Stupid ex-bf harassing my gf

last SG · 2005-06-08T12:46:40+00:00

LOLz.. Harass him back and get into trouble with law? Get jailed and then his gf and her ex can get back happily together again?

eagle SG

Maybe you have to talk to the guy face to face about it. Also, it is not good for ex bf gf to patch things up as there will always be this suspicion lingering in the relationship.

Just spend time hugging your gf and consoling her.

Wish you luck.

f.1 SG

hey man, worry not. let the whole matter cool. Just hv a chat with your gf and tell her tat u respect her decision but u oso want her to know how u feel towards her and ur rship. if she is smart, she'll know wat to do. otherwise, no matter wat else u do oso won't work.

good luck. Wink

sentguy SG

hi guys.. i really appreciate so many of u giving me suggestions and listening to my problem... let me explain the situation now..
this is actually the 2nd time that he is back for her.. the 1st time he came back..i used all my persuasion powers and skills to ask her to give us(my gf and me)more time and it was a success...
During the 1 month that he did not come back to harrass her.. we were very happy.. i could see her smile radiently..truely... and it hurts me now to see her so upset.. confused...
Yes u guys might say, if she is undecided, then obviously she doesn't love me as much as love him. But, we are a 3 months couple, they are 3 years... so i really do not expect her to forget him so fast.. im willing to give her time.. as much as she needs... oh and yes to clear up the point, i went after her only AFTER she break with him.. so i was not the 3rd party.. its fair and square and above board..
Her point of view for wanting to break up with me is that.. she feels its unfair to me when she is with me,and she still thinking of him sometimes.. For my point of view, im willing to give her as much time as she needs.. simply becox i love her.. (no,not her body, we haven't had any sexual contact)
And about the suggestion of 1 brother here to speak bad about her bf, i can't do it. It would sound really bad that i purposely speak bad about her ex and that might have a negative effect- she might think im a 'small air' guy to do such things. Honestly, i don't hate him on a personal level, i just hate him for making my gf so upset..so xinku..making her depressed..
Im sorry guys(and girls) that this is such a long post..
Crying or Very sad

M©+square SG

WEll, it's not hard to tell that's a excess bagagge symptom.

Let her settle her past, stand by her and give yourself and her a chance.

Devil1976 SG

Cool

smudgey SG

All I can advise is to keep doing what u are doing. give her time. if she really wanna take a break from ur relationship, Let her but remind her that u are here waiting whenever she feels she's ready.

Don't talk bad abt her bf. it puts u in a bad light.
Don't confront her ex (unless she is really getting frighten, and she gives the ok) cos she might not like that u went behind her back indicating u may not trust her

in these kinda situations u can only:

1. ask urself whether she is worth all these waiting and effort
2. if she is. stand by her and let her know u'll not let her go without a fight but Bottom line u just want her to be happy.
3. Protect her if her ex starts to cross the line and try to harm/scare her.

Love is not an easy game to play!

m_xvi SG

She needs time to cool down and come back to her senses. Forget about her request for break-up. Just listen to her and advise when necessary. Try to make her forget abt her problems…see the movies…go to the beach…go downtown east..??!!

sentguy SG

yes,she is worth waiting for and i will stand by her.
she just showed me some sms from her ex-bf. He sent messages saying he hearing voices in his head, maybe going to do something silly. Then say ignore him he talking rubbish and then hahahahahhaah..
Sounds like he is using psychological battle now.. i can imagine the amount of stress my gf is getting from these messages.. and he calls her like 2am in the morning(yes i know because it was last night i was talking to her on phone). He calls her late at night and sends her many sms. And using 'maybe going to do silly things' is a very strong thing.. she is very scared he do silly things..
I don't want to use psychological tactics to add to her pressure.. my tears just came out just now.. she saw it.. but i just say i yawned... im not like that guy, getting pity and attack her mental state of mind...
am i stupid?

i feel like asking her for her ex-bf hp and ask him out for a man-to-man chat. is it a bad idea? i don't want to see her suffer until like that.. hurts my heart.. Crying or Very sad

Devil1976 SG

How about asking her to change her contact...?

shaunlaw SG

I think u can call IMH then tell them that there is an escaped patient from there. Twisted Evil

From ur descriptions, everyone can see that the ex-bf is a plain loser who does not know how to admit defeat. He does all those stupid things on purpose. (If he wanted to die, y wait till ur gf attach to u then say he wana die?? Shld have done so long ago.) Like what many have said, he is plain jealous and cant stand ur bf having a new and nice guy like u.

Keep standing by ur gf and like many day dun give her stress but do not totally dun care as well. Tell her that u love her and will take care of her always. If she can, try to persuade her to see the situation as what we all see it. That way i am sure both of u will feel better.

As for the ex, I guess hes going to be a loser forever if he continues to harass ur gf. Too many people in this world, they need to be tot how to face reality.

eemtij SG

First of all, your gf is definitely confused and would be totally stressed out.
Secondly, you don't want to contribute to her stress.
Thirdly, you will need to released her of her problems with her ex.

So, why don't you 2 take a short holiday somewhere and enjoy yourself. Even a week in Bali or Phuket or even Perth, Hong Kong etc. This will take both your mind away from her ex for a while. Being far away from her ex is also good for her so she has no chance to "accidentally" meet him.

Then during the holiday, talk to her and tell her that you understand her predicament and you are there to help her through. Also, slowly let her enjoy your company. Make her feel that you need her more than she needs you.

If possible, get a SIM card of the country for her so her family can still contact her and that her sg phone is turned off.

Whatever you do there, just enjoy each other's company. Slowly, she may feel that you are more important to her than her ex.

Good Luck.

PS. May be good if you can let her ex know that both of you went on a holiday together AFTER you come back.

m_xvi SG

By showing you the SMS that she recieve shows that she really value your presence in her life. Seems like the ex guy is taking advantage of her weakness for being sympathetic....dat crazy idiot!!

No use for a man-to-man talk. He's determined to get her back. After meeting you, he might just sms and say that you caused him a lot of pain..only see him if your gf wants you to.

drx SG

why not just change hp number?

sentguy SG

hi all..thanks once again. And yes, i mentioned to her about taking a short holiday overseas and she okayed it. I'm looking for a short tour now, just to nearby places like malaysia or bangkok,but i want to fly asap, like 2 weeks time, so a bit difficult.
Anyway right, changing her hp number does not help, becox he can even call her at 2am in the morning.. so if he really wanna look for her, he can. To make it worse, he might even go to her house(or wait below her flat) to talk to her face-to-face.
i got the feeling im going to lose the battle soon.. last time she said she won't go back to him already.. and when i read her blog just now.. she said she is still choosing..

am going for a drinking session myself tonight,im really miserable now..
but how can i win ? they 3 years and i 3 months! i must be dreaming..

Oyathatsme SG

Relax. Lean back. Show her you are the man who is not afraid to lose her.
Don't let this loser jump straight in your relationship and take it away from you. If she considers choosing, i probably felt you did not do much in your part.

Devil1976 SG

Maybe give her some time to cool down and think about it? Meanwhile, be by her side.. Afterall, you're still her bf?

The last thing you should be doing is getting despair and just drunk yourself dead.

If she has to think, let her settle her emotions 1st. But why did she broke up with her ex in the 1st place? Can she still remember?

BaByBoY SG

hey dude
seriuosly i`m v impressed at the way u love her
u sure sound like u really put ur feelings into it and is serious abt this relationship
wat u`re doing is already on the right track..
now that such stuff had hapened
make use of this `significant event` to let her heart choose,
u`ve done the right thing by setting her free. cuz she came back and she`s already urs.
Love is not all about time, it`s abt what happened. 3 yrs or 3 mths or even 10 yrs.. it doesnt matter..

Let me sheld some comfort to you..
wat makes her cry MIGHT not be the reason that she still misses her EX??
but probably that she`s afraid that something bad might happend to one person that was ONCE dear to her??
put urself in her shoes..
if you`re the gal and everytime u get such SMS and threats, u might 1st feel pissed off and scared that it`ll really happen..
psychologically, it`ll built up a temporary `love` feeling based on fear and symphathy, that can however develop into true love after sometime...

wat u can and should do now is to continue what u`re doin..
show her that you can better take care of her and let her feel safe and not insecure like her ex.. persist and after sometime when this fear of him dying or getting injured fades, it will become disgust and anger, thus wins you the battle naturally.
If you love someone, set her free, since she came back, she`s already urs..
let her discover it, help her, be confident.

rite now, u`re still at the upper hand
cuz she don feel disgust abt you,
let her decide for awhile, admist you still let her know ur presence and her importance to you...

On a more positive note, take this as a test for you,
if you all can survive this ordeal,
the 2 of you will be so much closer and better than last time you,
it`s always the hardest love that is the best love.
You`ll will cherish each other more than ever after such things happen.
and there after, you can be sure that she had truely let go of the past and loves you for wat u are.

takes a mind off that you`re not just a subsitude, but her lover
Be happy,
You`ll be the one

drx SG

ok people u heard his story,

so if you were him wat will u do?

1) fight on to save the relationship?

2) or to give her up to her ex?

I will fight on personally cos if I love her, she will be worth my effort.

lets hear from u guys out there.

plenoptic SG

ya sound like a kid who is not matured…

drx SG

maybe ?

well what will u do ?

dump her?

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