Hi all. Recently know of the situation of a friend and she is
confused and frustrated. So i am posting here so that she can get
some advice from all you people out there..
Since young, she has been under the control of her mother. Besides
going to school and fro, she has not much freedom. Her mother
controls the amount of time and money she has. As a child, this was
reasonable to her but as she slowly grew up, she felt that she is
missing out a lot cos she cannot go out with friends due to low
allowance and curfew set by her mum. She had a big fight with her
mum because of this. At that time, her mom threatened to send her
to a girl's home. As a young girl she is afraid and so the
arguement was over. He mum agreed to double her allowance but from
then on, she was under locks and keys. Other then to and fro school
and ECA, she was never allowed much time outside. Her mum made sure
she was kept busy. She had to do housework, cook dinner. She
changes the water of her mums fish tank weekly ad feeds them twice
daily. She has to teach her younger sister homework. If her sister
has a project and she does'nt know how to do, she has to go online
to find info for her. All this is besides the fact that she has to
do her own homework and projects and take care of her own pet
rabbits. After doing all these, she hardly has time to do any
socialising. As a result, her social circle suffered and only a few
close friends remained...In school she has always been teacher's
pet and chairman of the student body. Her studies also not
bad....She had a few boyfriends before but most broke up with her
for the same reason. She is unable to go out with them often due to
her curfews...
When she finally reached the age of adulthood of 21 years old, she
asked her mum when she can have more freedom and go out till later
in the nite. Her mum replied that she will have that freedom when
she has married...My thinking at the time i heard this was : How
was she going to get a boyfriend when she has all these curfews...
After graduating from poly, she got a job in a small firm. She was
happy as this marked the start of her financial stability. She no
longer had to depend on her mum for finanacial support. Her boss
and fellow supervisor were kind to her and taught her a lot so she
is happy there while learning all the skills to prepare her for her
future role . As most of the time at the office, there is only her
immediate supervisor and her, they talked, joked and played around
when they have free time. However there are a few things that her
supervisor does that strikes me and another friend as
strange.
1. He calls her everynight to chat with her. Even when he is in
malaysia, visiting his family. he is married with kids. His wife
and kids are in malaysia.
To us, this is the behaviour of a boyfriend, not a normal
friend.
To her, just a friend who has little friend in singapore and is
bored.
2. He bought a gift for her friend as birthday present even though
she has only know him since she worked at the site which is like 2
months. Later i got to know that he also invited both she and her
friend to KTV as a belated celebration as he missed the birthday
girl's celebration dinner.
To us, which guy will buy a gift for the friend of a normal friend
when he barely knows her?
To her, just a gift, like a papa to daughter. (he is 39...)
3. He always joked with her in the office. He would say in a joking
manner that he likes her. There was once when a friend (the
birthday girl mentioned above) called her and he asked to talk to
her. On the phone, he told her friend that he loved her. Her friend
replied that she already has a boyfriend. Instantly the
supervisor's face changed and he went silent and handed the hp back
to my friend. Later when he talked to her again, he asked if she
heard what he told her friend and if she wants him to repeat it...
she told him don't need as she had heard it..
To us, he should not joke about this to a single woman especially
when he is married and the girl is young...
To her, just crapping nia...
4. Everyone in the office is a smoker. She is the only one that
does'nt smokes. So normally her boss and the other supervisors will
smoke outside the office but only her supervisor smokes in the
office. She complained but to no avail...
To us, because she doesn't put up much of a fight, he is in
control...
To her, she bo bianz.. cannot do anything about it...
5. He told her about his past as a gangster and his family in
malaysia. How he is indebted to them and loves them very much. How
he slap his wife when she is unreasonable and only one slap sends
his wife spinning...
To us, he is trying to intimidate her in a subtle way... defy him
and she may kena whacked..
To her, she is afraid of him...afraid he give her shit at
work...afraid of him physically...
6. Jio her go out la kopi, see movies and drink at pubs after
work...
To us, he likes her. She does'nt reject his invitation maybe
because she dreads going home?
To her, he no friend in singapore...
7. He used to borrow her hp to play the games inside. Last time he
waits for her to hand him her hp. Now he just snatch from her.
There was once an incident that scared her. He asked her for the hp
and she refused jokingly and he come from behind her to snatch it
from her! happened a few times already!!
To us, Openly touching her already! danger! danger! No matter what,
the guy should not touch a girl physically. Cause for
molest...
To her, She will just hand over her hp next time. Then there will
be no such incident again...
Conclusion:
To us, she has little to no social experience. Problems in family,
her longing for freedom from her over protective mother may lead
her to seek solace elsewhere. Even though she has no intentions,
she may be misleading the guy because she does'nt reject anything
from the guy. Also, She is intimidated by him both physically and
at work. She dreads going home. She has only puppy loves that has
never advanced to anything further. Also being a teacher's pet
could have moulded her into subconsciously she adores praise from
her mentors, in this case, her supervisor. She fears disapproval
from him.By not doing anything about his calls, his invitations,
she is leading him on. She is only avoiding the problem, not
stopping it.
To her, the actions of her supervisor are normal of friends.
Nothing special. He tells her of his family often and how much he
loves them. He told her he don't love her. He only like to chat and
be with her because she makes him happy.
After we analysed the situation and explained to her, she is still
unconvinced and confused. So we are posting this thread to seek
advice.. please help.. thx...
