For me, as for every German, there now began the greatest and
most unforgettable time of my earthly existence. Compared to the
events of this gigantic struggle, everything past receded to
shallow nothingness. Precisely in these days, with the tenth
anniversary of the mighty event approaching, I think back with
proud sadness on those first weeks of our people's heroic struggle,
in which Fate graciously allowed me to take part.
As though it were yesterday, image after image passes before my
eyes. I see myself donning the uniform in the circle of my dear
comrades, turning out for the first time, drilling, etc., until the
day came for us to march off.
A single worry tormented me at that time, me, as so many others:
would we not reach the front too late? Time and time again this
alone banished all my calm. Thus, in every cause for rejoicing at a
new, heroic victory, a slight drop of bitterness was hidden, for
every new victory seemed to increase the danger of our coming too
late.
At last the day came when we left Munich to begin the fulfillment
of our duty. For the first time I saw the Rhine as we rode westward
along its quiet waters to defend it, the German stream of streams,
from the greed of the old enemy. When through the tender veil of
the early morning mist the Niederwald Monument gleamed down upon us
in the gentle first rays of the sun, the old Watch on the Rhine
roared out of the endless transport train into the morning sky, and
I felt as though my heart would burst.
And then came a damp, cold night in Flanders, through which we
marched in silence, and when the day began to emerge from the
mists, suddenly an iron greeting came whizzing at us over our
heads, and with a sharp report sent the little pellets flying
between our ranks, ripping up the wet ground; but even before the
little cloud had passed, from two hundred throats the first hurrah
rose to meet the first messenger of death. Then a crackling and a
roaring, a singing and a howling began, and with feverish eyes each
one of us was drawn forward, faster and faster, until suddenly past
turnip fields and hedges the fight began, the fight of man against
man. And from the distance the strains of a song reached our ears,
coming closer and closer, leaping from company to company, and just
as Death plunged a busy hand into our ranks, the song reached us
too and we passed it along: 'Deutschland, Deutschland über Alles,
über Alles in der Welt!'
Four days later we came back. Even our step had changed.
Seventeen-year-old boys now looked like men.
The volunteers of the List regiment may not have learned to fight
properly, but they knew how to die like old soldiers
This was the beginning.
Thus it went on year after year; but the romance of battle had been
replaced by horror. The enthusiasm gradually cooled and the
exuberant joy was stifled by mortal fear. The time came when every
man had to struggle between the instinct of self-preservation and
the admonitions of duty. I, too, was not spared by this struggle.
Always when Death was on the hunt, a vague something tried to
revolt, strove to represent itself to the weak body as reason, yet
it was only cowardice, which in such disguises tried to ensnare the
individual. A grave tugging and warning set in, and often it was
only the last remnant of conscience which decided the issue. Yet
the more this voice admonished one to caution, the louder and more
insistent its lures, the sharper resistance grew until at last,
after a long inner struggle, consciousness of duty emerged
victorious. By the winter of 1915-16 this struggle had for me been
decided. At last my will was undisputed master. If in the first
days I went over the top with rejoicing and laughter, I was now
calm and determined. And this was enduring. Now Fate could bring on
the ultimate tests without my nerves shattering or my reason
failing.
The young volunteer had become an old soldier.