Dear Mink77,
Both of you have to eventually realise that, as a relationship
progresses, the "sparks" won't be there anymore. As a relationship
deepens, what you build (hopefully) is a solid bond in which both
of you care deeply about each other, support each other, are each
other's best friends, & of course, do things for each other
that keep the sparks alive.
In the beginning, everything appears to be roses, & every
experience is new. However, there isn't the depth in a
relationship, & you never know whether that person will support
you when things get tough. Or boring because you're too stressed
out at work or studies (or whatever reasons) at some point in time.
A deeper relationship goes beyond this, because there already is
understanding & support.
Pure blind passion & love are totally different matters.
Affection (read: PDA) may lessen, but sometimes it's also part
& parcel? That's when people say that marriages &
relationships take work, because the parties have taken off the
rose-tinted glasses & actually see their partners for what they
are, warts & all. You'll still hafta do little things to show
her she still matters, & she also has to do things for you, Not
simply break things off when it gets a little stale...
If you feel there's a chance for you to win her back, remember that
a sudden burst of passion & "romance" that isn't sustainable
will mean that even if she gets back with you, the same problems
will occur. What you'll need to do is mentally KNOW that you'll
hafta do things at a constant level to break the monotomy that
causes a relationship to grow "stale".
My guy & I try to surprise each other on a regular basis, &
to make each other smile. The gifts or gestures need Not be
extravagant, but the effort behind that gift or gesture is what is
appreciated & cherished. If she does something nice for you, No
matter how small or insignificant it seems, recognise the effort
she put into the thought behind the deed, & reward her with
your biggest smile, a big hug, a kiss or whatever to make her smile
back. And make this REGULAR. I'm Not saying you hafta do this
everyday, or it'll grow stale, but try to also surprise her at
times. It doesn't need to be expensive, it only needs to be enough
to let her know how much she's treasured.
If she doesn't wanna talk to you at the moment, doesn't matter.
Drop her an SMS a day (Nothing more, or she'll think you're being a
pest), don't give those grandiose sentences or phrases about how
she's your life, blah blah blah. Just tell her how your day went.
Once a week, perhaps tell her what you're doing over the weekend
& tell her you kinda wish you could share that with her. The
key is perhaps, to trigger nostalgia, Not irritation.
It's a fine line to tread, but if done properly, it COULD work.
There're many who'll ignore this bit & bombard their exes with
phonecalls, gifts, SMSes, etc. Clearly, they don't understand the
phrase, "in moderation". Go with your instincts, but don't overdo
things.
I wish you well.
FeowFeow
