Help

guilty SG · 2010-08-02T20:41:07+00:00

Hi Guilty,By feeling a Sense of Remorse and Willing to Change your ways is already a form of Positive Karma. In order for a seed to grow and mature into a tr...

guilty SG

Dawnfirstlight SG

I am a 31 yrs old male, but i still feel very guilty for a teenage peeping incident, back when i was 15 to 16, i stuck a very small hole at my house toilet and peeped at my uncle wife bathing at a few occasion, i did not know why i did that, maybe my lust/ pruperty and curosity for ladies, i stop after a few sessions after i felt i should not do that anymore.

Now whenever i see my uncle or her wife, i feel very guilty and very regretful, some more i am not caught, i feel very much like confeesing to her but do not have the courage, what should i do,so guilty

I understand from buddhism that if i do not really say sorry and repent to the person i will recieve negative karma and future effects, but i do not have the courage and i fear the reaction from her and my love ones; i am also worried if i will cause any further negative karma if i confess, will she feel annoyed, anxiety due to this so confused, please help

Should i confess to her, i start to think whether what i did will cause any negative more karma that i do not know

like someone who took over the house notice the hole which i attempted to mend and used it like what i did, could i have cause another bad karma

So confused and worried

In my opinion, don't confess to your uncle's wife, it will cause embarrassment and how are you going to face them ? Confess and repent to Buddha if you are a Buddhist. It is also more effective to confess and repent to Buddha than to your uncle's wife. Buddhism is very practical, don't do foolish thing by confessing to your uncle's wife, it does not help you or your uncle's wife in anyway.

An Eternal Now SG

I second dawnfirstlight's advice. Repent to the Buddha is enough. In Buddhism, we are told to repent to Buddha, not necessarily have to repent to the person (it depends on situation).

Also, sometimes you just have to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes in life especially when young and ignorant, and continue to make mistakes even when we grow old. Let go of guilt.

As Thusness mentioned before (not exact words though) that we should be able to let go of any right or wrongdoings - do not let right and wrong doings leave a trace in our consciousness.

What's past is past, stay Present..

See geis' thread, very important: Realizing Guiltlessness

wisdomeye SG

If you know of any repentance practices like 88 Buddhas or 35 Buddhas or Vajrasattva practice. Do it.

You can also do some chanting to purify your negative karma. If you have no contact with Buddhism prior to this then you can try reciting Amituofo or Om Mani Padme Hung. They will purify your karma over time. Not only this karma.

Whatever has been done, you can just talk to the Buddha mentally, saying that you regret what has been done, you are not going to do it again.

In Tibetan Buddhism, there are 4 factors that purify karma entirely:

1. Regret and not hiding whatever you have done in front of the Buddhas

2. Relying on the Buddhas as a support for confession

3. Performing some practice as an antidote, certain practices are prescribed for this, eg. Vajrasattva or Om Mani Padme Hung or Buddha name

4. Resolve never to do it again.

If the 4 factors are complete, one's karma is completely purified.

If one is doing these practices diligently, one may experience certain signs of purification. It is not a vague thing. The signs will come repeatedly. Then that is a sign that your karma has been purified to a certain extent. And this is referring to your karma from beginningless time till now.

If you need more info, can PM me.

guilty SG

zero thought SG

Since you don't know whether she knew or not, it's best not to confess to her in case she doesn't know.

Just repent b4 the Buddha and reform by not doing it anymore like what the others said.

Then after that, let it go. If you keep clinging on to it in your mind, isn't it just continuing creating more karma? Let it go after you repented. Just like you died yesterday and are reborn again today.

likeyou SG

To TS, if you know it is wrong and guilt, pray to the buddha for forgiveness in sincere heart. Dont let this affect your life. You are 15+ when you do this, as what you said, probably out of curiosity.

VexTeen92 SG

Can go watch Ajahn Brahm's youtube video, I remember watching a video something like feeling guilty...etc. He have this AFL code which i find very useful.

A: Acknowlegde

F: Forgive

L: Learn

whats done its done, no point harping over it. So acknowlege the prob, forgive yourself and learn from this lesson.

An Eternal Now SG

Haha... sorry if people think my standard of morality is not so high.

But honestly, I don't think what you said here is really that serious.

If you know a mistake, just learn and move on. Don't live in guilt.

mancha SG

You will commit many more mistakes while going through life.

Some mistakes you will never know.

Some mistakes you will realize after doing it.

Some mistakes you know is wrong, but do it anyway.

To each of them you will experience the consequences accordingly.

Since they are done, just learn from it and act accordingly.

Resolve never to do it again, make amends, apologise, or accept the punishment, and move on.

VexTeen92 SG

Focus now lah. Don't repeat it. Karma is flexible not fixed. Is good to reflect past doings, but if leads to nowhere or will create more negativity then I think its not good liao.

佛力大不过业力，业力大不过愿力。发愿向善。

guilty SG

Just feel that all the things i did bad all motivated by lust and all these add up will result in a big effect, on my next life..like a bad rebirth or some bad happening, the thought of that scares me.

This makes me not able to move forward, and i there are so many teaching on karma, thervanda teaching say karma cannot be purified, whereas the other schools say can, and accordingly thervanda is the closest teaching to the buddha, and that makes me feel no hope.

wisdomeye SG

hi guilty,

i won't like to make you feel guiltier really hahaha, but it's quite good to feel bad about being so motivated by lust.

Try to change, feeling bad is a factor of regret and helps one to purify too. Purify is not just some invisible thing happening.. for instance, if your mind becomes more relaxed and less pushed by lust then that is purification in itself. It is something you can sense and feel yourself.

I feel that your habitual tendency is quite strong. You should try to do something about it. Like chanting OM MANI PADME HUNG then pray to Buddha say, help me change.

I think you should worry more about your future acts than what you have already done. If you don't turn around, the habit may grow stronger and stronger. So try to turn the habit, don't let the habit turn you... Keep trying to... don't give up!

VexTeen92 SG

You realize you develop fear and anxiety along way when you learn karma? This not intended in Buddhism.

wisdomeye SG

you can look at

http://www.jiexieyin.org/

it's a website against sexual misconduct... i'm not saying you are having misconduct, just that it is a website for people who are fighting lust...

read the section on

体会和效验

it is very helpful to read how others are strong enough to overcome their problems...

good luck and Buddha Bless !!!

An Eternal Now SG

I don't think Theravada ever says that you cannot purify your karma.

Remember Angulimala who killed almost a thousand men?

He converted and became an Arhant.

What is your 'sins' compared to Angulimala? hahaha...

guilty SG

Ya Angulimala became a arhat that why the seed of karma has no more effect on him that what i understand cause at his stage, black seed are no more black and whites seed are no more white. For me, arhat is a far far target hee

guilty SG

I will never do any bodily lust karma anymore..i am determined but just worried about the bad effect i have thus created so far

Weychin SG

Hi guilty, hope this of help to you:-

The old saying "What goes around comes around" is a simple way to explain the notion of "karma." Meaning "action" in Sanskrit, karma in Buddhism means that none of our actions are insignificant; the things we do determine what things will happen to us. With karma, action equals reaction; if we act in a positive manner, good things will happen to us. Conversely, negative actions result in negative reactions. Believers in reincarnation believe we carry our positive and negative karma with us from one life to the next. Thubten Chodren, a Buddhist nun and teacher who studied under the Dalai Lama, says you can purify your bad karma by practicing The Four Opponent Powers: Power of Regret, Power of Reliance/Repairing the Relationship, Power of Determination not to Repeat the Action, and Power of Remedial Action.

Regret your negative actions. Buddhism teaches that "regret" is different than "guilt." When you feel guilty about the action, it is self-serving because it centers on you and how you feel. Regret, on the other hand, "has an element of wisdom; it notices our mistakes and regrets them," Chodren says. If you've acted in a harmful way, you should think about what you've done and how your actions have negatively affected others. You should also think about how those actions may hurt you and others in the future.

Try to repair the damage done by your negative actions. If your actions have caused harm upon another person or persons, it is important to apologize to them for what you've done. Sometimes this isn't possible because the person is dead, we've lost touch with him or we don't know who our actions have damaged. This is okay since what is more important, says Chodren, is to repair the damage within your own mind. "Here, we generate love and compassion, and the altruistic intention for those whom previously we held bad feelings about," she says. By changing those negative emotions within us that caused us to act negatively in the first place, we can change ourselves from within.

Strive not to repeat that negative action in the future. You should set it in your mind that you will not commit the negative act again; the longer you are able to keep that promise to yourself, the more confidence you will gain that you can break bad habits and act in more positive ways. It is not always easy to do this, so if you do find yourself repeating a negative action, such as losing your temper or gossiping, Chodren says you should tell yourself you will not repeat the action for the next 2 days. Once you've achieved that goal, you can say to yourself "I will continue to try and not do that again."

Take positive action. Practicing Buddhists have many methods of remedial action including reciting mantras, making offerings to a monastery or temple, and meditating. Chodren says you can also do things like perform community service such as volunteering at a hospital, feeding the homeless or teaching people to read. Any action that benefits others can be considered a remedial action.

So far as I can see, your desire or lust, have only hurt yourself, or did your" victim" suffer more due to your acts?

If you deeply feel you have done somebody wrong, or owe somebody something, repay him/her back!

How? Start by being kind and considerate to that person!

And also, now that your're an adult, how would you deal with a teenager full of hormones who have learnt to a an adult!

Confess to the person if only the person is an open minded and understanding, otherwise, it will cause embarrassment to the person! Although you may be willing to accept the consequences, the victim do not deserve it!

If desires or lust is present in us, understand it is a primal urge,the important thing is how we manage it and not overwhelm us, or distract us and turn into an obsession.

zero thought SG

Hi Guilty,

罪从心起将心忏
心若灭时罪亦亡
心亡罪灭两俱空
是则名为真忏悔

Don't keep brooding on how you lust in the past. Once you have repented, just let it go. If you can't let it go and it keeps popping up in your mind, use the recitation of the name of Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa. Here's a section on chapter 25 of the Lotus sutra... If you can be constantly mindful of Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa, you will be able to rid of greed (lust included), hatred, and delusion.

If living beings who have much sexual desire constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from desire.
If those who have much hatred constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from hatred.
If those who are very stupid constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from stupidity.

Explanation of the above 3 lines here...

"If living beings who have much sexual desire constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from desire."

Commentary:
If living beings who have much sexual desire. Some people study the Buddhadharma on one hand, and entertain lustful desire on the other. The more they study the Dharma, the stronger their desire is. They think about sex all day long, until their desire thoughts are like flowing water. This is the worst of thoughts and the worst kind of behavior, a very bad sign. What should they do? They don't have to get nervous or worry. They should just constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva. It's not good enough just to recite it; you must also be reverent. You should bow more to Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva.

Bowing to the Buddhas is just paying great reverence to the Buddhas. Most people don't understand what bowing to the Buddhas means. Adherents to externalist religions say it's just bowing to wooden idols. Blind people speak blind-talk. They don't have eyes; they can't see the Buddhas' light, and so they say it's idol worship. But bowing to the Buddhas represents the reverence in our heart.

To respect the Triple Jewel, we must certainly bow to the Buddhas. Take care not to be arrogant and think, "I am great. I am greater than the Buddhas. Why should I bow to them?" That's a mistake. If people always bow and recite Gwan Yin Bodhisattva's name, they will be separated from desire. It's gone!

You say, "But I like sexual desire. What am I going to do without it?"

If you like it, you don't have to recite Gwan Yin Bodhisattva's name. That's all. It's simple enough. If you don't want your sexual desire, you can get rid of it. If you want to keep it, you don't have to get rid of it. Either way, it's up to you.

"If those who have much hatred constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from hatred."

Commentary:

If there are those who have much hatred, they should recite Gwan Yin Bodhisattva's name. Hatred manifests as overt anger. Anger is a kind of affliction. Affliction is just ignorance. Hatred is like fire.

It is said, "One spark of fire can burn up a forest of merit and virtue." Therefore, there is an ancient saying that,

The firewood gathered in a thousand days,

Goes up in the fire of a single spark's blaze.

You can gather firewood for a thousand days, a long time; but one little match can burn it all up. This describes how ordinarily we may try to do good and virtuous deeds. We may do this over a long period of time, but then we get mad and the fire of ignorance rises. All that merit and virtue is burned right off. If you have a big temper, you will produce ignorance whenever you open your mouth.

What kind of people like to get mad? Asuras! Everyone has come down a particular path. Some have come down the Buddha path. Some have come down the path of gods. Others have come down the path of humans, asuras, animals, ghosts, or hell-beings.

Those who have come down the Buddha path are, for the most part, compassionate. Those who have come down the ghost path are, for the most part, cheap and lowly. They never take a loss. They are really sneaky and slimy-not reliable. Unreliable people are said to be ghostly. Those from the path of humans have affinities with everyone. Those from the animal path are insatiably greedy for everything. The more the better! Asuras like to get angry. Those from the immortal path like things clear and light.

So now we are talking about asuras. Have you noticed how there are some people who are just miserable all the time? They are always on the verge of "blowing their tops." They are just asuras. They have asura-natures. Can they change? Yes. How? The Dharma Flower Sutra tells us in detail. All you have to do is constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva. This means to recite all the time, without ever stopping. Recite constantly and be reverent by going to temples and bowing to Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva. You can't just bow today and not tomorrow, or bow in the morning and not bow at night. If you have no work to do, then spend your time bowing and reciting. Gradually, they will be separated from hatred. Your temper will vanish.

You won't know quite how it happened, but strangely enough your temper will have disappeared. It's just that mysterious. You don't know about this, but I have had personal experience, and I know. I used to have a terrible temper. I used to hit and scold people. When I was very young, twelve or so, I liked to fight with people. No matter how big a person was, he had to listen to my orders or I would clobber him until he submitted. That's just an asura-nature. Later, when I studied the Buddhadharma, I realized that anger was wrong, and I changed. I always recited the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva. So now, sometimes even when my own disciples bully me, I still don't get angry. My disciples may get mad at me, but I practice patience and endure it. I know that eventually they will understand that they are wrong. Before I used to get mad at people, and now, my disciples get mad at me!

"Which ones?" You ask.

"You know who you are," I say.

Before, I got mad at others; now others get mad at me. This is just retribution. I have received these bad disciples who bully their good teacher. But the good teacher doesn't get angry anymore. I don't know where my temper went, but I am not going to look for it. If I find it again, it will be even worse!

"If those who are very stupid constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from stupidity."

Commentary:
If those who are very stupid. We have already discussed greed and hatred. Now we will discuss stupidity. These are the three poisons. They poison our Buddha-natures and put them to sleep. Why haven't we awakened yet? Why is it that we live as if drunk and die in a dream? It's all because of the three poisons.

The primary form of greed is sexual desire. Sexual desire is extremely harmful to people's natures. But most people think it's very enjoyable, and so they engage in all kinds of impure conduct. Day by day, the original Buddha-nature becomes covered with filth so that its light does not manifest. This is all because of greed for sex.

Sexual desire and hatred are the same thing. Now we are talking about stupidity. What's that? Stupidity just means that you feel that you are not stupid. That's stupid! A person may think he is intelligent and wise, but then you ask him, "Where did you come from? Where are you going to in the future?" and he can't answer. He doesn't know where he came from or where he is going, and he says he is intelligent. He won't admit that he is stupid.

In this world, everyone looks after the petty business of fame and profit. People toil for fame and profit all day long. They hurt each other, kill each other, and commit mayhem-all just for profit. If you put all the people in the world together, how many would there be? Two. One who seeks fame, and one who seeks profit.

Fame and profit turn people entirely upside down. They don't wake up. From birth to death, they fight and struggle. Some seek to get elected to office. Others seek to get rich. Some run after the opposite sex or some other kind of happiness. But when this happiness goes, at the time of death they have no idea where they are going. And yet they still think they are incredible geniuses with great wisdom! "I am the smartest. I have the most wisdom. I was first in my class every year. I am ahead of everyone in everything!" Actually, how is it? As long as you haven't recognized your own original face, no matter how smart you are, it's a false intelligence. People with genuine wisdom will not think that they are wise.

"Then will they think they are stupid?" you ask.

No, they won't think they are stupid or wise. They will feel they are pretty much the same as everyone else. But in their thinking and attitudes, they will be clear. They are clear about the fact that everything is like an illusion; like a bubble, a shadow, a dew drop, or a flash of lightning. Knowing that everything is like a dream, they will not be greedy for glory, power, or wealth. Knowing that everything is an illusion, they will not be greedy for sex, power, or profit. It's all impermanent. All of it. And so the Vajra Sutra says, "All conditioned dharmas are like a dream, a bubble, or a shadow."

What are conditioned dharmas? They are all those things with marks, all the things we perceive. All are like illusions, dreams, or bubbles. Would you say a bubble on the ocean is real? If you say it's real, it will soon pop and disappear. If you say it's false, there it is! Although it's there, it has no real substance. A shadow is also false. It's like dew in the morning. It's there, but as soon as the sun shines on it, it's gone. A lightning flash appears for but a moment.

If you can look upon everything as being like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, a shadow, dew, or a lightning flash, then what attachments could there be? None. Without attachments, you'll have genuine understanding. You won't let your thinking wander as it will to the north, east, south, or west. You will put down polluted thinking and involvement with the dust of the world. Having put it all down, you couldn't not become a Buddha if you tried! You would have wisdom whether you wanted it or not. You would naturally be wise.

When you don't have wisdom, you might think, "I'm pretty wise." But once you have true wisdom, you will think, "Oh, originally, this was mine all the time. It did not come from the outside." At that time you won't be arrogant. You won't think, "See me? I'm the smartest one here. I'm the prettiest one here. I'm the most talented, incredible, unusual person here." If you think like that, you are attached to appearances.

"Appearances" just means your stinking skin-bag-the dream, illusion, bubble, shadow, dew drop, and lightning flash. All day long you put on your nice clothes, eat your fancy food, live in your fine house, and enjoy your amusements. You may think these are great, but when the time comes to die, they aren't going to help you out in the least.

Besides, in order to satisfy their stinking skin-bags, people are busy all day long smoking, drinking, stuffing themselves with food, and trying to fill that bottomless pit. You can't fill a bottomless pit: it all keeps leaking right out! The more it leaks, the more you fill it; the more you fill it, the more it leaks. It certainly keeps you busy.

Why do I eat one meal a day? Because three meals a day are just too much trouble! Most people think that eating fine food is a real pleasure; I think it's a lot of trouble. If you over-eat, your stomach hurts. If you don't eat enough, your greed isn't satisfied. You think, "That was good. I'd like to have a little bit more!" If you don't eat such good food, you won't be so greedy; and it's a lot easier for your stomach.

It's just a lot of trouble and it all comes about because of stupidity. Being stupid, one seeks after pleasure, wealth, enjoyment, and fun with the opposite sex; it's all upside down. You can be as greedy as you want, and then what? When the time comes, you are still going to die. When the time comes to die, you won't have control over the situation at all. Isn't that stupid?

Now, being so stupid, what do we do? Rely upon the method given in the Dharma Flower Sutra. If people constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, they will be separated from stupidity. Recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva, and your stupidity will disappear as your wisdom comes forth.

If you know that you are stupid, you have recognized yourself. You have to have some wisdom to be able to realize that you are stupid. People without wisdom won't have any idea that they are stupid. The farther they run, the farther off they get. If it's not bad enough being stupid, they have to double it by thinking they're intelligent!

How do we get rid of our stupidity? We must constantly and reverently recite the name of Gwan Shr Yin Bodhisattva. This is the most wonderful and efficacious method. It's a money-back guarantee, wonderful beyond words.

Speaking of stupidity and wisdom, what is stupidity? What is wisdom? I'll tell you something you won't believe. Stupidity is wisdom; wisdom is stupidity! Why do I say this?

Take a look at the Heart Sutra: "Form does not differ from emptiness; emptiness does not differ from form. Form itself is emptiness; emptiness itself is form."

True form comes from true emptiness. True emptiness comes from true form. They are two and yet not two. If you know how to use it, it's wisdom; if you can't use it, it's stupidity. Stupidity and wisdom are not two. It just depends on whether or not you can use it. If you can use it, stupidity turns to wisdom; if you can't use it, wisdom turns to stupidity. They are two and yet not two. If you obtain genuine wisdom, then you will know, "Oh, originally it was like this," and you won't be upside down.