You are assuming that YOUR guy, whom you have a
crush on, will read you like a book? This is NOT EVEN the case for
actual couple, for it often leads to miscommunication... so what
makes you think that he can mind-read you? Whether he has feelings
for you or not, this is still questionable. Remember that emotions
can be fleeting; your intense liking for him doesn't mean he share
the same intensity for you.
You are dwelling in this bottomless pit of self pity because of
your constant refusal to get yourself out of your plight
permanently. You tried to change what you don't feel good about
yourself, but you are so conscious about how people view you.
People may have look at you with an appraising eye, but does it
matter? Are you allowing them the chance to judge you and
with you accepting
this judgment from them? 
Who are these
people to you? Do you ever realise that nobody have the power to
harm you psychological and emotionally UNLESS you allow them
to?
God didn't take anything away from you - God is
teaching you some important lessons in your life that will LAST you
until you breathe your last on Earth.
What happened in the past and everything else will work to bring
you to the lowest state in life. Your self worth is tarnished and
everything becomes bleak. The reason is because you let them
degenerate yourself. So what if this guy is your crush? It doesn't
mean that he has the power or position to destroy your self
esteem... MOREOVER, he isn't your boyfriend. All this 'sacrifice'
or torment is for a lost cause.
Are you going to continue this way? By allowing others, who are
supposed to be the bunch of people that makes no meaning in your
life... to govern your future? Look... these are the people whom
want you to fail... don't want you to improve yourself... don't
want you to succeed in any ways: why are you subconsciously
listening to their hidden message they already intended to spread
to you?
You are accepting what others have falsely claim of you,
your ability, your strength... and most important of all:
your potential.
And your adversary will rejoice at your foolishness because you are
an easy target: your mind is easy to conquer.
You don't need the eloquence to scold people or a huge temper for
deterrence - you only need a good mindset to bring yourself out of
this hell hole. You need an intense emotional drive to improve
yourself - try making your man regret for his decision. You got to
excel beyond his every imagination and got to picture in your head,
one day, when he comes chasing you... You will look at him and tell
him this:
'Probably one-two years back, I
may have readily agreed... but now... I don't need you
anymore.'
Remember, you don't have to bow your head and walk through life -
it is a choice made. 
Cheers
