i have some questions on buddhism... first question... the main
tenets of buddhism seem to focus a lot on the self... but does
buddhism encourage empathy for the people in their community? i
know there are organisations like tze chi that help
others, but correct me if i'm wrong, there is actually not a
strong culture of active helping in the religion, at least in
singapore?
personally i am buddhist. i don't go to the temple regularly,
but i try to practise the more universal aspects of the religion in
my daily life. i felt quite disillusioned with practitioners of the
religion last yr, because my family went through a difficult
period... my mum was hospitalised and after three mths in
and out of hospital, she was finally diagnosed with
cancer.
during this time, i realised that the relatives who stood by us,
those who came and prayed for her to get well, helped us wif our
daily life, were all christians. none of our buddhist relatives
showed us so much concern. and the thing was, our
christian relatives did not even try to convert us. they were
simply just showing their concern and compassion because
they believed that their god wanted them to be
compassionate to their fellow human being.
i felt then that if buddhists could be like christians too, and
take an active interest in others' life... it would be a good
thing...
my second question is abt the sutras... do you feel that most of
them are too general? E.g. "performs virtuous deeds" but what is
virtuous to someone may not be virtuous to another... similarly,
there are many different ways we can interprete the words "pure"
and "evil"...
to share another experience... while my mum was still in
hospital and i was full of fear of losing her, my ex bf, who is a
teacher, and a buddhist who has sought refuge and goes for the san1
bu4 yi bai4 every yr, said that since i cldn't go out with him
(because my mum was in hospital) it was not wrong for him to go out
for movies and dinner every day with a female colleague whom
he later confessed to having feelings for.
when i tried to tell him that i needed him with me, he
criticised me further for trying to restrict his social life and
even said that he was with me because he cldn't be with the other
girl (she was already attached). i was troubled for a long time,
and i felt that he was acting in a way that
was unlike the way that he presented himself to his colleagues
and his students, not like the man that he said he wanted to
be.
i am not sure how buddhists seek refuge... but is it
possible that the religion is being used by those who feel
protected by the religion to justify their actions that could hurt
others? is there any sutra that lists out specifically what is
meant by a virtuous act and what is meant by an unvirtuous act? for
instance, could it be that my ex felt that
by consistently going for the san bu yi bai, he was
already a virtuous man? but he is not aware of the
adverse impact of his other actions on those who loved
him?
when i sent the girl whom he went out with an email message,
with no harm, but simply to ask her if she could spend less
time with my bf, she told him abt it and he took the moral
high ground and said that he was amazed at what "hatred" could do.
could it be that buddhism has made him feel self-righteous and sure
of himself that he simply could not empathise with another's
feelings?
Good morning cathykitty,
I am sorry to hear about your mother's plight. I hope that she
is recovering well and that you have the financial might to make
ends meet right now.
After reading what you had posted, I feel that you should be
appreciative and feel blessed to have christian relatives who
helped you out during this crisis of your life.
As AEN had mentioned, we don't know whether your buddhist
relatives really do understand the Buddha's Teachings. However,
don't be surprised that there are people who understand the
Buddha's Teachings but chose not to do anything about it or choose
to do something about it which are socially disengage.
I have an aunt who is a devout buddhist and has been taking
care of my grandmother who is suffering from dementia for near 10
years. Her husband is quite successful in his business. My aunt can
give up the responsibility of taking care of my grandmother and be
a taitai. But no, she chose to shoulder that duty. She told me, my
grandmother has a total of 11 children. To her, it is ridiculous to
say that none of them can take care of my grandmother. She is
blessed that her husband did not object her decision and allow
my grandmother to stay with them. Even her sons take turn to help
moving my grandmother around (my grandmother is simply wheelchair
bound and survive by feeding in liquid food, no controls of bowels,
etc).
This aunt I have, has an elder sister who is a devout christian.
She converted at the time when her marriage had problems. 2 years
ago, she found out she had cancer and the operation was successful.
Since then, she never stops to preach about how great Jesus is in
saving her life (and I thought it's by the doctors?). To us, we may
find that it's kind of absurd to have someone keep 'advertising'
his/her religion. But to them, due to their faith and conviction,
they consider to be living testimonies for their God.
I also feel that in Singapore, the altruism spirit that can be
found in Buddhism is not strong. But that shouldn't bring you to
giving up hope in the Buddha's Teachings.
If you willing to commit some time into studying the sutras, you
can find that answers in there. Read sutras that are uncommonly
found compare to those that you can commonly find in free
distribution area. Certain sutras were preached by Buddha for easy
read. Some were preached with more details in them. If you're
really interested, comprehend both and you will know how to
reconcile them.
In regards to your ex-bf, he's a jerk. Just ignore him.
Time will not heal your anger and hurt; time only numbs them.
Your anger and hurt will only be healed when you choose to let
those emotions go. You feel anger and hurt is because you still
have some feelings for him. When you have feelings for him, you
attached to him mentally, but you know very well that his heart has
left you, this knowledge is the source of your anger and hurt. Only
when that love for him is gone, then the anger and hurt will go
away. I hope you can do that if not, it will be unfair for a new
love to come into your life to have your heart not solely on
him.
Love yourself;
Love your family;
Love those who love you;
And you will find the strength to move on. When you're despair
and at your wits' end, offer your prayers to the Buddhas and
Bodhisattvas, if you have a pure heart and good intentions, they
will help you. Have faith.
Take good care okay? We hope to hear good news from you the next
time =)
南無久遠實成釋迦牟尼佛
南無多寶如來
南無妙法蓮華經
