Hi Ah Jun,
I do not know much about your condition, but from your previous
posts in this thread, I figure you are someone who needs constant
reassurance and encouragement, or should I say you have a rather
low-self esteem.
I am glad to see that you have taken concrete steps to help
yourself, open up and ask people for help. Now that you have
understood your condition, I believe the last thing you need would
be a negative mindset and attitude. Instead, I think you should now
try to look ahead, and think of concrete steps or actions that you
can take to solve this problem. Asking yourself questions
repeatedly, and constantly worrying, be it conscious or otherwise,
would not be productive; this state of inaction and constant
worrying would not bring you anywhere, and if any, would only
deteriorate your current condition.
There are many ways advices as mentioned by others on this forum. I
believe, besides constant reassurances and encouragements by those
around you, what you really need to do now is to decide on what you
are going to do. Of course, to each, there may be only more
questions that you will probe about, but why not take them one by
one slowly with time. Instead of wearing yourself out with more
questions, why not focus on one option (say, sound out to your pc
on the first day, perhaps), and just wait to find out whatever
happens next. Perhaps, things aren't as bad as you think, and
whatever circumstances that you may be thinking may not even occur
in the first place.
In army, or in life alike, I believe you should try to slowly build
up the confidence and trust in you, otherwise, it would be a rather
hard time for you out there. I believe no one would appreciate
associating with one who keeps doubting himself or having negative
thoughts, like I said, be it conscious or not. In any case, I am
sure you will be able to do that. Have faith in yourself!
Medication and counselling, alone, I believe, would not aid your
condition much. What will, however, is your resolve to start
believing in yourself and thinking positively.
Do not try to attribute whatever difficulties you may be facing now
to your condition. Instead, look at them, accept them, and come to
terms with them.
Draw strength from those around you and more importantly, yourself.
If you don't help yourself, no one will. If you don't believe in
yourself, who will? Prove those that doubt you wrong. You will do
fine, I assure you.
Good luck for your enlistment. I will be enlisting next Jan.
