Hurting someone

Big Bot SG

May I suggest you do the extreme and go on a date with him... yaya I know you don't want to... but do so reluctantly...

Make all the decisions eg:: where to go blah blah, during the date and act disinterested all the way during the date.

I am sure he won't be happy to see you unhappy on the date and he should be able to leave you willingly and fufillingly since he already has a taste of what being with you is like.

That way he should leave you willingly and you won't hurt him at all.

Who noes... you might fall for him on that date? Rolling Eyes

milktea SG

Sorry for the late reply.....
I took the chance 2 days ago to tell him straight that there wasnt a possiblity of us getting tog at all, not now and definitely not in the future too. He seemed to take it quite well at first and told me that he respects my decision.

The thing is....i think he has been trying to avoid me for these couple of days and now im beginning to believe tat he really cant bring himself to hang ard me anymore. I cant believe that our friendship is over juz bcos of this......it really sucks.

subarugal SG

woo.. similar experiences

what i did was
- tell him frankly, i do not have the same feel as him
- cut down contacts
- ask him to sort out his thoughts as i have already point out my feel
to keep me as friend or lose this friend

Sometime there isn't any choice i guess if the party is too stubborn.

But seriously dnt agree to humiliate him/her in public. Wink

its always to better to feel hurt now then later right ?
Stand firm on our ground if there isn't any feel. Wink

Magnus SG

Well, if he do not have 'friendship' all the while in his mind, it's usually very difficult to remain as friends.

Yoiu have to be cruel to be kind.

drx SG

It takes a while for the guy to accept the fact, give him some time. I was in his shoes once and I suffer far worst than him.

I still remember when I was young when I was slapped in front of my friends and public by the girl who I loved so much cos I confess I love her.

I was so shook that I stood there wandering why I have done to deserve this?

Still remember the incident till today but I had already forgive her and we were the best of friends now.

It takes a while to forgive her, I took around 1 year just to stop hating her,
1 year to start talking to her.

Now that both of us were older, I asked her why she slapped me?
She said that she was too shocked by my action and decided to put a stop to it all and to wake up my idea.

Agree it was very hash lesson for me and I learned it the hard way.

I experienced the worst version of my own method of

"next time when you go out for a group outing declare that you do not like him in front of everyone."

I faced it all and learnt that sometimes a girl got to be bad in order to get the message across.

Sometimes I looked back and realise how silly I was but I do not regret it cos I got the guts to declare my love for the girl.

M©+square SG

I've experienced my fair share, however, my conclusion is opposite from yours. Smile

Cheers

smudgey SG

Hey milktea... take it easy,

he WAS being rejected. finding out the feelings you have for some one is not mutual, and can never be mutual... well you don't expect him to snap his fingers and be like "ok, I don't like you in that way anymore... let's just go out as friends.... hey... that girl is kinda cute... just my type... i wonder if she'll like me too..." no, right?

He'll have to spend time AWAY from you to get over you. maybe when he have moved on, u to can be friends again but then keyword is MAYBE.

an ex admirer of mine recently got back in touch after... 6 yrs, don't think it took him that long to get over me (i'm no goddess) but sometimes after moving on there is the mian zhi (pride) question. no matter how cruel/gentle you were, his pride will still be hurted. some guys get over that some guys don't.

don't be to sad... sometimes to help a friend you have to let him go.

Devil1976 SG

You chose to reject the BGR and now he can choose if he can accept the friendship?

In all relationships, it would take at least 2 hands to clap.... Perhaps he just can't accept things for now? See how things go bah...?

M©+square SG

This reaction is ideal and good.

Like what the above post said.
You cannot control what comes after that, let time tell.

Move on! Wink

Cheers

milktea SG

Ya….i also think that pride is the thing that is holding him back…....i understand that i should give him time to sort things out…..but u all should know that usually the friendship would neva be able to go back to being the same as before. I do dread the awkwardness….

drx SG

no need to worry if I can be friends with her after so long,
so can you and him, just give him time for him to accept things.
Try not to rush, as matters of the heart require some time to settle down.

He loves you a lot that is why he reacts this way, if he does not love you at all, his recovery time is much shorter usually a week.

smudgey SG

that is true unfortunately Sad however that's just life.... like in sec sch you could be buddy buddy with one person but after sec sch, both move off in diff directions... and the feeling is just not the same again, just not that close anymore...

things like this happens all the time, unfortunately

black_avarice SG

Well i agree with rest this will take time but high chance u all can be friends in the future la .. when u all mature a bit more the thinking will change la and who knows this might even become some sort of a "fun" topic to reminicise on ...in future

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