What should I do. Help pls!! It suffering

last SG · 2005-04-27T14:51:32+00:00

believe me.. u r not the worst out there.. there R pple who R worst off then U,Pick urself up.. and move on.. whatever we say is not going to do anything ins...

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi guys..

My gal just ended a 2 year r/s with me. Last week. I am feeling the full impact of this sad and depressed mood.

The reason she gave is that after 2 years with me, she now wants time to go out and catch up with all her friends. And plus she is pursuing her degree now, Its very taxing for her. My world crumbled, I cannot believe she wants to do this to me.

We were doing very fine and both our parents liked us alot. Apparently, she is trying to let it go now. I heard from her that she is fine now, and happier. She just wants to break free of the feeling of having someone to "report" to... I have never resticted her, unless she is going back home late (4am++) then i will worry. Her place is very deserted.

I think now its a case of she wants more. During this 2 years, I have done so many things for her and things which I did only for her and not the previous r/n. She knows it too, and she appreciates it alot. I think my mistake was to put in too much into this r/s. She simply pulled out of it and I was left picking up the pieces. I have to drink myself dead drunk everynight at home to make myself sleep.

Waking up in the morning for work is worst. Knowing that something is missing in my life and its torturing..

During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, hte impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.

For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??

I totally have no mood to talk to anyone and simply lost enthusiasum in life. One conclusion made by my brother is that... She is not worth it.. You put in so much and she simply left you, w/o even hesitating..

I have send out many emails to her and there is no reply. But when I called her, she answered. Apparently, she still wants us to remain as friends. I don't know how to. Its very difficult to forget that we were once an item whom everyone envy us....

Right now, I am really at a lost. Can anyone please post some nice advice for me??

Lost and Lonely.

grief00 SG

Almost exactly the same situation as me. Well, it's damn tough at first, because I always tried to patch up with her. The thought that there's a chance to revive the relationship made me keep all this problem to myself rather than letting my friends know. As a consequence, I became very depressed and lived like a zombie each day.

It was until it became very clear cut that she's made the decision and was strongly against patching up, that I decided to give it up.

Things got a bit better, I started talking to friends about it. I no longer hid the pain I had been suffering inside me.

I guess this is a period that we'll need to go thru after a r/s failure.

Ask yourself, are you going to give up on her, or still hoping that she'll be back by your side? Is she very firm on her decision, or will you be able to make her think twice? Also, is this a problem between just you and her, or is there any third party?

Simple_Bear SG

The Sun Rises Every Morning...Signifying the Start of a New Day...A Happy Day...

Mr. Green

mal_colm1979 SG

Some colleagues around me did ask, so i simply said i just ended a r/s. Its very sad la. You know, packing away her stuffs.. taking away the photos we have taken... The photos part was the WORST!!

I dont know how some of you can take it. Every photo is taken with happy memories. Now, we have to start throwing them away.. It really sucks.

I am in a dilema... I think no point waiting, cause I think she is happy right now... Maybe wait till after her exam..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really don't know la. One word, IT sucks to love!!!!!

mal_colm1979 SG

Hello!! Please help!!!!

SunRisE SG

you dun have to throw away the photos.. jus keep in somewhere where you will never see it.. until the day when you pack your room.. and that day when you look at the photos again.. you'll smile!

If you know that waiting for her is of no use... then dun bother.. anyway.. people always say wait and wait.. but how many actually did?? In the end you'll find standing by their side is someone unfamiliar..

Drowning yourself in drinking wont help you in any way.. it does harm to your health too! The next morning you wake up.. is still the same.. So why torture yourself..?? Since she has already decided to leave.. and have already move on.. I guess you try to let go.. She made herself clear.. and i think she won't turn back..

What is done is done.. there's no need to cry over it.. Pick up yourself.. and lead your own life again.. Remember that your world does not ONLY circular around her! Try to gather some friends and catch up with them.. or join some activities.. or you wan.. you can join the outings in sgForums.. get to meet and know new poeple..

Cheers..

Tuatau SG

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
During this 2 years, what ever I did, I put her above me. That is why now, hte impact is much much bigger for me than her. Reason is simple, I put in more than her.

For some reasons, I have no friends and my social circle revolves mainly around her when she was around. Right now, I am so afraid to step out of my home.. Everywhere are memories of us.. HOW??

Your ex-girlfriend may not be the right person for you. You seem to belong to the group of people who are rather 'clingy' in relationships -- your ex-girlfriend may have at first found that 'clinginess' refreshing, sweet and ego-boosting.

After two years, the novelty has worn off and she has probably outgrown that. She now finds the 'clinginess' stifling and she longs to explore the small world beyond the two of you. So she could have told you she needed more breathing space and wanted the relationship to cool off for a while.

Being 'clingy' as you are, that arrangement probably didn't turn out very well, so she had to take a drastic step and initiate a break-up. She didn't want to lose you as a friend, but she also didn't want you to get too close for comfort.

So what you can do is: Respect her wishes and let her go. Move on and out of your small world. Go see the world at large and meet other friends. It may give you a better perspective of love, such as you don't get some hot girl to love you just so that you could earn the envy of other people. You might gain more self-worth and better appreciate the value of friendship.

You could choose to resume being friends with your ex-girlfriend and hope for a chance to reconcile, or you could make a clean break and push her out from your life completely to lessen the pain. Whatever you do, just don't go begging her for a chance to 'cling' to her again. Save yourself some dignity, and whatever respect that she may still have for you.

mal_colm1979 SG

Its not that I am in a small world of my own... I have been through too much and I am really sick and tired of so many things. Can say that I have seen through many phase of life. But what you said was right. Having to initate a breakup suddenly is just being very selfish. C'mon.. at least have a good talk with me before ending it just like over the phone right....

RyanKoh SG

During this period, keep yourself extremely busy. Your fav hobbies, places you nber been b4, things which you have attempted b4, meet new friends, find those old friends. It will help in a long term....Anyway, whatever we have said, you wouldnt be able to listen in.....your heart will be still with her during this period, hoping that she will come back to you. Reality is always cruel. This is the time where your mental strength comes in, whether you can turn this to a positive lesson. Mayb you wan to listen to Jay Chou - Jie Kou...

In short, we can only give you advice, ultimately you are the one that help yourself and pick up the pieces....Life still goes on....Just my 2 cents

carpe diem jur SG

believe she really need a break from the 'clingy' nature...the routine and her freedom... at first i tot my ex is posting this coz u are in exactly the same situation as wat mi and my ex were... but he kept persuading mi too much to get back together again, and i totally disappear from his life now...to the extend of blocking him and cancelling my mobile... and u are doing exactly the same thing he did...

come on, i dun know for ur ger, but i values my freedom and privacy more dan anything else, esp after two years, very tired of trying to slow down or keep up with his pace....need a break though and i enjoys being single... too much 'goodness' pressurizes mi and a realtionship is too tiring to handle in my point of view... no offence, but let her go pls... she needs freah air from the outside world... its juz not meant to be...

no offence for being straight forward, but i knows wat ur ger wans and wat she means by saying those things for break up.... even if there might be some other reasons, eventually, she juz wan PEACE....

carpe diem jur SG

x2 Mr. Green

Tuatau SG

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Its not that I am in a small world of my own... I have been through too much and I am really sick and tired of so many things. Can say that I have seen through many phase of life. But what you said was right. Having to initate a breakup suddenly is just being very selfish. C'mon.. at least have a good talk with me before ending it just like over the phone right....

There is a Chinese saying, "Frost three feet deep comes not from just one day of snow."

You'd know the details better, but from an outsider's point of view, a break-up does not just come suddenly. A person does not just change overnight and turn against a loved one the next day. There are always signs to indicate rocky shores ahead in the voyage of love. Most guys just happen not to be sensitive enough to catch those danger signals in the relationship, that's all.

Yes, for all you've said and done, you do at least deserve some kind of explanation why your ex-girlfriend initiated the break-up. A "good talk" is definitely in order, but the problem is: In her mind, she may have already given you that "good talk" and explained herself clearly, so no more words is necessary.

If she refused to say any more, other than hoping you could continue to be her good male friend, then respect her wishes and let go. You said you've "been through too much", then take this one more setback in your stride -- one more scar added to the many you have received before should not make too much of a difference. Take it easy.

carpe diem jur SG

human beings are all selfish... at the end of it, u'll think of urself first... tek now for example, arent u being selfish to wan her back when she wans to go?? one party wan to break and the other one wan to go, both think of themselves first, dats y no one will give in... u will be robbing her of her happiness she haf now if u keep pestering her and persuading her to come back to u again... it will explode one day and do u really wan her to get out of ur life completely??? if so, dan continue stressing her up by remindin her again, but u gotta regret ur actions when she really totally leave ur life, and u'll never hear from her again...

one thing i'm sure of, she've been thinking about this relationship before u two broke off and its a final decision... determined and she wanna choose her own life... thats why she's happier with her own decision... juz like u, u'll also be happier if she returns and that is YOUR decision to the relationship, isnt it?? so, we are all being selfish loh...

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi carpe diem jur

Thanks for your advice.

Now I know what she wants. Maybe you are right.. Things just have to end somehow or rather. Along the way, I have made myself the best guy for her. She got all she wanted. I ask for nothing but I gave her whatever she wants.. Because I love her too much.

She told me that if she needs someone to marry to now, I will be the right choice. But after thinking over clearly, she said right now, she needs her freedom back and she is happy.

Its so yucky... arghhhhh. Actually the change started when she started school.. S'pore Institute of Management.. Before that she was working.

While she was working, things were fine.. We enjoyed every moment and she is just glad that she has me as her BF. Until when she decided to study...

Her schoolwork, social life with friends all came into the picture. We met lesser and it s fine with me. Do you think it was a case of her taking me for granted and thinks that whatever i did for he ris insignifigcant??

It hurts to think that whatever i did for her is no longer important. We even plan to go on a trip to on our anniversary in June. If she has seen this coming, then why bother to even discuss with me about the trip at all?

One sad man....

Hope to hear from you... carpe diem jur.

varatare SG

Hi mal_colm1979

I hate to repeat myself. Therefore I will like to let you know you are not alone. Serveral people in this forum have post topic related to this issue(could be in different title) however, the answer or advise or suggestion is mostly the same. Do spend some time to read what others have advise and suggested in this forums. I fully understand there is no such thing as two simiar situation however, it doesnt hurt anyone to read what others had been through.

Regards

Axelheat755 SG

Go listen to [Heaven Knows - Rick Price]

especially this part

"My friends keep telling me, that if you really love her, you've gotta set her free, if she returns in time, i know she's mine..."

Wink

mal_colm1979 SG

Cmon man guys....

The feeling of insomia every night is so torturing. Memories of us starts to flow in whenever I close my eyes. I lack the courage to even go out.

I don't know what has become of me.. Someone whom I don't even know... Its scary what "LOVE" can do to a person....

Looking into the dark skies every night is not going to help. I am a guy, I shouldn't be weeping...

Guys, I really need support to pick myself up.. I have to do something about it. Being a walking corspe is not going to do good.

Axelheat755 SG

nobody can help u, only u can help urself.

"Its scary what "LOVE" can do to a person...."

btw are u sure its love we talking about and not possessiveness? Rolling Eyes

and you should'nt have allowed your life to revolve just ard her. Friends are equally as important. maybe thats why she left u... cos she is suffocated by u... probably u will expect her to give up her friends just like u...

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi Axel

I have never want her to give her friends up for me. I respected her space and her friends....

I think its just a change of priorities for her in her life...
She knows I can be a very good husband......

Please don't accuse me ok?
I did not ask her to give up anything. If I were to do it, It wouldn't take 2 years to end it.

rumie SG

us telling you to let go is not possible.

and, i know that deep inside you, you cant accept the fact and just want to wait for her. you keep telling yourself that there is still a chance. maybe, maybe not.

i wld say, give her some space and time to sort out her thoughts. DON'T disturb her, else she WILL get irritated and you'll lose her eventually.

Be patience...

sort out your thoughts, and try to pick up your life again.

it's normal for a guy to cry. just cry it out. don't attempt suicide though...

...

try to get back your life and be happy, TRY. think of it this way, if you keep feeling sad, you'll affect your work and all other things and it'll make things even worse. stay healthy, and sort out your thoughts.