread, the fact that she has been willing to go out with you should leave you with some hope. Then again, how and what you're prepared to do with this 'hope' also depends on you - are you prepared to be the one initiating things every time for the foreseeable future, for instance? In essence, I think you need to reassess your objectives(ie.how far you're prepared to go to win her over) in this endeavour and re-strategise your moves to attain what you want. Nevertheless, just keep in mind that her body language may not indicate a disinterest in you.

Personally, such a problem has never - and in all likelihood, will never - plague me simply because I've never believed in any sort of a relationship where both parties are not prepared to move on to "the next level" mutually(so basically, I wouldn't even see myself having a future with someone who doesn't want/bother/dare to take the initiative to initiate something with me Surprised ).

used SG

yar! but don be too direct or she will freak out. let her know ur feelings for her then she may open up to you. gook luck! Very Happy

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