Originally posted by john nash:
This is probably an extension of my previous post, where
the greatest deficit of my life is a seemingly non-existent social
life--- both friendship & relationship.
I jus needed to get something off my chest, [b]an incident which
should be the cause of all the consequent problems I faced with
maintaining a friendship or relationship. 4 years ago, I
had a best friend Y whom I grew up with. We went through the same
secondary school, stayed around a 10 mins walk from each other
& I was proud to have such a friend in my growing years. We
stood by each other through being rejections by gals, devastating
break ups & could pop over to each others place in the middle
of the night with jus a phone call requesting for company. We
basically had an untold agreement that no matter what crisis may
arise in future, we would at least still have each other.
After leaving secondary school, we saw less of each of other but
routinely catch up every few months or so. After the completion of
my A levels, a peculiar change occurred. I was going thru a
depressive period from a recent break up, & for the 1st time, I
felt this great emotional distance from Y. For some reasons, I felt
Y was deliberately keeping a distance from me this time. There was
no quarrels, no major issues but Y jus seemed inexplicably, quietly
resolved to exclude me from his life.
Shortly after, I was enlisted into the army. We had some talks
before that, but his answers were brief & vague. I never saw
the best fren of my life since then. I shuddered each time at the
thought that a friendship so long & significant could end just
like that; people whom I was so close to could jus shut me out from
their life so inexplicably. I guessed this was when I developed the
notion that there was something inherently wrong with me--- that
people would jus walk out of my life especially when I needed them
most.
I always though any related feelings would have eroded after 4 long
years. But many a times during festive seasons or long vacations,
memories of the incident & an overwhelming sense of failure
still grips me. I hate myself for being so weak willed, for being
such a wimp.
Just completed the 1st year of a degree course, I finally found an
area of study which I enjoyed. But as hard as Im trying to keep
working the other aspects, this particular deficient of my life
seems to creep back from time to time.
Relationship-wise, I fared no better. Looking back, I jus felt that
none of the gals I dated so far rely loved me. It was always me
putting in the effort, any slight let-up on my part, I knew the
relationship would go nowhere. Simple bliss so inherent in other
peoples relationship always seemed elusive to me
[/b]
Yes... Listen to 'Flow'... Get more friends... Get new
friends... Good if you can keep the old ones, nonetheless..
Nothing's stopping you from making the new ones... Friends don't
owe you anything to stick by your side... If you find that there's
something wrong with you, reflect on yourself... Mooding on such
thoughts would probably only make it twice as bad...
Focus on your studies, know more friends from school? About the
girls you've dated... Reflect on how you're treating them... Are
you 'overly giving in'...? Personally, I think you're just
stressing yourself too much in most of the relationships you try to
handle...? Try to relax a bit...? 'Simple bliss' which you see in
others' relationship is what they've created and maintained...
Often than not, it's nothing which just falls from the sky....
