69 (II)

last SG · 2007-10-24T23:54:25+00:00

a man had 3 women to choose for his wife and he decided to test them to decide who he shall marry... he gave each of them 5000 dollars and observe how they u...

trendz SG

Laughing

Phoebie SG

It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. T

he husband picks up the phone and before he can say anything, some talking came from the other end of the line and the husband says "How the heck do I know - what am I, the weather man?" and promptly slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some bloke who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

Phoebie SG

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work.

The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

Phoebie SG

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, fuck him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

toolatetoofast SG

Phoebie SG

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her t!ts and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow".

Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"

sLeEpWaLkErInG SG

Embarassed

trendz SG

Laughing

seotiblizzard SG

Laughing

trendz SG

Embarassed

Phoebie SG

One evening this drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and happens to notice a 12" tall man standing on the bar.

Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him; "What the hell is that?" The guy next to him replies "He's a pianist!", to which the drunk replied "Horse shit, your pulling my leg"

So the guy next to him picks up the 12" man , grabs some books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this little man started hammerin out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons.

Stunned, the drunk asks "That little guy is cool, where the hell did you get him"? The fella told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley, rubbed it til a genie appeared, and was granted one wish.

All of a sudden the drunk hauls ass out the back door, finds the bottle, and starts rubbing it: when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish.

In a slur, the drunk asks "I wish for a million bucks". All of a sudden, the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead shittin all over him.

Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and begins cursing "You son of a b!tch, I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks shitting all over my new suit."

The fella started laughing and wildly exclaimed "You don't really think I wished for a 12" pianist do you?"

icemysterio SG

Laughing
nice nice

Phoebie SG

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat.

The boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

Phoebie SG

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier".

The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages."

Phoebie SG

Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth.

As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."

Phoebie SG

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.

One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. T

he prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

Phoebie SG

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

Phoebie SG

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some ladies with bo0bies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother cleverly replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!"

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

"The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" she replies.

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"

Phoebie SG

Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.

The c0cky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!"

The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"

The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop."

The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."

The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running.

About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens!

Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: "Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."

Phoebie SG

A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today", as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset. The Following conversation ensued:

Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, "Don't we look pretty today", while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?

Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring to your hairstyle or something?

Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?

Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed?

Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don't think he should have commented!

Daughter: I don't have any FDS.

Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment...

Granddaughter: That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!

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