Hi guilty
Thank you for your honest confession.
By the fact that you are feeling bad and is fearful of its
effect it shows that you are remorse of your action. I think a lot
of positive suggestion has been given. Is good that you are
starting to take control of your life.
Whatever potential effects you need to bear in the future is
still a question mark, by worrying does it lessen the effects.
Remember for a effect to take place, it needs the right conditions.
Not all rice seeds that a farmer sow in the field will grown to
become harvest crop. However, I do want to remind as a online pal
that some of your MRT touching acts do have
the potential to land you jail if repeated. As sometime one can get
carry away the act, when one is it. Therefore, I hope that you can
overcome this area of your life before it become a crime (effect)
in this lifetime.
Next, on a humanity level, you mentioned that you enjoy being
close and bodily touch the woman in a crowded MRT. I am not sure if it imply that there is some
unspoken emotional needs in your life. As the touching act bring
gratification to you. Perhaps you are facing inferior complex issue
and having some difficulty in developing positive relationship with
the opposite sex. I hope that you can learn to love yourself in a
positive way if maybe do seek help from counsellor.
By the way, I can see that you do admire Arhant for their
abilities to overcome the earthly desire. According to law of
physic there are no different between Arhant,historical Shakyamuni
Buddha and our earthly body make up. We are make up of the same Big
Bang atom. The only difference between us is the wisdom. They know
how to use the wisdom to control the mind in return to overcome the
body desire that arises out of greed, ignorance and hatred (3
poisons). Hence fear not, we are all in the same boat. We are all
learning to overcome the 3 posions in our life that arises as
various afflictions and problem in our life.
Finally, pick up a practice that suit your preference so that
whenever you recollect your practice your will desire to uphold the
moral precept. When the right concentration has been developed,
wisdom will arise to overcome your affliction. (see http://www.kktanhp.com/power_of_now_by_eckhart_…
for further reading)
I shall end with this famous Christian prayer.
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo!