Am I giving in too much?

dirge SG

mmm, just had some thoughts today..why I would mind n angry? is it because I mind that she didn't reply me? If i don care bout it I wouldn't be angry right?
Shes a saggi..
I often think that our bickering is due to miscom, but sometimes, it gets bit way out of hand, so, getting real fedup, cold up appears. I find that if there's nothing much to talk on phone, so be it, just put down right? But she think like wise...

Yunhaier SG

You can still care; just shift your preception so that it doesn't wound you directly, but you have to understand why certain behavior is acting from her side. To compromise blindly is to let your partner take advantage and it will harm the relationship unconsciously.

P.S: You didn't answer my question in the above post.

Cheers

Nanami SG

hmmm just some thoughts..... i think about the money issue it's not that she doesn't want to return it to you but probably her mindset is that as her bf you shouldn't be so "geh gao" about the money she owe you probably she's upset that you put money before her. if i'm not wrong all the talk about money mostly lead to arguments? hmmm maybe you can try to put in nicely like there's something you really want but you can't afford it so perhaps she can chip in. relationship is give and take,confronting her directing about the money is just going to upset her so try to go round the situation?

just imagine yourself in her shoes--when you're down and out she helped you out and that made you very happy and appreciative and back then you were very sweet to her?(becos she's probably thinking that you're so good to her that you're willing to help her out financially) then after some time she got tired of forking out for you all or most of the time and starts to calculate how much she's given to you and starts to demand it back from you.... you'd probably start thinking "wah lau she so ngeow everything also calculate until like that" that you start arguing with her.so if she were to ask you to rtn her the money what approach would you prefer her to take?of course you won't want her to say " aye now you working liao that time the money i lent you $???? return me leh" how does that sound to you? you'd be pissed off right?

for me my bf also helped me out when i was in need... inside my heart i told myself that i would return him the money once i could and would treat him as sweetly as he treated me. but when he starts asking me to return him the money tactlessly i would feel that why this fella so ngeow i'm his gf leh guys supposed to help their gf out what.some guys also never ask back the money(that's a very wrong thinking) ok lor you want it this way i'll return you the money but don't expect me to be nice to you or buy gifts for you becos you were ngeow to me in the first place.but when he starts softening up and tell me that there're things he wants to buy but he can't afford it my heart went soft and i return him as much as i could and i'd think back how he's willing to fork out for me when i needed him to and that it's only right i return him his money just so that he could get wat he really wants...

as for the dinner part i think most probably she's disappointed that the hawker centre you went to didn't have what she wants and secretly blames you for bringing her there so in future instead of flaring up at her ask her" is it that they don't have what you want here?" just cojole her nicely that the other place not accessible just compromise a bit and next time you'll bring her there again.... in my line of thoughts i'd think that she hopes that you can pay more attention to how she feels. when you don't she starts throwing tantrums show you faces and such. key is communication it helps a lot. it helped my relationship from breaking apart.

but just an advice don't give in too much to her she'll only take you for granted. some girls don't like pushovers be hard at the right times and soft at other times. if at that point of situation you're right lke the dinner thing point out to her that if she's unhappy she should tell you so that you can offer her an explanation and tell her your thoughts rather than show face (which is wrong)

sorry sorry guess i'm too long winded Razz hope it helps Wink

ahworm SG

err. can i write you a comment?

last time during poly days my gf also dun have much money with her. cos her bank book with her mom. then i also help her pay her hp bill etc. all with my pocket money. it all adds up to hundreds. i didn't go calculate exactly how much is it. i just feel i want to help her cos she's my dear dear..

now, she's working. she got her own income. but i didn't ask her to repay me the money. not even once. even now if she wants me to pay her hp bill, by all means i'll do it for her. not only these, i pay for all the food and expense when we go out. i just feel i want to treat her well. i want her to save up her earned money. just in case i'm not able to be with her in future, at least she has money with her(security). well i might spoilt her, but i dun want to regret why i dun treat her better when i lose her.

btw she and i are not married.

elindra SG

Hmmm money can cause conflict in a relationship.

Like with my ex, I know that his family has financial problems so I didn't mind paying for the food when we go out. Lent lots of money to him as well for his pocket money (schooling then) and even paid for his school fees!

Asked for my money in an indirect way but never got any back even when he took up part-time work. In the end I got really frustrated and resentful because the money added up to a few thousands.

Anyways, was upset at him with some other issues too because he was starting to take me for granted as well since I'm always there to solve his money woes and other problems.

I called it quits in the end and he still owes me money but I have already written it off as bad debts Confused

As well, sometimes, a person takes you for granted because you give in too much and they can step all over you. Maybe have a good talk with her. Not saying you should not get your money back but hint that sometimes she can help pay for some stuff.

gerrykoh SG

I feel u shouldn’t be paying her bills. Let her learn to manage her own money. Buying her gifts & paying for food, etc is ok when u are dating. Also when she ignores u, it is good to let her know u won’t stand for bad attitude. Ask her what is wrong, talk it out. U can love someone very much but don’t spoil them.

Devil1976 SG

DARK SKY... Cool

So what ya reckon now?

InnoHippo SG

if you think you giving in too much,
you are indeed giving in too much Wink

M©+square SG

Then how about your own security? Do you earn alot or come from rich family?

Devil1976 SG

Hmm... Rolling Eyes

dirge SG

well, I just feel that, be it how many years together, esp so long together, we cannot take things n each other for granted... money issues too, is a very sensitive matter, both of us are working, and I have tell her how and advice on what to do, its only up to her to decide, since she hav e slightest idea where to start. Zi dong abit is what I expect, I not asking much right?
Anyway, sometimes I just don't feel appreciated, but she does love him, why?
Cox she don't show it out or say it out that I'm appreciated? Why can't she say a simple thank you...
there's this once I brought along a contact lens solution, I ask if can put her bag, since I don have a carrier. Instead of thankin me for bring e bottle, she give me those face "huh, I have to carry" sesh...

dirge SG

I guess ur rite? I have been helping out too much tat she thinks is right and just liao...sigh.. but if I don help, who helps?
Anyway, issue is slowly solving...

peanutz_peanutz SG

May i ask how long u guys have been together? Question Rolling Eyes

gerrykoh SG

Hey u don't have to stand for bad behaviour. Tell her firmly how u want to be treated. Don't give in to her all the time.

Loving her doesn't mean u should be a pushover. Be in control. Don't always be there to do things for her. Let her learn. She will appreciate u more.

Eiizumi SG

True. But I dun think telling her "firmly" is good for anyone. More like telling her passionately. You noe, look into her eyes and say it passionate that kind of stuff...

Love is like a game of cat-and-mouse chasing game. You don't have to be the cat all the time. Or else you feel very tired in this relationship in this long run.

Devil1976 SG

Care to elaborate on that? Cool

dirge SG

Well, she's startin to return me e money monthly..so I guess shold be ok now.
We haven met up after a small cold war, but we tok on the phone, however, it does seems abit strange right now after the cold war. Anyway, she's busy wif her work, so, make do on weekend perhaps..We been together for close to 6 yrs..

dirge SG

Your right on this and sometimes I think, must I leave to be for awhile so that she'll kinda learn how not to depend on me tat much. I told her before, she's slightly improving, but not to the extent of realy independent. She's a nice girl, but I guess all humans are not perfect.

dirge SG

As much as I want, but I always believe it takes to clap, so I tried to tell her, but if she keeps want avoid or say "can don't say anymore I know I know" what do can I? I hope things will go back a couple of years, whereby things is so much simpler. I partly have some fault too, I insist on me being correct and too good with expressing meself with words, so she's kinda on lossing end...

Devil1976 SG

Nice... Cool

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