Here's my tongue-in-cheek version of a reply :
Dear (insert name here),
We are truly sorry that you found a strand of hair in your burger.
As a result of your complaint, we shall henceforth employ kitchen
staff who consent to being shaved bald.
To be extra vigilant, we shall also ensure that their nostril hair
is being clipped on a regular basis.
We are also considering the hairy danger eyebrows and eyelashes
pose. We are trying to come up with a viable solution to those
issues, but rest assured that we are working on it.
Meanwhile, you might be happy to know that your next free burger
comes from a hairless cow and is prepared by a bald kitchen
cook.
