=/ Please take things easily and don't do anything
irrationaly.
Like what others have adivised you to do so, speak to your PC
and OC first, let them know that you're not doing well mentally,
and you're on the verge of breaking down. And most importantly,
you're having sucidal thoughts. You must let them know that this is
not a keng case.
If after all this, they still don't give a phuck, you give a
call to the SAF hotline, let them know your situation and you've
already went to the COC but no one is willing to render aid to
you.
Personally, you must have some faith in humanity. Don't keep
thinking, "no one cares about me, I tell them they will just tell
me to phuck off". There are people who cares about you. Don't give
up without trying!
Keeping everything to yourself is very torturous. Sometimes, all
you need is just to relax and confide in someone you trust, it need
not be a "proffesional" like a psychiatrist. Do you have a
religion? Perhaps confide in them? Your family? Let them know, see
how they can help.
If you really think that all these is not going to help, then
please, seek help from the MO to get a refferal to a psychiatrist.
Why worry bout your future being messed up, when your current life
will soon be if you don't get help soon? Don't worry about people
condeming you in the future. People who can think will judge you
positively, as you're one who knows what's wrong with yourself and
is willing to bring a change about it.
I'm sure most of the forumers here will be more than willing to
lend you our ears. If you think your message can't be displayed
publicly, maybe a private message will do?
All the best for you! =)