Hi raingal,
It's not so much about the feelings, but rather the special
intimate moments that we once shared, that makes it so
unfortable.
The words and things I should have and should not have done, now
then i realised. I often daydream about myself doing romantic
things with her, dancing, sharing intimate moments again. I try as
hard as possible not to daydream about such things and shrug it
off, but its difficult. It keeps coming at me.
It's like the plug to your heart has suddenly been pulled out. That
heartbeat just went dead. For the past year, i've been searching
for a new plug, no to no avail. No new plug seems to fit like the
old one. I have told myself to move on many times, but I just
simply can't. As bad it may sound, I guess the best thing to do
would to be surround myself with new friends and meet new girls.
But then as one gets older, maintaining old relationships and
making new friends just seem to be so difficult.
You are right, I am not ready for a new relationship. As much as I
yearn for one, I would only be unfair to the other party. I do not
wish to be hurt or hurt anyone again.
Yes CS=counterstrike. CS buddies? not really. Although I have been
csing with my clan for 1 year +, most of them are only hi and bye
friends. Can't really clique I guess. From a malay/chinese mix
clan, to now mostly all chinese speaking guys + 1 malay. -__-
Jiang hua yu ah..How I wish sometimes I was brought up speaking
chinese.
Well, since im going to NS soon (20th August), I might as well
forget about getting involved in relationships first, but rather
build a solid social circle first.
I have already planned to furthur my studies, preferbably locally.
Study in a new enviroment (unlike f*ked up NYP), make new
friends.
I am still in contact with my ex though.
From lovers we were, to become best friends. Best friends i could
not. Missed me she did, Loved her i still do. Get her heart back i
did not, new guys she met and about me, she soon forgot. Till this
day only 2 things remain, Hurt and regret left untamed.