i need advice desperately...breakup with best friend

last SG · 2004-03-13T15:23:55+00:00

i have tried to change but to no avail. the same problem still persist cos it is very diffcult to change my thinking and perception of things. she has forgav...

Yunhaier SG

Don't act as a boyfriend when you are not - had a different case of an old friend who did the same thing (acting boyfriend) to another girl and it nearly ruin my friendship with him.

She is avoiding not because she hates you or what - but likely she feared you. Because in the first place, who the hell are you. Best friend is still only friend - good friend is still only friend. Causal friend is still only friend. Since you are only a friend, don't presume other roles.

Cheers

nww16 SG

i nv believe in platonic relationship wit the opp sex.......i think u should wake up ur idea liao.... Mr. Green

RainbowPrincess SG

Misery,

I'm Not being harsh here, but u posted ur problem, asking for advice, & when The Bear advised u to change (which is v. gd advice, btw), u came up wif defensive excuses of ur own.

The problem stems from ur possessiveness of her, cosh she's obviously v. dear to u, but if u dun change, this is wat u're gonna end up wif, the loss of a best fren.

So it's up to u... Change, or face the loss & move on.

RP

sam0310 SG

well, all u can do now is to let her cool down, and do some reflections on yrself; need to change alrite; never never be over-possesive; even parents shouldn't be too possesive, let alone a fren.

one can never know what's best for another. what's best for oneself is very subjective...but what's best for frens is to respect one another... Wink

the Bear SG

actually, got a bone to pick with you about this...

you're behaving just like misery... just because you do not believe in platonic relationships with the opposite sex, he cannot believe in it and must "wake up his idea"??

[email protected] SG

and bear goes into rapid fire mode.
Razz

Devil1976 SG

Since you know you're being paranoid and you can't change it, why should you expect her to accept you? If you ain't convinced that you can change, I see no point that she should be convinced too?

Think it's better that ya leave her alone till you can get over yourself?

You in agony? Don't wanna see her in pain? Well... Take a guess at what you're doing to her now?

Lingos SG

I'd hate to imagine how you would treat your girlfriend if you have/had one if this is what you do with your best friends. When it comes to relationships and feelings, you are not to judge about something that you are not involved in. I've had people commenting and talking about my relationships in the past.. Be it my friends or my family. Even if you are correct, she needs to learn for herself that he is wrong for her. Being hurt is part and parcel of every relationship. And so is happiness and love etc..
Anyway. point is... apologise, tell her you only did it cos you were really concerned with her. And butt out.. only butt in when she comes to you for help.

misery=( SG

i am in love with her but it is a forbidden love…

[email protected] SG

so you are a guy right?
to be honest, the reason u got upset with her seeing her bf was because u were jealous of him, because u like her too right?

Lingos SG

Why so??

misery=( SG

her mum is my god-ma and that makes her my god-sis...

misery=( SG

Dear all

thanks for your concern these few days. she came back and we patch up and be best friends again. but she also told me that she is now with him. i feel so heart-broken but i just told her that i would always be here for her. so sad now. dono how to move on with life also.

Devil1976 SG

Rolling Eyes

[email protected] SG

why would u be heartbroken IF she is like a sister to you???
you would only be heartbroken if all this while, deep down, u loved her as more than a sister. Am I right?

misery=( SG

Heng,

i believe you are right. all along, i love her more than a best friend or a sister. i wanted more but deep down, i know that it is not possible. i always tell her that i want the best for her and try to control and rule her life. deep down in my heart, what i really want to tell her is that i want to take care of her.

[email protected] SG

then all the while when u say u just want the best for her as a brother, u have been lying to her. your lying has hurt her deeply. it has also hurt the relationship between the 2 of you, and your jealousy is interfering with her happiness.

u have lied to us too, making it difficult for us to diagnose the problem and come up with a sloution earlier.

while i do agree u need to be careful about letting her know your feelings for her, it doesn't mean u can try to ruin any r/s she tries to have with other guys by disgusing your jealousy at those guys as "concern for her".

i think u really have to think long and hard about what u have done, and not to make the same mistake anymore.

misery=( SG

i have lost the person i love most. life will never be the same again. it hurts deep. please tell me how do i move on from here. i am toying with the thought of going overseas to work to escape this.

[email protected] SG

how old are you?

misery=( SG

i am in my mid twenties

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