Originally posted by DeadPoet:
Firstly, there are hardly any images to work with. It is full of
abstracts and clichés. Frankly, even after reading this poem
several times, I feel and remember nothing of it.
Secondly, why the capitalisation of Sorrow and Misery? Beside,
these two words are really overused. Instead of telling me why you
are feeling sorrow and misery, may I suggest showing us instead?
Paint a picture that we can see and not you can see.
Thirdly strictly speaking, there is nothing poetic in this piece.
It sounds too much like a prose.
Fourthly, why the strange arrangement of the strophes? I dont see
any vivid reasons for such arrangement.
Fifthly, is there a reason why you chose to use little or no
punctuation? Standard punctuation should only be abandoned with
good reasons. Do you have any?
Lastly, may I suggest holding off rhyming until youve been reading
and writing poetry for a few years? If you are going to rhyme, then
you need to master the use of meter.
I hope I am not too discouraging, but you did ask for my honest
opinions right?
Woah why so harsh deadpoet?
