Devil1976 brought up something tt's true - he asked:
"Have you consider the chance that the relationship mihgt have
managed to 'survive' (pathetically?) because it was a LDR?"
Well, in a way the relationship was hanging by a thread (after much
begging and tears) pathetically most of the 2nd half of the LDR.
But tt was some time
ago during the first year. My issue now is really whats happening
currently
Yunhaier also mentioned:
"The vast distance sometimes allow the relationship to 'run'
seemingly even without consciously having to 'do anything'"
Well, tt may be true for some couples if both parties can somehow
detact themselves emotionally from each other and just have a r/s
in principle without doing anything i.e. they just carry on with
their lives but technically they are attached. I think this is
kinda hard for most ppl as aren't we all looking for some kinda
meaningful r/s? But no doubt, there will be ppl who like to be in a
meaningless r/s and yet don't mind it.
In my case, having an LDR almost killed me, figuratively. I really
badly wanted to try and make things work - I wanted to come back to
S'pore and be physically with her and see how things would work
out. If they didnt, then we'll have a reason to call it quits. I
didnt want to give up despite the tremendous pain and pressure she
exerted at times or rather most of the time. In a way it was
extremely stupid of me not to end it but at tt time I didnt think I
could have survived the breakup. My final exams and FYP were near
and a breakup would surely have saw me thru getting a 3rd class
Hons or worst - all my parents' $$$ gone down the drain, this was
something I could not do to my parents. So, being caught between
the devil and the deep blue sea, I literally a "beggar", trying to
placate her on most days, standing in the cold (while she was in a
nice comfy bed in S'pore) when she called me in London. The list of
spectacularly foolish things I did is just incomprehensible. We'll
talk for 3-5hrs daily (the phone bill was ok since some budget call
companies like zone 1511 had been set up). It affected my studies,
couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I'd wish that somehow something would
just drop from the sky and end my pathetic painful life. It was
crazy and foolhardy to have gotten into a r/s just the night b4 I
left S'pore, but I guess shit happens - God has a plan for all of
us and I suppose tt's what He had in mind for me. I accept what
comes.
Anyway, the above was in 2003. 2004 was a good yr for us and I
never felt happier - I thought I had someone I loved who loved me
too. We stayed over at each other's homes all the time until as
recent as Jan this yr.
Now with this big cool-off thing, we're going out only on weekends.
She still speaks to me like she usually does but I don't know what
to treat her as. Its confounding. I'm begining to accept the
cool-off thing on the basis that its very common among couples and
too bad that we just happen to be one of them.
I think if she goes of to India, she'll really get life's lesson
no-one else can teach her, given her rottenly pampered attitude.
She doesn't appreciate the little comforts on our little island
that most of us take for granted. I went to London (a DEVELOPED
city) and I came back here with much much more appreciation. I used
to be whiny and complainy abt S'pore but not anymore. A stint with
India's widespread poverty and warzone environment will do her
wonders.
Emotionally, I've prepared myself to let her go should she initiate
a split, but till then I'll keep her and I'll like to see India
change her for the better. Of course I wun wait forever. I find my
own patience amazing - in fact I think its brilliant, in fact I'm
gonna get a fishing rod and go fishing (yes, the real fish in
water, not land fishing) this weekend.
