What should I do. Help pls!! It suffering

last SG · 2005-04-27T14:51:32+00:00

believe me.. u r not the worst out there.. there R pple who R worst off then U,Pick urself up.. and move on.. whatever we say is not going to do anything ins...

Axelheat755 SG

if she has always got the time n freedom to chill with her friends, den the excuse she gave u is super lame.... Rolling Eyes

mal_colm1979 SG

[b][quote]us telling you to let go is not possible.

and, i know that deep inside you, you cant accept the fact and just want to wait for her. you keep telling yourself that there is still a chance. maybe, maybe not.

i wld say, give her some space and time to sort out her thoughts. DON'T disturb her, else she WILL get irritated and you'll lose her eventually.

Be patience...

sort out your thoughts, and try to pick up your life again.

it's normal for a guy to cry. just cry it out. don't attempt suicide though...

try to get back your life and be happy, TRY. think of it this way, if you keep feeling sad, you'll affect your work and all other things and it'll make things even worse. stay healthy, and sort out your thoughts.

Actually, sucidal thoughts did come through my head twice. I really have no other means of living. Not on good terms with parents and siblings are too young to understand....

People!!!!! I am a damsel in distress.... I have a stable job. Just that I do not have any close frens to confide in. Colleagues in my company are just colleagues..... People.... I am only 26.. Long road ahead of me. But it looks dim.

I have been through failed relationships. shortest was 1 year and longest was 2 years... Everytime when it happens, I got dumped. Is this fair?? I know it is not. I just need a start to meet more new friends. Any suggestion?

For now, its just work and home. TV, drink and sleep.

To all people who are in a r/s out there... Treasure it. Don't be like me.... I am very unstable right now..... mentally.

Maybe this is what a coward should be doing.. wanting to end life and not face setbacks anymore. Tonight might be the night which is good for me... I dont know.... Perhaps it just time for me to end my misery now....]

varatare SG

Sorry guy, I going to be a little bit harsh here.

Frankly speaking I do not intend to send this message. But I know I will be harsh to myself if I dont to it. You see, I love myself and I love my life a lot. It may not be perfect but I am happy with it, therefore I try to treasure all the goods and bads my life give me everyday. For this reason, I cannot stand people who trying to commit or even think about sucidal. Therefore in here I will like to beg all of you except for mal_colm1979 for forgiveness for what I am going to type.

As for mal_colm1976 you may as well go and end it. Nobody will miss you anyway. Your parent wont because you are not in good term with them. Your siblings wont because they can never understand why you do it. Your friend wont because you dont have one to begin with. You gf wont because that mean she dont have to worry about you anymore. Futhermore, we can spend our good advises and suggestions to someone else more productive than wasting them here. You are 26, tell me what you have achieve in life? Stop wasting the global food resource for they can be of good use to those who want to survive even hope seem dim to them. Stop wasting global water resource for they can be of good use to those who need them to keep their family survive. Stop wasting your body organs for they can be use to save those in the hospital. For you can be of good use to the society and yet you choose not to be.

Regards

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:

Actually, sucidal thoughts did come through my head twice. I really have no other means of living. Not on good terms with parents and siblings are too young to understand....

[b]People!!!!! I am a damsel in distress.... I have a stable job. Just that I do not have any close frens to confide in. Colleagues in my company are just colleagues..... People.... I am only 26.. Long road ahead of me. But it looks dim.

I have been through failed relationships. shortest was 1 year and longest was 2 years... Everytime when it happens, I got dumped. Is this fair?? I know it is not. I just need a start to meet more new friends. Any suggestion?

For now, its just work and home. TV, drink and sleep.

To all people who are in a r/s out there... Treasure it. Don't be like me.... I am very unstable right now..... mentally.

Maybe this is what a coward should be doing.. wanting to end life and not face setbacks anymore. Tonight might be the night which is good for me... I dont know.... Perhaps it just time for me to end it now....][/b]

varatare SG

mal_colm1979 SG

Thank you. I can understand that you are trying to make me wake up alittle.... Its harsh and I agree with that. Girls are not everything in life and I know it.

Its just a very strong urge in me to end it... Everything seem to be screwed up in my life..... I hardly have one anyway.....

I am really very tired of trying to "find new friends.... get new hobbies" easier said than done.....

Sorry for having to have you gimme a scolding. Sorry!!

Axelheat755 SG

whats so hard about getting a new hobby or new friends? Rolling Eyes

i think getting a new job is harder lol Laughing

the hardest part is to take the 1st step to help urself

Do join the outings organised by the various forums in here

im sure they will welcome you to join.

who knows, ur next gf may be waiting for u there.. Mr. Green

browniebaobao SG

Ask yourself...why is she happy now?

If keeping her by ur side will only strangle her and toture her slowly, would u bear to do so? If she is not happy with you, why not just set her free? I know it's hard. 2 yrs r/s and she could juz walk out of your life like that and seems to be happier than before. It took me quite a long time to realize this...tho we always say 'loving someone is want him/her to be happy' but how many of us actually learn to do that?

it's definitely not easy to let go, forget the hurt, forget the times spent together, those happy moments...and be frens. But it can be done. It juz takes time..Until u wake up and realize that there's no point holding on..then you will want to move on and lead your own life..accept the fact that she has walked out of your life and you are back to yourself again.

I personally find it hard to be frens with my exs..I tried and failed..but at least I try...It's also a test telling you whether you have gotten over her. It is quite impossible for you to be frens be her now but give yourself some time...time to get over it..and contact her again..truly and sincerely wants to be frens only. It's painful..when you lost contact or dun even have the courage to talk to and look into the eyes of someone whom you love...

Like what Axel said, If you really love her, you got to set her free. If she returns in time, you will know that she's yours. Time will tell, but to got to help yourself get over it..drinking wun help solve problem..it will create more problems.

An end to a r/s brings you a step closer to the right one.

varatare SG

Well mal_colm1976 I like to let you know, everything also screw up in my life. And I am happy about it. Because if nothing screw up in my life then something is wrong. Who say life never fair? It is fair. If you prove you deserve something, it will give it to you. But prove you deserve it first.

"find new friends...get new hobbies" is not very hard to do, just start here, now, in this forum. I always told myself whenever I meet a problem in life this: "There is no problem in this world that cannot be solved, it all depend on how I solve it."

Regards

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi all

I am sorry for all these nonsense. I have caused you guys trouble...
I have seen all your posts... It is nice knowing that I am not facing these alone.

Dont want to let a gal ruin my life either. I will let her walk out of my life....
While I walk out of mine too....

Love is like hanging on to something... It gets painful after a while and you let it go. You feel less painful when you let go but your hands become empty...

grief00 SG

Malcom, please be strong. It is not worth it to ruin your life just because of a failed relationship. Few months ago, I was feeling exactly how you feel now. It was even worse because she left me for another guy, making a 2 1/2 yrs relationship end so abruptly.

When I had her, I always looked at people around me, and I felt so fortunate. (I kept telling my friends that I'm the happiest guy on earth)

When I lost her, I felt so depressed. Often got emotional over trivial things. (e.g. felt bitter when seeing couples happily celebrating vday, etc)

Now, I've decided to look at the bright side of life. At least we're still in one piece, have a job, a complete family. What more could we ask for??

Well, just try to think positively, pick up some courses (dance, scuba, photography, etc), make more friends and in no time, u'll get back to normal.

Cheers! Wink

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi Grief

I don't know how long did you take to get over it... but I do know that you have had a crush on another gal already. Through Friendster....

A few months and you are able to forget your 21/2 yrs r/s and have a crush?????

Please enlighten me.......

Still depressed......

grief00 SG

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
[b]

Hi brother...

You have gotten over it.... how long did you take?? Was your situation as bad as mine, as in got no friends to confide in.. only can keep the sorrow inside??

Care to tell??

Still depressed.....[/b]

Initially, I thought that I could salvage the r/s, so I didn't confide in any of my/her friends. (we often went out with each other's friends) It was only after 1 mth of persistence that I realised there's no way I can keep her with me. So, I began to confide in some of my closer friends, and it's definitely a gd feeling. I don't need to keep everything inside me anymore. (by the way, I find confiding in female friends easier. Maybe Buddies just don't know how to console each other? Razz )

I took about 2 mths. Well, faster than I thought. U've to really work on it urself. Look forward to tomorrow, not yesterdays! Smile

Tuatau SG

Originally posted by mal_colm1979:
Was your situation as bad as mine, as in got no friends to confide in.. only can keep the sorrow inside??

One without friends could choose to write down words and treat them as his friends.
But consider this: If you don't make new friends, how are you ever going to find another to love again?

Wallowing in self-pity is never going to bring your ex-girlfriend back. In fact, you are only proving to her that her decision to leave you was right.

mal_colm1979 SG

Guess you all are right.... But I can tell all of you people are definitely having more friends than me.... You all have friends to fall back on definitely...

Problem is I only have this PC screen to stare into now... waiting for replies....
You know.. I look through my phone book. Majority of them are all working colleagues... I think by telling them my personal problems will surely freak them out.

Thats wht I keep complaining that my life is hopeless......

Sigh.. argggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

RyanKoh SG

See...told you watever we said you wouldnt able to listen? Wake up and pick yourself up. Rolling Eyes

ShrodingersCat SG

Hmm. Again.. err honest response yah?

I think you seem to be someone with a very narrow perspective in Life.

That's why when you are with your girlfriend, you dont seem to have other friends, and you are perfectly happy having a 'small life circle' involving just her. You don't seem to care much about your family or your work or have any hobbies. I don't know whether you are possessive or not, but I do know that many people like this have difficulty 'GROWING' mentally because they don't put themselves or willing to challenge themself to learn something new or do something different. In the end, as time continue, you will end up becoming a very 'stagnant' person.

Learning to grow out of a mentality takes time AND IS PAINFUL. Every learning experience is painful. Every rejection from friends, from possible lovers is painful. Every insecurity, Every sense of failure when you try something new and FAILED is painful.

My point is - the pain is universal. It is not yours alone. BUT you can choose to look beyond the pain to see what you have gained.

In breaking up with you, your girlfriend is setting you free. If you have been with someone who's personality is like you, the two of us will just obsess over each other until the rest of the world is lock up outside, feeding upon each other in a relationship based on need and dependency.

But, now, you have a choice. Like a bird with a cage door just open, you are now afraid and terrified of the outside world. There are big monsters out here, and you might not be as safe. But there's a lot of explore... a lot to see.. just waiting for you.

Be brave. Smile

Why don't u tell us abt ur hobbies?

Devil1976 SG

You were too extreme on her.

You have no life of your own.

She's probably quite unlike you.

It wasn't about any restrictions or anything.. It was more like an 'emptiness'... Without a life of your own, how do you expect to fill hers up?

What you should be doing now? My advice is quit crying and living in self-sympathy... GET YOURSELF A LIFE. LEARN from THIS LESSON and TRY not to repeat your mistake again? Wink

miaow1988 SG

i think she has no feelings for you already....if she has feelings for you,no matter how taxing her school life and friendship is, she still will spend time with you.......she is really not worth it.......why spend time moaning when there are still girls outside....does mean that your ex gf the only girl in the whole wide world.......she just not the one you will spend your whole life with.......maybe.......if you step out of misery.....there is the girl waiting for you.......

rumie SG

i need to add to this...

my advice for you is: STOP thinking whether she still has feelings for you or not. if you keep thinking it this way, you'll never move on.

trust me, she'll never forget you and the things you did togther with her.

she wants you to be happy and move on with your life too.

it'll take time. months, and even years to start feeling better.

dun do silly things. it's really not worth it, and you'll end up in HELL forEVER.

seriously, DO NOT IRRITATE HER BY ASKING HER HOW COME SHE IS SO HEARTLESS, blah blah... you'll irritate her and that's even the end.
trust me on this.

let yourself have this time to think, EVEN if it's so painful and gonna hurt for months.

maybe next time you and I can meet up for a drink and talk abt it, cos i'm facing the same problem too. PM me if you need.

mine is 8-years r'ship, and i'm 26 going on 27 this year.[/b]

stellazio SG

I say be thankful that she at least had the heart to breakup rather than leading you on.I find that to be more distressing,you will get over it though.Time will heal but if what she says is true,there is a high possibility that you guys can get back together,just give her time now though with an occasional chat,stop what you are doing now by sending lots of emails,maybe a talk once a week for now would be sufficient give her time and space.If she realizes that what she wanted is not what she is looking for,she will come back for you.

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