bt i survived, i believe ive been in worst situation den u, a
deeper sense of isolation den u can ever imagine, and the story
goes back to my childhood. even now, i dun eat dinner with my
parents, so much for only child, being isolated by yr own parents,
tell me how would u feel? i ate by myself since dunnoe how many
years ago liao, dun remember having a single meal with my parents
even though we live together.
I'm an only child too. Though my parents neither ignore mi, nor
huggles mi, but they do more or less try to provide mi wif everyday
necessities to keep mi comfy to some extends. Fortunate for them,
i'm a thrify person by nature, who's heart aches when i see them
paying money for some things tt i dun really take to heart at all.
My family ain't rich, and the earnings are rather average. I
digressed...
Anyway, i still prefer to eat alone most of e time anyway. It
doesn't matter who i'm eating wif, when in my mind i'm still
processing wad to be done next for my projects. Really no rest of
mind.
bt i also believe there are cases worst than me, its
natural.
I dun deny even worst cases than mi. But then, no 1 wanna
compare himself wif some1 worst. Problem is tt, if it affects
everyday life, it's bad. As the old proverb say:"No man is an
island". It's really sheer lifeforce tt is keeping mi alive rite
now to do all these ranting. Not tt i've never tried suicide b4. In
fact, 6 times drinking detergent already. Ended giving it up cos'
after all suicide hurts. Best is to tired yrself out and died while
sleeping 1 day. If it's juz some richie rich who can't get to buy
tis or that and feels like hell, he/she is juz a spoil brat.
Best is use other ppl to motivate them, or pressurize them. You
see, one thing I learnt is dat we cannot handle everything
ourselves, there are things we cannot handle thus need other ppl's
help.
I've done tis a couple of time b4 already, only if necessary.
Approaching the lecturers is always e way. But it's e last resort,
and it will strain the relationship wif every1 else.
Hmmm if u had once down with those fatal illness or nearly faces
death, u will feel tat all those things u stated in ur topic r
nothing.
I have nearly experience death n now i am very optimistic with
things in life.
There is nuthin to fear abt death, except the process of death.
If u died by gradually losing consciousness and ur nt suffocating
or injuried, it's kinda pleasant. i've been down wif malaria once
and was almost hospitalized. I also experienced Out-Of-Body when i
was a child, and i regret walking back into tis body.
RITE... Then QUIT COMPLAINING and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...
EXPAND YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE... EXPAND YOUR INTEREST... Like you've
described yourself... It's not that you don't 'connect' with
people.. You DO... So just MAKE IT HAPPEN...
Hate the idea of following other ppl's trend and thots. Some of
them are costly. Others are fleeting. Pretty nice example is
collecting game cards. Now they dun anymore, and those $$ invested
are wasted, when i saved those $$ by scrimping frm lunches. Soccer
& basketball is nvr my interest, though it's most guys fav. I
go for WuShu, literacy pursuit and music. Weirdo? Yup...
STRESS - you can manage. talk to people who know and shares your
feelings. you are never alone with your problems. we all experience
the same feelings, only in a different context.
U noe... tis is my last place to rant. Most ppl whom i noe and
whom i trust are already tired of hearing all these rantings.
Strangely, they come frm well-off family who has decent size of
social circle, and doesn't have any other problems besides the
age-old BGR problem. I'm lucky/unlucky tt i'll never get to
encounter such problem.
I haven't found any1 emphatic of my situation beyond tis computer
screen and forum. Most ppl had only mock at my inexperience of
life. But is tt so? I dunno. i'm more than willing to get to know
any1 in person going thru e same or worse situation than mi. Juz
mail mi will do. But be warned. I've said earlier tt i might appear
quite different in reality.
