I really dunno how to describe the feelings i have now...Something
would be close would be.
numb , dull , empty , void , dazed
For 1 1/2 years i have been with a gal i love , everything was
perfect in the beginning , till late last year . She started her
own travel agency and begin diggin herself into work. Sms and calls
drizzle to a minimal , sometimes she would disappear for hours or
sometimes 1-2 days , sms becomes almost non-existant or no picking
up of calls or returns. "Be patient i tell myself , she's busy with
work " and i know she is , and i always hope things would get
better. But it din , our dates gets cancelled , postponed , she
forgets special days. All she can say is "i m sorry , tied up with
work" again n again.
Be patient i tell myself , over n over again.
And still things look gloomy , i tried to talk to her, abt us
distancing , and the amount of time we do not have for each other .
And she acknowledges that, but all she can do is cry and say
sorry.
Be patient , one day i ll see the light at the tunnel . I know i
will , i tell myself , when the coldest n loneliest night i bear
alone.
till now ,
She skipped valentine's day , not a card , not a gift , say she's
not feeling well . Its alrite i tell her , i took a week to choose
a gift for her , a card and a rose . I dont mind , its okie hun ,
no worries. She say she get something for me for chinese valentine
, to make it up .
We had planned a previous month b4 going to koh samui today coz
tommorrow is my birthday , she suggested and arrange for a trip for
me.
For one month i was happy and excited for this trip.I even took 3
days leave.
I had my hair cut , my teeth clean at the dentist , bought a lot of
beach wear . Pack everything early.
Till the day b4 yesterday , she disappeared again , sms me telling
me she's busy , will call me back . never did.
And yesterday , the day we suppose to fly off to koh samui. She msg
me in the morning she's also busy. I forgotten how many times i
called and left msges and sms her. and i well knew she might not be
able to make it..
I left home alone hoping last min she would call me , and i sat at
the departure hall alone . waiting for some miracle to happen. i
check the plane tix booking , it never showed our names . Somehow
the internet booking never went tru , i have ask her to double
check with airlines twice , guess she never did.
So i sat there waitin ...alone...hoping its a mistake and she has a
valid reason to be missing. While i m worried sick for 2 days
..
finally the sms came , 1 hour b4 departure. She's Stuck with work
and cannot make it anymore , she's very upset n sorry.
I was dumb founded.....somehow in my heart i knew it was the last
chance i would give to her. and she failed to make it.
I sms her , "its over"
She reply "wat you mean ? are you leaving me?"
I sms her " I didnt leave you , you leave me long ago , you just
dont realise it , i m no longer no 1 in your life , your clients
more important than me"
she replied " i m so sorry"
I sat there for the next few hours , looking our flight fly
away.staring into the emptiness of the viewhall. Thinking wad did i
wrong , why did my relationship fail. How can things turn out like
this , when i devote my love n life to her and she treats me like
dirt , not even the basic respect of a fren.
How can i be so low ? i msg her so many questions , and she never
answered any ...she just says she's sorry.
so i began to walk ...took the train to town , look for a fren ,
then went off to buy beers and sat near the river. I called my
closest frens , and started to cry.alcohol does make a man lose his
emotional control. I spend the next few hours staring into the
river n thinking wad went wrong. And i called her , many times
again , she prob do not dare to pick up the phone. As if i m in the
wrong , why m i still trying to call her?
So i took my luggage and walk the streets alone again , till my
mind was so dazed and took a cab home n slept.
I woke up this morning hoping its all dream...but it isnt.. just a
feeling of nothingness...She msg me while i was sleeping , telling
she knows she hurt me deeply and will leave me for good this
time.
I did not reply to that.
How can she treat someone she said she love so deeply n truely .
Becoz she cant disappoint her clients , but she can break her
promises n disappoint me .
Again and again n again , coz she knows i will forgive her.
How many times will u break your love ones heart b4 u learn how to
cherish them?
Perhaps all of us need to lose someone we learn our lesson not to
take them for granted. But then , perhaps , the person we end up
with in the end , might not be the one we love most and lost.
