Frankly, i'm sorry i can't share my whole story here.
but pls pls dun misunderstand me, i am not complaining &
definitely not doing nothing. I did tried lotsa 'stunts'. but it
onli get worse... weaken my 'enegries'. I mentioned 'signs' or
'messages', which i realised, this is wat i must go through, u did
too rite during the 9yrs?. Note: I am not hearing voices or seeing
things
The 9yrs, I admit was a horrible experience. Maybe all I can tell
you now is that you've been trying too hard. Both of us has been
trying too hard that we forgot how to let go. I don't know how true
this is but now I do believe that God is still fair. You fail in an
exam, you pay the price for it by having to go through it again for
a year and another exam come. If during that repeat year, you learn
well, you pass yoru exam this time round and you'll be well
rewarded. (Laymans term. Hope you understand what I'm trying to
say. I'm not very good in English.) At least for me, I saw it
happen.
Jus review in brief - 'I had near death situation a few
times in the past, i learnt that if u are prepare to live, u must
prepare to die... 'it' had given me tonnes of good reasons to live,
at the same time good reasons to die."...begining to sound like
pyscho
Haha...so does that make me a pyscho too? In my previous post, I
mention that I don't have the courage to die. Actually not quite
true. It's not about courage. There's more reasons for me to live
on than to die although death will put a stop to the pain I felt.
It's a battle between my brain and my heart. Honestly, the war is
still on and I can't be sure that one day I'll succumb to
Death.
I like the way you phase it "If you are prepared to live, you must
be prepared to die" but what not say it this way "If you are
prepared to die, then you must be prepared to live"? 
Like most of the posts, in the past, i dun really take
'destiny' seriously & it doesn't bother me at all. I took every
opportunities to achieve my goals, never looking back & no
regrets, also ignorant to others' feelings, including
parents.
Ok I must confess, I had 'destiny' in my hands in a wrong way, I
thought knew 'destiny', I did change it... for a 'price' &...
'retribution'.
You know...Buddah got this saying that if one can still see his own
wrong doings, he still can be saved. It's never too late to turn
back if you are willing to. But remember, like I say in the
previous post, "Destiny" is the destination all humans are heading
and the path is our "Fate". Should we make a wrong choice and took
the wrong path, it's never too late to turn back but on the way
back is where we'll suffer the consequences of our own mistakes.
Short to say, if you have already walk 12km of the wrong path, you
have to walk back 12km to where you are in the beginning of the
split road and take the other path. Worth it or not, you'll decide.
But the earlier you turn back, the lesser sufferings you'll go
through.
(P.S. Sorry to bring in religion. I'm a free thinker but I learn
the good teachings of all religions to help myself to be a better
person. No offence intended.)
