Getting a little busy
these days, but hope I am not too late.
AA mode on.
***
Forbidden love? A love that you will never have; you pinned on it
and the things you do is like trying to push as far as you could
but never to bypass that invisible line. No matter how much you
want to bring yourself close to that forbidden line - that is the
maximum you can go. Seriously what for? Because you are like
learning Piano with a restiction that says 'no going beyond grade
2.' No matter what you do, you are stuck at that level,
even if you are the best grade 1 player in the world - you
are still grade 1. 
You liked her for so long, yet it never occurs to you that you
should have woke up long ago. You kept pinning on the hope
of being together, making use of the status of 'best friend' to get
you closer to her. It never work because if it does, you have
already succeed long ago. You are like a shadow - you will
never be a main player. But you remain where you are because you
felt that it is your only way to have her emotions connects with
you.
So you are telling me that you are bleeding? Then I am here to tell
you that you should have recovered LONG ago. You kept peeling old
scars with your bare hands and so how do you expect your wounds to
heal? The wounds grew bigger because your desire expands - and so
will your disappointment when you cross the forbidden line and
'WHAM!' - you were hit in the face by the ultimate truth again -
you are just a grade 1 player, never a grade 2.
A love karmic
cycle.
she once told me how much she wish that we can be
together. we would probably be married with kids now if we had been
together. we would have been so happy together. these words keep
flashing in my mind.
ONCE!
WAS!
PROBABLY!
These three words speaks a whole lot of truth in your illusionary
paragraph.
ONCE: When I was young, I loved Lego - as I grew older, this liking
vanished, not into thin
air, but into good childhood memories. ONCE was a promise in the
past - not a statement of the future. You lived in the past - you
perish and sacrifice in your future. You don't bother and continue
your own way, your own thinking - she already moved futher than you
can imagine. You are just holding her picture in your hand,
stagnant since the day you meet her and fell in love.
Did I tell you she is
happily living in urban areas while you are farming in rural towns,
thinking that she will return to the past. So do you think she
would, namely, be a farmer with you again?
WAS: A strong adjective here to further enhance and strengthen the
quality that 'it was the
PAST'.
PROBABLY: Its probably - probably means maybe and maybe means not
sure and not sure means unlikely it would happen unless the right circumstances comes
in. Married with kids, be happily ever after, blar blar
blar... you are fooling yourself with this promise. She said WAS
and ONCE - which means PROBABLY wouldn't have fulfilled because
its not the right circumstance at all even in the
past - therefore future wouldn't have them as well.
Nobody says moving on is easy. You would probably bleed and felt
that you will die from the wounds, but trust me - you wouldn't.
Recovery will taking place as soon as you tell yourself to wake up.
Note: I didn't say move on first, I didn't say go know new girls
first, I didn't say go focus on other stuff first, etc - I
said learn to wake up yourself first. Acknowledge FIRST.
You have to acknowledge that it was over years back before you can
do ANYTHING to try to move on. Your heart and mind must surrender
to your karmic love. You must allow emotional pain to wash through
your body and renew your soul, instead of resisting it and keep
deluding yourself, thinking that there may be a chance, so that you
wouldn't have to learn to grow.
What does it take to
make you see this?
P.S: Are you a Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius or Leo?
Cheers
