I thought there's this sort of thread before but nil results in
the searches..so here goes.
25. That in period pieces, vintage cars are always freshly
polished, painted, and clean. They never have scratches, dents or
any signs of use.
24. Every time were introduced to a police precinct house, one or
more colourfully dressed prostitutes are being brought in while
bickering with their arresting officer.
23. Chinese food takeout in a movie always comes in those little
white boxes, which I have never, in my life, seen chinese food
arrive at my door in. I desperately want it to, but it never
does.
22. If a bar or clubhouse has a pinball machine, its gonna get
fcuking trashed during a fight scene. (Ive ALWAYS wanted my own
pinball machine, so this one makes me wince)
21. That its only after the detective has been suspended (and
obligatorily forced to place his badge and gun on the lieutenants
desk) that he can properly crack the case.
20. That in war, only the enemy (usually the Viet Cong) were ever
low-down enough to stoop to using booby traps.
19. People being chased by a car who run top speed down the middle
of the street instead of simply ducking somewhere where a car cant
follow, which happens to be pretty much anywhere except the middle
of the street.
18. Young gorgeous women constantly falling in love with men much,
much older than they are. In other words: Fuck you Jack Nicholson
and Clint Eastwood.
17. Chess players are always always brilliant, charming, upper
class people, while card players are always sneaky, foul mouthed,
and prone to cheating.
16. When an innocent cough is always a symptom of terminal
illness.
15. Women that never have enough sense to keep running while being
chased by an enemy unless a guy is pulling her along by her hand or
wrist despite the fact that this takes them far below the speed
either one could go on their own.
14. That somehow singing in a moving vehicle always makes something
terrible happen.
13. If someone dies with their eyes open, someone will close them
by effortlessly moving their hand over the deceased face and they
will remain tightly shut.
12. If our protagonist goes to a sporting event, no matter who he
is, his face will always end up on the fucking jumbotron.
11. Women that dont sweat during sex.
10. That every helicopter shutting down emits the chirp-chirp-chirp
sound, in spite of the fact that only the Bell 47G (the chopper on
MASH) actually makes this noise.
9. If a hero is divorced (and most are), that hell have some
contact with his ex-wife who will still have strong feelings for
him even if shes remarried.
8. All computer keyboards or control panels have thousands of volts
just underneath their surface, and their malfunctions are indicated
by a puff of smoke and a cartoonish shower of sparks.
7. That Native Americans invariably have mystical knowledge that
can obtusely predict the future, or have a fundamental
understanding of all things in nature .
6. That when a phone line is broken unexpectedly, someone will
always frantically press the phone cradle button and yell Hello?
HELLO!? with an emphasis on the second hello.
5. A splash of cold water in face will render the most inebriated
person stone cold sober in a faction of a second. Ive tried it. It
doesnt work.
4. When someone yells You never backed away from everything in
your life, now fight!! while giving someone CPR or working to
resuscitate a stopped heart.
3. Girls are always instantly attractive to every male if they take
off their glasses and/or let down their hair, never mind that they
were totally gorgeous actresses failing to physically portray a
nerd in the first place.
2. Children or retards that are wise beyond their
years/capabilities and that humble the adults around them.
aaaand: (Drumroll)
1. Dogs who always know who is evil, and bark at them.
Hmmm... they could have squeezed in Arnold's "I'll be back!".
