wanted to go with joho,bear and the rest to the botanical
gardens outing today but sadly, couldnt go.
i asked my dad for permission and he gave me this " if u got
icq,then dun go" icq is this universal term for icq(which i dun
use,but anyway),irc,msn and yahoo messenger and net"
was damn farked up by this answer because either u give me a yes or
no. dun give me abstract answers. i dun want to risk wrongly
interpreting yr answers only to go out with a god-damn farking fear
of getting into a farking big fight with them. so i told my mum and
asked me to go down to ask what he means, which i didnt go because
i knew it would end up into a fight.
i told her that everyone i know in class has more life than me.
each weekend i spend 60hrs cooped up at home. except go to my
gran's every sat. for this god-damned semester, i didnt go out AT
ALL. the moment lessons ends, i always go home straight except when
i need to stay back in sch to finish up prac datasheets,have sch
activities,go for dinner somewhere along the way home or stop by at
cd shops to buy cds( once in a damn blue moon)
when i go out it's because i sneak out during long breaks during
lesson time.
this iron-fisted rule started the moment i was born. right frm the
start i was warned if i took extra time to come home i will be
caned and whipped. when i entered sec1 in a lousy sch because i did
badly in PSLE, my dad forced me to call him the moment i reached
home. because of this i managed to reach home in record time. under
35mins.everytime i stay back for cca stuff,each time also must
report to him.
even now, 19 soon, also must tell him where i go,with who,how many
ppl,do what,for how long, each time i wanna go out during sem
breaks with friends or with photography club members.
HELLO? ppl 5 ,6 years my junior can go out as their fancies. they
always claim i get some form of automony, load of sh|t. and i can
choose whatever i want. sh|t. there is this topic that has been
argued to death, the fact tat their forced me into this course when
i wanted to go either JC,chem process or aerospace engine. i am
going to year3 in july and till now this topic has never been
resolved. i feel that if i were to change course, the moment after
i do so, i will kill myself. why? because i know it will jumpstart
a massive arguement lasting weeks if not months. maybe this is
better, because at least i get to make a decision on my own.
even what handphone i want is also dictated by them.
another topic argued to death is a dslr. what my dad's
interpretation of a dslr is a fanciful, OVERHYPED manual film slr
with a circuit board. i can tell his so called arguements are based
on cameras 20years ago. why? he doesnt even know waht else is there
besides a ccd recording images and a load of glass. there's more
than meet the eye,dad! yes, he listens to my points but everytime
we argue on the same few points because his thinking is always the
same and we never agree on something. stalemate.
he also thinks that hp are for emergency use only. thinking adopted
frm the army ? where they use the radio only for reporting enemy
movements? he boasts a hp bill cheaper than my caller id
subscription(he doesnt have 1)
he says we can only call him when there is an emergency, fine if
that's what u want. but,question, how do u know whether i have an
emergency if u dont pick up the damn phone? fundamentally
stupid.
coming back to the botanical gardens thing, eventually when my mum
asked me if i wanna tag along while she go out so she can give me a
ride. i said no. because i know my dad too well, come back, my mum
and i will be scolded. i just calculated how much my mum spents on
repaying loans and bills,close to half of her pay.
now i am feeling very unhappy i didnt go not because i missed a
chance to snap pics but it's the way they replied me. and also ,
well maybe u think i am waht, but it's something like a promise to
come. somemore i could play with joho's webcam 
or bear's sony. 
there's 1 thing i really dont like is a broken promise. ok
fine.maybe it wasnt a promise to come but sort of like last min
then say not coming.like fly aeroplane like that.
guys,really sorry.
i feel that either my dad gives me a definate yes or no answer and
not a abstract answer.
i dun feel like talking to them anymore. i wanna rent a place,hut
also can, the moment i get a job. 
