Mindset Problems *

paradox86 SG

i've a fren who dun like/understand herself, she told me she knows the fact tht this thing will come to an end. but she like "can't bear to" and will just ignore the fact.

She has alot of guy frens, she just have tht likeness on everyone; she knows whenever she's too nice to each of em, they will misunderstood and kinda express their feelings to her. and she becum like hey i dun bear to reject and thus alot of guys are confused over it..

she kana backstabbed alot of times and thus she like treating everyone with the kindness turns to likeness. i really duno wat to do to let her change..

guys i need ur help! Evil or Very Mad

Devil1976 SG

There is a limit to where you can go though you might not wanna disappoint the people around you...

Hmm...

paradox86 SG

yeah, she can like this someone more but she can't commit to it. Since she have alot of guy friends, if she commit into a bgr relationship, she will kind of lost the guy frens around em cuz they all like her..

thts what she's very vexed up abt it, she dunwanna lost the guy frens ard her and thus she's afraid of committing into a relationship.. she koes she weird, i had a heart to heart tok with her.. she seems lost..

guys, any advicez to share? appreciate it Mr. Green

sigh

Devil1976 SG

Ask her to expand her circle.... Get new friends... A friend with a selfish motive only, shall not be a friend indeed...

What she wants is a friendship... Not meaningless sacrifices....

Fuqua SG

Ur fren is not the problem, It's her confused bfs. If they don't take time to get to know the REAL her, and ask how she really feels about them, then, it's their own fault.

the Bear SG

true friends will remain friends...

there is a certain decorum which is extended to ladies who are attached.. this is a gentleman's way of putting his lady-friend's guy at ease and he'll have no need to worry..

that "distance" is also a way of respecting her status as someone's girl but still your friend.. and you have no intention of coming in between them...

so tell her.. if she is attracted to that guy, heck! the other male friends will respect her if they are good friends...

if not, they're just trying to get at her...

if she is still unwilling because she feels she'll lose their attention, then there's something she has to deal with and it's got nothing to do with the rest of the guys..

SunRisE SG

she like the popularity among th guys.. and doesn't want to lose them all..

She can be in a relationship.. what so difficult about it.. If those guys frens.. are really good friends.. they wont leave jus becos she's attached.. then i nthat case.. this kind of friends dun wan oso good.. then only wan to be with her.. jus companion.. if there's no chemistry.. they jus leave and go for good... is that the kind of friends she wants??

She has to learn to be firm.. and say NO sometimes.. too succumb to too many things.. you end up with endless problems.. And oso lead to misunderstandings..

Talk to her.. analyse out for her wat she should do.. in this world.. not only the guy frens are her friends.. there are many out there where she can be friend with.. like wat someone said.. widen her social circles.. it will help..

Cheers.. Wink

paradox86 SG

yup, that's what she like. She's aware of her situation but duno how to change. She need someone to educate her, i duno how to make her to change ah.. i'm so pek cek.

paradox86 SG

Yup, she certainly have tht smth to deal with it.. duno how to help her change sigh. Rolling Eyes

xking SG

i think i noe this person u toking about...or someone like her.
U can't change her one.... i say better ignore her....

sometimes...u dun even noe if she's really in the situation she claim to be in.
She can say wat she wnts it jus boils down to one thing. She cant make up her mind.

kaobeikaobu SG

Originally posted by paradox86:
yeah, she can like this someone more but she can't commit to it. Since she have alot of guy friends, if she commit into a bgr relationship, she will kind of [b]lost the guy frens around em cuz they all like her..

thts what she's very vexed up abt it, she dunwanna lost the guy frens ard her and thus she's afraid of committing into a relationship.. she koes she weird, i had a heart to heart tok with her.. she seems lost..

guys, any advicez to share? appreciate it Mr. Green

sigh[/b]

it's not one guy fren who is confused but MANY! Seems quite obvious liao.....
she's scared tt if she goes out with A, eventually she will find B or C is actually better than A....tts y she's scared of committing to that person....
If that's so, she will make them miserable and more miserable herself.

she's scared of losing the guy frens around her cuz they all like her? Question here is --> Friendship lost or "spare tyres" lost?
P.S: Real friends still stay, be it male or female...

suggestion: she will find the answer if she searches deep into her heart...tt's she will nt regret losing those guy frens even when she chose that person..
if nt, better dun choose....

mimi71 SG

Originally posted by kaobeikaobu:

it's not one guy fren who is confused but MANY! Seems quite obvious liao.....
she's scared tt if she goes out with A, eventually she will find B or C is actually better than A....tts y she's scared of committing to that person....
If that's so, she will make them miserable and more miserable herself.

she's scared of losing the guy frens around her cuz they all like her? Question here is --> Friendship lost or "spare tyres" lost?
P.S: [b]Real friends still stay, be it male or female...

suggestion: she will find the answer if she searches deep into her heart...tt's she will nt regret losing those guy frens even when she chose that person..
if nt, better dun choose....
[/b]

i think she's looking for one...either a close friend or a partner, the answers is all within her, her true self, we can't say now but it's al hers... Smile

paradox86 SG

sigh, she told me "you're vulnerable to me" .. what tht suppose to mean man. I confessed my feelings for her, she positively reacted. Just yesterday the guy she used to like called her up, she felt confused; she knew she was a spared tyre cuz tht guy came bak to her becuz he had lost his target on another ger.

She told me she'll nv ever go back to him anymore as she's being treated like spare tyre.. she just duno how to reject, react argh.... i'm so depressed. =(

the Bear SG

is she treating you like a "spare tyre " too?

paradox86 SG

I don't think so, she's more than just confused. I could only watch and do nothing. I already told her, i just confessed my feelings for you; you need not feel too much abt it. Kinda regret telling her my feelings Rolling Eyes She told me this is not the time she think tht she'll be able to contribute to a relationship. I like her frankness. She's having her o's soon.

101wish SG

errr, i used to mix wif some guys..some of them oso misunderstood me, thot i was interested in them..hmmm, wondering y, did i mislead them? i jus lik to talk to them n wil take initiative to date them out but i jus thot we r frds..tinking tat having dinner or weatch movies r common thgs to do…haiz, as ur frd dunno how to reject them, there’s a problem, she must point out to them if she oni be frds with them…

the Bear SG

she's so young.. and how old are you?

give it time... be her friend.. a true one.. through thick and thin... mayhap, who knows? something beautiful may grow as both of you grow and mature together Wink

paradox86 SG

i'm 18, i really hope i could help her out. sigh; have been tinking real hard how to solve this prob Neutral

the Bear SG

some things, people need to figure out themselves.. and all we can do is to be there for support...

do that... be her support.. be the one she turns to when she is in doubt..

in other words, be her great friend...

sounds like she really needs one now.. and you care enough to be that one...

be well.. the both of you! Smile

SunRisE SG

She need someone to tell her.. but she herself.. has to find the way out.. Dun have to purposely make her change.. Make h er realised! Enlighten her!! SHe jus lack of smething.. WHich is HERSELF!!!

No need to make yourself, her and the rest of the guys so miserbale and confused.. SHe's jus using too much of her emotions to solve this problems.. if that's the case.. it wont b e solved.. heart and soul taken over by the brain and the mind.. There's no rational thinking of what she suppose to DO! Not jus feel what she should do or should not..

Get her down.. to some place.. and talk to her.. rationally.. and not emotionally.. put aside all the emotions.. and slowly analyse out.. she needs someone who can really talk and let her see the light.. Dun have to change her.. jus make her think rationally.. then she know what to do..

Cheers.. Wink