DiLeMmA iN LoVe

last SG · 2001-01-30T00:29:00+00:00

babyacid.... i think some of us here may have similar cases lo. thou' not similar in the sense of someone taking up old habit tt they got rid of coz of u, bu...

Bear SG

not many pple can do wat they say they shld do when it comes to matters of the heart.. The hearts rules in this game, not the mind. When u really dun like this person, u can't force urself to like him.. But I'm saying still keep ur options open.. I mean besides R & J..

As for R, I doubt it's the trill, but I think u need a certain answer so that u will be satisfied... that is a direct yes or no maybe... Maybe like wat u said, u can be telling urself that u have some hope if R does not give u a final answer. but the thing is u really dare to shatter this hope??

Well said for the reply to Don, coz I think the problem will always remain as a problem unless u solved it.. I mean there's nothing wrong wif his suggestion, but I believe in ur mind, as long as the problem is not solved, it will always be there.

Dun call me Uncle Bear!!!!! I'm not that old... hee hee... Very Happy

t|rEd mature liaoz.. call her Aunty lehz.. hee hee...

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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear

hanabishi SG

Firstly, with regards to you and R, I don't see what you are waiting for. Ok, you might be a *traditional* sort of girl, but there's really no real barriers preventing you from further exploring this relationship. I mean, legitimate reasons for waiting would include physical separation (he is in another country) or temporal separation(he is really really busy at the moment). Waiting for the sake of waiting is pointless. Bear in mind that a lot of people are waiting because they have NO choice. You on the other hand do.

Speaking of choices, for pity's sake resolve your issues with R as quickly as possible so that you can choose which path you wish to walk with J. There is no greater torment for a guy then to be left hanging, getting teasers now and then but with no real answer forthcoming. If you know the pain of waiting for someone, have compassion for those who wait for you ...

Babyacid SG

dearest hanabishi,
thanx for the replis... tho there are many replies before yours, i've chose to answer yours first coz i reallie feel that i have to hustify myself... i DID not leave J hanging there and DUNNOE wat u mean by teasers... frankly speaking, was feelin kinda agitated you said that... i's exactly that i understand how painful it is to wait, that's why i told him not to wait, gave him a straight in the face rejection!!!! it's kinda unfair to mi when u made that statement.. maybe u din mean what i supposed u have said, maybe u din get to knoe the whole story.. mayeb i'm being too sensitive...
but it realie hurts a lot~~~ Sad

Babyacid SG

*cooling down* sorrie for sounding so agitated for the previous msg.. sorrie sorrie~ and to hanabishi, i knoe u mean well...

dearest kofguy, thanx for sharing the story wif mi.. appreciate hearing similiar cases to mine... reallie happie for u to b able to find the light out of the problem.. and i do kinda knoe that it's up to mi to find the light... honestly speaking, these few days i've been thinking a lot about R and stuffs... not that i never thot about the problem before... but i finally get to see from more point of view... i realise that deep inside mi, i oso knoe that giving him up is a much wiser choice, juz that i never have the courage to do it nor the strength to b able to withstand the feelin of life w/o him... but guess i'll hafta face this some day, esp when it's so obvious this is an impossible task...

as for J, i reallie dunnoe wat i can do... hinting, straight in the face rejection.. telling him off kindly and even cruelly, nuthin seems to work... he understand what i am going thru... but he juz can't gif up... i knoe guys who r so .. erm... true to feeligs r hard to come by.. but... *sighz* i feel reallie guilthy for "ruining" his life.. he's picking up smoking again, then lately veri listless ( gotten to knoe this from friend ) and is even losing hope in life.. *sighz*

guess the problem lies mainly in J rather than R, huhz?

no.. the problem lies wif me~

[This message has been edited by Babyacid (edited 29 January 2001).]

hanabishi SG

My deepest apologies.
I guess I was projecting my own anger at you without getting all the facts straight.
All that stuff I said about leaving J hanging, that was meaningless generalization - my own stereotyped view of negative female behaviour. After reading about how you've tried to clarify things with J and how you even sympathize with him, you are obviously not that sort of person. Again, sorry for insinuating that you were.

I think I am coming to a better understanding of the female situation here. I used to believe girls just had to sit back and decide which suitor was best.
Now I realize the active (traditionally male) role is easier sometimes.
At least the guy can hold his breath and go for it.
If he gets rejected ... Well, he's gotta be grateful that at least he has a convincing answer to all the "what ifs". The most intense pain soon passes (coz if it doesn't you probably die from it) its the nagging aches which make it difficult to carry on with the rest of your life.

t|rEd SG

grandsenior: sollee leh...me really wanna reply, but i noe i'll type alotta crap which i just lash out one lo...
so i cannot post nething....coz i really got no time to......sleping time for me liaoz ma......solleee!!!!!

Babyacid SG

dearest hanabishi....

nahz.. dun apologise.. guess i got too carried away and was being too sensitive... glad to knoe that u r having a clearer side of the pic laizo... erm.. wonder wat has happen for u to generalise that all girls are like tat.. maybe u've been hurt bad... actually there do exist such girls.. a few of my " frenz" asked mi to keep both guys and measure their advantages... and can keep the other one as backup.. *sighz* kinda sad but guess i can't it if they tink they way.. tink most imporatant is that one is able to stick with one's values and principles in life can laizo right?, hanabishi, glad that we have a somewat similiar thot about this...

lastly, thanx for replying~~~

Babyacid SG

haha.. u wionner lehz.. no time then dun reply lahz... no need wite message to say u got no time to reply.. so farney.. rather u use that 1 min for another min of sleep.. dun wanna u lose beauty sleep... reply onli when u got time.. mi put up mi prob here is for ppls to view their points which hopefully will help mi solve mi problem or at least guidance lohz... reallie do not wish to pressurise anione to reply one lohz.. but thanx for the thot...

p.s.: ehz.. dun keep calling mi grand-senior lehz.. so farney.. make mi sound so old~

Babyacid SG

todae suddenly crazy.. happen to pass by Orchard.. then i went to the building where R was working in.. hhoping i'll b able to c him.. but i din, coz i dun even knoe exactly where he working, onli knoe the building... it's onli when i leave the building then did i realise how disappointed i was in not seeing him.. but on second thots, i oso dunnoe wanna see him for wat... toopid mi, waste time~~~

then now sick, R doesn't even know about it.. then J juz called... and he can straight away sense mi sick then started getting real concerned and stuffs... now toking wif him in IRC.. "scolding" mi for not takign care of myself...

it's juz like two extremities~~~~ one is heck care about my life... the other is super concerned... however the person whom i hope is doing the thing is not wat is happening now... i kneo i can't have all that i want.. and to have a person so concerned for me is a very blessed thing... if i'm reallie wif him, i knoe i'll be veri loved...

but love is 2 way right? it should b two way right? i can't b selfish and wished to b loved and not love back.. i knoe i won't...

but i feel horrible now... letting a person down AND "suffering" in the toopid wait... ( honestly speaking, i dun feel as if i'm suffering... but that's how others percieve i'm goin thru... tho it's aimless life, i feel it's worth it even though it might end up in nuthin )....

cast aside J for this while, do u guys tinhk it's rightful for me to like someone else and use him as a partial reason for me to gif up on R? i feel as if i'm cheating on either side.... but if there's no other guys, reallie wonder if there'll b ani other reason i'll gif up on R...

hanabishi SG

Hope you don't mind me giving my opinion again (don't worry this time I will think b4 I type):

It seems unlikely that R is going to do anything, even if you carrying on waiting. I wonder if it is possible to ask him out for dinner/drinks etc... I feel strongly that one must be proactive about things (whether male/female). Much of this stems from personal experience. At the end of the day, you won't regret the silly, stupid or embarassing episodes. What you will regret are all the things you really wanted to do, all the words left unsaid, because you just didn't believe in yourself enough or worse, just let it pass. So the question I always ask myself is : Am I waiting, or am I afraid of moving forwards ?

Bear SG

Think it's better that u really like that person or at least show some interest in that person before u use him as a reason to gif up R. At least, it's out of infatuation that u r wif the person. It's lessen the cruelty, than just say u just take this person, whom u have no feelings for and used him. That will be a very wrong move. Coz it's gonna hurt urself and the guy esp in the end.

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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear

t|rEd SG

babyacid: hee~ no la, where got pressurize me? heh~ newae, i post tt msg oso nuttin la.......just crapping lo. btw, i din really mention nething rite? u noe, come to think of it, u actually remind me of myself lo.....i found myself in sorta the same situation a couple of yrs back la......chen nian wang shi bu xiang zai ti....
onli thing i can tell u hor, is chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi.......let nature run it's course. =) shi ni de zhong jiu hui shi ni de......fan shi dou mo qiang qiu.

Babyacid SG

dearest hanabishi,
of coz i dun mind u commenting again.. reallie glad that u din take mi comments abt u to hard the other time...
as for the ques u often ask yourself, i reallie like tat.. cz i often ask myself that too.. and frankly speaking, guess it's an answer that applies to both, tho mainly the former... and what i fear most about moving forward is possibly losing him ( though i neva realli did get to have him in the first place ) and regretting mi decision in the future.. actually it happen once... he once asked me to be his gf about two years ago... but i rejected him, coz i felt that we need more time to get to know each other better... he agreed.. but as time passes, we onli grew to drift further apart, mainly due to studies and O level... tho i knoe mi decision was for the best of us, sometimes i reallie hate myself for saying no... i dun wanna regret again~

Babyacid SG

dearest cuddly uncle bear,
well said and u can also rest your heart assured.. coz i won't like a person tat easily, let alone at the expense of giving a person i love so deeply up... he will b a guy who i have feelings for and who i'm sure we'll b able to love each other someday~ hurting a person in the process of mi getting out of my pain is not what i will like to do... u'll bet i'll tink a lot b4 i'll jump into a relationship wif someone~

Babyacid SG

dearest t|red,

u mentioned u were in similiar case a few yr ago... wah, din knoe u tat premature sial~ so young then so involved with feelings~ hmmz.. mind telling me wat happen in the end, as in the sense wat u did?

t|rEd SG

sorry la, it was da one big major bad experience in my life lo....sorta like a dark part of my life as yet......dun really wish to talk bout it now lo....haven't gotten over it totally...still in the final stage i guess....newae, chen nian wang shi, hai ti lai gai ma ne? thou' my problem is till to-date not exactly totally solved, but it's better than b4 lo....

Bear SG

That's a good piece of news.. Well, at least u r showing that u r able to think logically. At least u r still keeping in mind how the other person will feel. Deserve some commendation..

On there other hand, I'm not asking u to jump into a r/s, but do give guys a chance... well, since u mention that u dun quite like J as in being ur bf, but I'm sure ur life doesn't just surround these 2 pple only.. I'm sure there are still others. Even if there isn't, I guess it's time for u to be more open and receptive to pple already. No harm getting to know more frens then after that who knows wat.

That's the way a youngster shld try to be. Now still can climb and jump, easier to mix ard. nold liaoz. like me... can't do much except to carry a pot-belly ard liaoz... haa haa.....

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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear

Dreamlord SG

take your time to think it through. your life still has a long long way to go. i guess all this is a part of growing up, all adds to experience which hopefully will help you choose someone you can really love at the end of the day, which hopefully isn`t when you qualify for your senior citizen`s MRT card.

Still, its your life and ultimately your decision, becos you`re going to have to live with it. Just don`t jump into anything if you`re not sure.

Cheers, and good luck finding out what you truly want.

Babyacid SG

t|red: oopsy.. sorrie to have reminded u of your sad past.. guess everyone got a dark past they all wanna forget or juz block out... i have too, so it's ok~~

uncle bear: thanx~~~ and when i say i'll jump into one, i dun mean rushing into oen lohz... juz said it .. erm.. out of mistake... maybe getting into one is a better word lohz... dun worry, i won't rush stuffs...

Dreamlord: haha... ok lohz.. if one day when i qualify for senior MRT card laizo still no find partner, then i look for u lohz ( hmmz.. then again i tink u girl.... but heck it lahz.. wan??? ) kekeke~ juz kiddin~

Babyacid SG

when i first started the forum, i was in a devastated state.. reallie troubled and lost in directions of where to go on...
currently, i'm still lost, still unsure of wat i hafta do.. but then i feel more stable.. maybe it's bcoz i've open up.. maybe it's bcoz step into society, then made mi grow up a bit more liaoz.. though things have not seem to have progress in anyway...

yesterdae juz bumped into J and he accompany mi buy gifts for mi brother and sister... sadly, we had a good time.. but mi scared tat i'm giving him a wrong impression... as in the sense, obviously i feel that frenz going out is normal stuffs... but i'm scared he'll get the wrong imterpratation.. juz messaged him to clear things up.. he no reply as yet.. as for R, haven't seen him for quite a while laioz... *missing him* kekek...

aniwae, as i was saying... somehow this thing not troubling me tat much.. guess maybe i realised that it's juz another decision in mi life.. a step which i have to leap across miself, possibility a failure which i hafta picked myself up from to move on... ( but of coz still hope this thing will b solved asap lahz... kekeke)

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