think my younger sis is crooked

Gedanken SG

You're right - there is a problem here. However, it's not with your sister being possibly lesbian - it's with the fact that you are in a position to think this way.

To clarify that last sentence, it appears that there might be a two reasons for you to think that there is a major problem:
1) you believe that your parents will see lesbiansim as a bad thing, and that you will ultimately be held accountable by them for any outcome
2) you yourself believe that lesbianism is a bad thing

In the first case, you have been put in that position, and in the second case, you have taken that stand up by your own volition. Whoever is responsible needs to realise that at the end of the day, they're really not in control of such things anyway and passing judgement on it will do more harm than good.

Farmer Brown SG

Gedy’s point is actually my point but from another angle… are YOU personally against her lesbianism?

[email protected] SG

or are you(the thread starter), against lesbianism as a whole?

Farmer Brown SG

haha bro heng.. actually that was a typo on my part…American Idol just started as i was finishin it so i just sent it without reading what i wrote..WOOPS!! haha

shopgirl SG

no i am not against lesbians...i repeat...i am not against lesbians

its simple, i do not want my sis to go thru the same thing i did...i was sent to singapore to study in an all girl's school...i was crooked once...and when my parents found out, they were devasted...they didn't blame me ...in fact they blamed themselves...apologising for not being there for me...that its their fault i turn out this way due to work obligations (ALWIZ overseas). it really broke my heart to see my mum and dad cry.

they pulled me out of school and sent me to boarding school in Oz so that i stop hanging out with , well, my crooked friens in sg. it was a very difficult phase for me.... to start life agin in a foreign country again!!!but thats how my parents deal with it, they do what they think is best for the kids. i my parents are awesome, the unconditional love they give their kids...

i dun wan my parents to go through the same thing...and i dun wan my sis to go through the same thing.. its terrible. its a very terrible terrible situation to be in. my parents loves the kids so much, it hurts to see them work so hard.And i am the oder sister, i just wan to do whats right for my sis. its my sister we are talking about.

its not about my beliefs, my values....its a simple question, dun complicate it.

Bochupi SG

Ever try telling all this to your sis?? If she's sensible enough, she'll understand and try not to hurt your parents again lor, but I think it's hard for a 14 yrs old to understand that lah. What i'll do is keep it from my parents and hope that she'll grow out of it fast lor.

NeonTetra SG

haha.....brother a gay b4?? jus jokin

[email protected] SG

lets put through a hypothetical question then.
IF your parents view being straight as unacceptable to them(dun ask me why the hell they would think this way, its just a hypothetical question), then would u be lesbian to please them?

while no doubt most parents in this world often want the best for their kids, have you considered that they often view things from their point of view, which may not neccessary be the best point of view for situations happening to YOU?

this here now, is the question of, would u go against your parents to stick to what u believe in, or value, or would you drop your freedom of choice to please your parents?

no doubt it is a tough choice, but who lives with the final consequences of their choice? you. everyone has the right to choose for themselves, because it IS everyone's right as a human being.

i would feel that if u are truely worried about your parents being heartbroken, hide your sister's lesbianism from them. give her time to sort it out herself, and if she chooses to be a lesbian, so be it. its her choice, its her life. respect it even if you do not approve. but for the time being, the best solution i feel, if u do not want to totally alienate yourself from your sister, and yet not upset your parents, is to simply hide it all from your parents, for the time being.

[email protected] SG

double
damn lag

[email protected] SG

i love my parents too and i do not advocate being unfilial to them, but the thing is i have experienced 1st hand, the effects of misguided, misinformed and biased “guidance” from them, and it near alienated me from them. Simply put, things are never black and white. If u decide to rule with an iron fist, regardless of your good intentions or your views and beliefs, then prepare for some really nasty fallout.

Gedanken SG

Well, then it's your parents that have a problem with this situation, not yourself or your sister. Despite their best intentions and their blaming themselves, they placed a judgement upon you - make no mistake about that. There's the problem that you need to focus upon, because, as you can see, their judgement led them to take corrective actions that had a very negative effect on you.

Attending to the symptoms of the problem instead of the problem's source is about as useful as sticking a band-aid on a cancer patient. As you can see, it may have cleared things up between your parents and yourself (with dire consequences for you), but because they did not attend to the cause of the problem the last time, they now have to go through the whole thing again. And after this is done, what next? Will they then have to go through the whole rigmarole all over again if you or your sister happen to be pointed in a direction that they don't approve of?

Focus on the source of the problem and get it out of the way once and for all.

Devil1976 SG

Then perhaps you can better share the empathy of your sister? Talk to her and let her know how you feel in a gentle way? Open yourself up.... Smile

InVaa SG

would u 1 ur siblings to be straight or homo??!!.. since she is still young.. still growing.. there is chance for her to change to straight!! so y not!! n u all keep emphaising there is nothing wrg wif les blah blah..

Gedanken SG

Invaa, with all due respect, one cannot afford to oversimplify this matter. Remember that what we have here is a girl who is in the stage of developing her identity. This is the worst possible time to risk damaging her belief that she can make her own choices and form an identity that is entirely hers, rather than something that is imposed by someone in a tenuous position of authority. You would be risking a long-term loss in favour of a short-term gain.

InVaa SG

so u rather let the plant grow side way on its own(when its young) den to guide it straight?!

Devil1976 SG

Some plants are meant to grow side way... How do you know the plant would be happier and hence it'll be better for the plant if it grows straight?

You're not the plant? Cool

songs SG

wow.. its really pro-lesbianism here. idunno. for me it goes against the law of nature. if all girls are lsbian.. the human race would be wiped out too soon. but that is out of topic.

anyway, try to empathise with the sister. 1. her sister is only 14 yrs old. thats too young. Alright you might talk about her rights and not interfering in her life, etc.. but what if its not lesbianism, lets say drugs, pre-marital sex or quittng school. Would you stop her from doing all this? you probably would... (i hope). For the simple reason.. she's too young. (or maybe its wrong Laughing

anyway... shopgirl.. try to share your experiences with her. Did she know u were a lesian b4? anyhow, lesbianism is a normal (maybe not so normal) phase when growing up, and i believe that she'll probably outgrow it (as most convent girls do). so try and share your experiences in lesbianism with her .. she'll probably open up. Anyway.. what sort of a lesan is she??

by her dressin is she the "butch" type or the passive type. Because the passive type tend to outgrow it. anyway.. try n communicate more with her.. some turn to lesbianism because of the past experiences with guys (or boys in this instance). try not to rush things n be there for her n try to get her to open up to you. By the way.. try to nag less often.. its always a big put off.

Wink

shopgirl SG

my sis is more dyke-like, thats why its so scary...i was a passive so maybe i can't relate to why she wans to be , well, boyish. perhaps if she was girlish, it wouldn't worry me. i dun know ...really...

erm ...i dun know what to say and i dun wan to talk about this ...maybe someone can tell me how to close this thread...

Gedanken SG

Songs, that's not the point here. It's not a matter of being pro- or anti-lesbian.

You can't deal with this issue by taking the short view, because what you're dealing with here is a matter of a person's identity. Besides, shopgirl has already described how her family has dealt with such issues in the past, and as you can see, the dyke issue was "fixed", but not without causing a whole lot of damage, which in my view was unnecessary. Over and above that, there is the question of what right one person has to impose values on another, even if they are family members.

In light of these three issues, I hope you can see how the presented issue of lesbianism is in fact only the tip of the iceberg.

[email protected] SG

while I admit i AM pro lesbian, the point here is, that we are standing on the pro-independence side. the side which says everyone has their right to choose, everyone is entitled to have their decisions, especially with regards to their own life, respected.

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