i would say it's not too bad for ur first try.haha..
but hey..maybe u can try paragraphing next time..hope it helps
ya?
i copied and paste...so somehow the paragraphing does not
show
maybe you couls try to be more sophisicated rather than dirty
would be fine.. try reading love novels from Nora Roberts or sandra
brown or elizabeth lowell..
try not to use the words penis, breas* and stuff.. its kinda sound
dirty
hmm...a very good idea, i'm indeed trying not to make the story
sound dirty...maybe i can use words like 'the orb' or 'the essence
of his life' ? anymore idea?
