Valuable Advice Needed on How to Deal with Slime Ball

last SG · 2005-06-28T23:15:08+00:00

i too has this problem , with my gf .... she got to many guy friends , when i ask her who la ... she gets pissed off .... some time infront of me also she ta...

astroseal SG

well well. Some of the things you pple suggested I have thot of. Like geting my gal frens to msg me and I wont tell her who msg me etc. But I thot it over and feels that I dont have to be mean to her even if she is mean to me at times.

Thats why I am moving very cautiously in these. I din want to piss her off. She has very very short temper and patience. Of coz I would remind her once in a while that " Dnt do to others what you dnt want others to do to you" these kinda statements etc lah.philosophical i guess. And i dont know how much she really absorb. Just trying to put those thots into her. I think they are very valid thots in a relationship.

Last but not least, I know she din not do any thing funny behind me. That I am quite sure. Just that maybe she needed another voice,so as to speak. I had mentioned taht her job is very stressful.

I always reminded her that she can talk to me if she has any problem etc. I will be more than willing to listen to her etc. Many times, after we had a unpleasant encounter, went thru the shit,talked etc... then realised that prior to that in the day etc, she had some problems or nasty encounters at work. She dont talk to me abt it, just vent on me when i did even know whats her problem.

Of coz that happens only when she is feeling lousy.

Just that that #$% likes to "jiok jiok" her and she doesnt ind replying.... Guess I have to learn to adapt to this harrassment. Maybe after our marriage, that #$%^ get the idea and just buzz the @#$% out of our lives.

arrggh SG

Everything you described is a mirror image of what I have been through. Gf sms and call another guy when I am around, ask her who's she's smsing or calling, will tell me that I am restricting her freedom.. going out with other guys behind my back... haha.. we are so alike!

shaunlaw SG

Great minds think alike??

astroseal SG

Not think alike. Just that some pple happens to be in the same situation.

Anyway, I feel that in a relationship. There must be give and take. The saddest thing is despite all you have done, all the effort put in, the other party dun reciprocate.

Quite disappointed with my gf's thinking. She said if you want to do things, dont think of expecting reciprocation coz usually thats leads to great disappointment. Never mind reciprocation. All i ask for is appreciation. I think the two are essentially different concepts altogether. I feels that she is always taking things for granted.

How many of you have partners take take all you have done for granted. Itz something expected of you yet if you dont do it, it doesn seem right.

nnilsia SG

hey asatroseal and arrggh,

I was in the same exact shoes as the two of u!! haha, I totally can relate to EVERY SINGLE THING the two of u have typed. Juz like to share my experience:

I gave and gave too, she was a taker all the way.....also asked me not to expect anything in return for all that I wanna do....no reciprocation. It was crazy of me.....a completely zero-return investment of my time, energy, money, and emotional strength into a r/s she's made so worthless.....At the end of it all, it juz seemed like she had a good time with me, got me to pay the bills, drive her around, be a nice temp companion....and afterwards leave for other guys when she gets tired of me......I feel screwed, exploited, shortchanged and dun noe wat else......

Even though I saw the futileness of the r/s, I oso clinged on literally like a sucker. She was also seeing other guys behind my back until I finally caught her (figuratively, not physically red-handed) and she admitted flirting ard with some other guys.....

And at tt point, I learned something new abt myself - tt I can tolerate everything horrible about a girl except for unfaithfulness and infidelity.....and I finally found the strength to close the door on her for good......I will not and never again be taken for a fool/idiot who waits on her while she has a nice time with her multiple men. I have my own dignity (and all those out there in the same situation should think the same too!!).

U noe, really, if your damn female canine can get tired of u this early in a r/s and start having fun with other men, do u think a marriage with her will survive?? Trust me man, u will NEVER be able to forget those imaginary images in ur head of her frolicking with other guys.....U can forgive, but u wun forget........u wanna bring these disgusting tots of ur partner into ur marriage?? Its really ur choice.....For me, if we get together again, it'll certainly play in my head should we have any possible intimate moments.....Its an indelible emotional scar she's inflicted upon me and will always remain......

I used not to be able to get over her, but now juz thinking of her UNFAITHFULNESS alone is MORE THAN SUFFICIENT to totally turn me off. Well, at least I've learnt this very important lesson about myself, both for now and later in life.....

Hey guys, dun allow the girl to make a mockery outta u......

Li Ka Shing SG

Hello....

Just want to mention something. Do u think ur GF appreciate u, and ur relationship with her? Since she is 'accepting' the attention of other men, and get impatient easily with u, making u as a sort of a punching bag to relieve her work stress.

Do u think these are signs that she appreciates u and the relationship?
I think u mentioned this concern urself.

If I were u, Im not too concerned about the other guy, but what all these mean. It means ur GF doesnt appreciate u, and she has low EQ (coz taking out her work stress on u, no emotional maturity).

Perhaps u put urself in this position. From now on, try to make ur GF appreciate u and ur relationship. If that doesnt work out, leave her. Find another GF with a better EQ.

BillyBong SG

Pretty much answered here...

Asking her to stop msging or anything along that line is tantamount to 'restricting her freedom'. Take it from a gal's point of view.

If she's faithful, she won't stray no matter what temptations she may get and this guy might just be a close friend. Are you asking her to IGNORE him?

Anyway, unless you have read his SMSs to your gf, you can't be sure of what he messaged and all you have is a whole lot of suspicion and speculation.

That does not bode well for a relationship. Perhaps to alleviate your fears you can talk to your gal and ask to see some of the messages. As long as you tell her that you want to lay some ghosts to rest, she should not object. Relationships are after all built on trust.

That's my suggestion.

astroseal SG

I know she is not appreciative and taking things for granted. She admitted that she has not been kind to me.Yet she doesnt seem to do anything about it.

As for her EQ, i duno. I would say EQ = temper as well. She is very short tempered. at least to me coz she is taking me for granted.

To be fair to her, i know the kinda stress she had to undertake coz i can see the shit she has to take. As far as I can, i try to accommodate her, make weekends enjoyable for her, remind her constantly not to bring work back home after work etc.

One more thing she wasnt like this in the past. It only happen few months ago.

I must confess. We are together for 2 yrs. In initial period was all sweetness. There is a period in between which i think i caused her great distress. It not consistantly a period of distress.We did shared our enjoyable moments at times. And dont get me wrong. I din do anything unfaithful or go after other gals or contact other gals. I just take her for granted and din really give her much attention or rather as much attention as she wants. We fight and make up and the cycle repeats till a breaking point. That was the lowest point. That was few months ago. I managed to salvage the situation and we had a better understanding and have since been the best I can give and love.I have also try to curb my temper.I am also hot tempered. Maybe this is call retribution. Yet throughout, tho i took her for granted, I never stop loving her or caring for her. She knows that. I muz say currently i am like running at 200% yet on her part, i see at most 20%. Such disparity. I am so burnt out and always feeling very tired. Got to think of how to help her relax yet at the same time,contend with the @#$%harressment.

that aside, am just trying to be constructive.sometimes she sees it, sometimes she dont. I just have to work harder. anyway,the finishing line is in sight. preservere......yeah. Very Happy

For now,be cool so as not to jeapodize things and @#$% can profit from the situation, do thing wen4 xing1 wu2 kui4 ( ask heart no remorse) as i always did, work hard,continue to love and I will victorious.

#$%^ is in the dark trying to cause damage.I am in the light. Light will prevail against the dark. Who says all of God's children are good. That @#$% is a serpent pretending to be a good guy. No offence to fellow christians here but I do believe no religion teaches one to cause harm to others or have the intent anyway.

astroseal SG

I mention i make a good PI. Firstly this #$%^ is not a close friend. I know all her close frens. She only got to know this #$% fews months ago. As for smses, I did managed to see some tho not ethical. the content is to me is" itz none of your business type"

she aint ur gf, why msg asking if she is alseep, busy etc. and call and msg ever so often. like i mentioned earlier, her best fren (a guy) also only ask her out once in a while to have dinner to catch up.

she wont let me see her msg.i think just asking her wld pissed her off.in fact she is quite protective of her hp. in fact she is always keeping her hp in silent mode.

gerrykoh SG

The problem is with your gf.
She should be discouraging the guy if she is serious about u.
Most guys will not do anything if they know a girl is attached.
Even those persistent ones who try, will give up if the girl is not interested.

Have a good talk with her. Let her know her actions are hurting u.
Ask her how she feels if a third party keeps messaging u.
If she still persists, then u need to evaluate whether u still want to continue this r/s.

astroseal SG

I wish itz that easy to talk to her. I also want to have a good talk with her. But several factors to take into a/c. Her temper is short and she dont like to hear what she dont like to hear.or simply she only wants to hear things she dont want to hear. Secondly, she is always so beat up after a day's work I am 100% she cant get it in. Lastly, i treasure our weekends together. itz so short. And during these period she is perfectly okay and I dont wana spoil the short precious moment we get for the week. i always look forward to weekends. weekends i try not to bug her coz she finds that i am like controlling her, sticking to her too much etc.

One question to all out there esp the gals. Dont you are like your other halves to place you with utmost importance and shower you with all the love,care and attention? who doest????? For the guys, how much do you stick to your halves???? Isnt it a normal for couples to want to spend as much time with one another???? To me is perfectly normal. Considering I try not to do it on weekdays.

Just feel that the give and take part is too wide a difference. At least some consideration for pple's feeling and appreciation is better than nothing even when you dont want to reciprocate.

To be loved is a blessing. Chinese saying bei ai si xin fu de.......... Sighz............ dont guys feel good too if itz the other way round.

how many of you are givers? takers??? or 50/50. or more biased to one than the other.......

maybe can identify your gender coz sometimes not easy to deduce from your nick

nuchio SG

i am a female...

maybe you both had a good relationship in the past... but time has changed and things are different now.

i would blame her....... for letting him pursue her... whatever the reason she has; need for attention, need to feel desired, need to get you to be jealous etc.

there is no need to cause you pain and anguish... this is really plain for all to see.

she has done nothing to assure you, to keep the relationship going smoothly.

if you love someone enough and treasures the relationship, would you do something like talking/sms-ing someone constantly and risk jeopardising your relationship with the one you plan to spend the rest of my life with???

i wouldnt... would anyone out there ??

talk to her; let her know how you think and feel. you have the right to know and do what it takes to protect the relationship. it is also her responsibilty to work things out with you and talk things over.

if she is not willing to change her ways and you know that you cannot live with this, you know jolly well she isnt the one for you.

the whole idea of dating is to find out if this is the one for you; to spend the rest of your life with. if she isnt, its time to just let go.

Devil1976 SG

Yeah... HAPPENED to me BEFORE TOO... And my gf USED to SHARE the SMSes and E-MAILS with ME.. Twisted Evil

What you can do.... Well.. Just take it as a 'HEALTHY competition'...? Just because your gf is ATTACHED to you, doesn't mean that it's the END of the STORY...? LOVE her MORE... INTEREST HER... DO THINGS... CARE for her... Think on the BRIGHT SIDE... At least you've got an upperhand on KNOWING your gf BETTER 1ST...?? Do you have FAITH in YOUR GF...? If you can't BEAT THIS GUY, are you saying that your gf would just LEAVE YOU if an EVEN BETTER ONE COME ALONG...?

COME ON... She doesn't even have to SMS IN FRONT OF YOU if she really wants to CHEAT on you... Maybe she's just telling you indirectly that you should be giving her MORE ATTENTION...??

DO YOUR STUFFS... HAVE CONFIDENCE YEAH...? Wink

ILPSY SG

Originally posted by astroseal:

I must confess. We are together for 2 yrs. In initial period was all sweetness. There is a period in between which i think i caused her great distress. It not consistantly a period of distress.We did shared our enjoyable moments at times. And dont get me wrong. I din do anything unfaithful or go after other gals or contact other gals. [b]I just take her for granted and din really give her much attention or rather as much attention as she wants. We fight and make up and the cycle repeats till a breaking point. That was the lowest point. That was few months ago. I managed to salvage the situation and we had a better understanding and have since been the best I can give and love.I have also try to curb my temper.I am also hot tempered. Maybe this is call retribution. Yet throughout, tho i took her for granted, I never stop loving her or caring for her. She knows that. I muz say currently i am like running at 200% yet on her part, i see at most 20%. Such disparity. I am so burnt out and always feeling very tired. Got to think of how to help her relax yet at the same time,contend with the @#$%harressment.

[/b]

You mentioned that in the past that you din gave her the attention that she wanted and you guys almost break up due to this reason. Now, the situation reverses.
I would think that maybe your gf is trying to protect herself emotionally. She was disappointed in you initially. Thus, by not giving herself fully to the relationship, she can minimise her pain to the lowest if one day you guys are to breakup. And by keeping her options open means another alternative. She is tired of giving and now wants to receive.

Thats my view!

astroseal SG

well, itz not taht i was the taker all the while in the past. I do give equally,perhaps more. No matter what or how we have quarrel, I almost make it a point that I wont like the hinder any special occasion etc. I just kinda take her presence for granted. Not that I din give her love or attention.

In fact in the past i would say I am outpouring at the arte of 80-85%. But after the darkest moment in our lives, after we had a heart to heart talk one night, I have been working 200% in my opinion to maintain the relationship.

After the incident, I had reflected upon myself and made great efforts to make up for the so called "lost time" in better. Time we could have gotten better memories. I consciously make an effort to see that I shower her with love,attion and mindful of her feeling. I made the change for her and she too changed. For worse sadly. Itz like a 180 degree change in her.

Seriously i duno whatz on her mind. sometimes she is ok,somethings she can be real nasty. For example, we were happily doing something stuff together. Itz not even like I am doing my own staff and made her follow me. itz something that concern us,both of us. Yet when she was somehow frustrated with something the next day, she can tell me that I stuck to her the whoel day and din even let her have her own time. I told her itz not fair for her to say such things as I wasnt doing thinsg for my own. Do you think itz fair to me she said such things??? I told her and she realised that but usually she only managed to see that after i pointed out and yet such things happen again another time.She simply taking me for granted.

Good thing is she still bothers to call me more often now over the phone when she is on the way home.In fact quite regularly lately. Guess I just have to slowly so called "Gan Dong" her. But still sometimes she can be so difficult to understand. No wonder thr is a say " woman's heart is like ocean deep" so heart to understand and man(as in human) is the slave of emotions. But that also set us apart from other species as a more advanced species.

Oyathatsme SG

Why are you paying so much attention to her? Even she mentioned to you that you are being sticky around her. Cmon how would you feel if your girlfriend sticks with you around the whole day? Would you feel fustrated that you don't even have some time for yourself?

Girls like challenges. You being the idiot devoted even to 200% paying attention to her. Whereas it should be the other way round. Women are submissive. Men always have been the dominate frame ever since cavemen times.

You are like a women in a relationship. She rather find someone who she feels confident and secure with. Unlike an idiot like you, who sticks around her like a glue, supplicating to her needs.

Wise up. You going to lose her sooner.

Devil1976 SG

Continue to care and love her then?

When you truly love someone, you shouldn't be too concerned with the 'results & return'.....

Give her some time to adjust... Continue to contribute but not advisable to the extent of wearing out yourself and blaming her on that instead...

Good luck.... Btw, care to let me know what's both your horoscopes?

nuchio SG

Shocked

astroseal SG

yup. Will continue to love her as always.

Anyway, libra-s. hhmmm.... trying to fortune tell???? Wink

I think everyone has their own thinking. Most who commented are givng objective views. Me for one is not some barbaric caveman from the stone age with ego as big as mammoth and think woman are mean t to be lord over. Take heart. Thery are delicate creatures that need to be loved.

Yes....weekend is near......................... Very Happy

mahai102 SG

u shld treat ur gf like a prostitute...

have u boned her yet? screw her like a dog every chance you get...get some anal shagging in too..that way if she does leave u for that jerk, you'd have got something out of it...personal satisfaction...aaaah! shiok!

Laughing

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