To love ... is to obey

last SG · 2005-06-29T09:38:25+00:00

why bother ? ... just don't cheat ! .... seriously ... if you've found THE one .... ... then there's no need for you to cheat ... and if you haven't, ... th...

The man who was death SG

I thought those resale flat owners can sublet flat to anyone they like?

jOhO SG

less than a k every month also got prob with HDB wat..

anyway with combined income should be ok, anyway the ROm date already there, not that i can, or be bothered to decipher when it is lar! ahahhaha..

and yes HDB does rent out their flats under special schemes.. as in really rent, per per month.. dun ask me details tho. Razz

shinta SG

see wrongly haha

ok when i rent from individuals, they can ask me to leave anytime i want. My family's renting right now. All they hav to do is serve us a mth's notice. Imagine after unpackin for like 2 mths, n u're asked to move again. they can give u shitty reasons like my relatives are comin over blah x3

i dun like to move every few mths. and at a rather short notice too. Made me kinda insecure Laughing I hav difficulties sleepin at night

when i "buy" from govt, at least i can stay there until i wanna move or until the flat reaches 99 years

shinta SG

combined income pay hdb no problem ar.. Wink

but private esp condo, got mthly maintenance Sad that one headache Sad

i noe the details to the rental thing havin been to hdb with my mom on a couple of occassions Wink

jOhO SG

ya lor.. so u know.. eheh

how come we talking about housing now ar? hmm.. dun u just love the culture of forums? Laughing

elindra SG

Wahhhh I go to work and come back home and this thread has ballooned into a 5 page monster. Ok guys I did breifly read through but not in detail.

I think the writer has some conflicting beliefs in herself when she wrote that article. Anyway, I'm not going to comment on what I think she thinks but on what I think she wrote about, in my opinion (like anyone cares Laughing ) Anyway, I think in today's context the word 'obey' carries a very negative meaning....kinda you obey because you're a slave.....

Anyway, my dad, like most dad's have the old and ancient dark ages mentality that a woman's place is at home, in the kitchen (Actually I think he has conflicting views too - He thinks my mum should work and take care of the house at the same time, anyway that is him and my mum have accepted from day one that he will not help out with the housework)

Therefore, in view of that, I do not think that To love, is to obey. But it is more like, To love, is to accept who the person really is, within reasonable limits, meaning that the person is not abusive for example.

Take me and Chris for example. I don't think there is a clear defination on who is the 'leader' in our relationship. For certain stuff, he is the main decision-maker though he ask me for my views, and for other things, I'm the main decision-maker though I seek his point of view as well. Basically, what we are doing is making up for each other flaws like he can't write letters and hate filling up forms whereas I know nuts about the difference between a wrench and a crowbar. It really all boils down to mutual respect and recognizing each other strengths and weaknesses, so in a way, you can say, "To Love, is to Accept and compliment each other"

We also stay out of each other's way when the person is in a bad mood. If the person were to lash out for no reason, we hold our tongue because it will lead to nothing but arguments. We just wait for the party to cool down before sitting down to thrash it out like adults. Be it man or woman, we have our moods and tempers. Though it is not right to take it out on each other but keep in mind that the person didn't mean to, it's just that you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Just be there for the person and they will cool down once the pressure is out.

I agree with her strongly though, never ever put your partner down in front of others. This applies to both the guy and the girl. This is BASIC mutual respect.

shinta SG

Shocked Shocked Shocked

Elin jie jie has the same views as nellie! Not all, but most of what u said, I've heard it from him before!

When he's in a bad mood, I'd go over n give him a BIG hug Very Happy somehow huggin him will make him feel so much better! Same goes for me!

shinta SG

Laughing

I'm shifting again

2nd time this year

jOhO SG

wah.. that must really suck... Sad

from where to where?

shinta SG

tpy... to... maybe yishun still sourcing.

That was why I mentioned in the earlier posts why I don't wanna rent a place from individuals.

Since May 2003, I've moved 4 times to date.

2 times in 2003, once in 2004, once so far in 2005 Smile

that sucks. I can't buy stuff. I dun dare to buy stuff at all. Not if i'm gg to throw them away any time in the next 12 mths.

Now that we're finally going to have a fix place, I guess it's time for me to start sourcing for stuff I'd like to have Wink

Nelstar SG

Marriage is a ceremony where two different individuals decide to come together and to start on a family. This bonding is recognised by the Government, and thus, it is an example to show to our partners that we are willing to share our differences, hardships and joy.

Cohabitation simply means anyone can walk out anytime without giving a reason, while marriage is a form of trust where we will be expecting reasons, understanding and more importantly a shared responsibility. Thus, we build upon this bonding, to start a family, to find happiness within the hardships together.

shinta SG

Very Happy

Nelstar SG

I think the best way is to try to explain carefully in a proper tone instead of screaming. Patience also has to come in when you allow time for your partner to express their views. Communication is a skill, very important to a couple.

Mr. Green

SydneyLibrarian SG

Well said on the marriage bit, nel! Wink

shinta SG

I no patience de Sad

Nelstar SG

That's where I come into the picture ma.

Laughing

shinta SG

How u come in?

*scratches head*

not logged in to msn?

Rhonda SG

Waah... Elindra showed me the article before she put up the thread but I was too tired and then got too busy to comment and after a day or so, a 5-page thread!! Laughing

I felt kind of uncomfortable reading the article. It sounded a tad contrived to me, as if the writer was trying to convince herself that she likes doing the things she claims she does. Know what I mean? Confused

The word 'obey' has negative connotations to me. Let's look at the synonyms for 'obey' in the thesaurus. A search yielded the following :

abide by, accede, accept, accord, acquiesce, act upon, adhere to, agree, answer, assent, bow to, carry out, comply, concur, discharge, embrace, execute, follow, fulfill, give in, give way, heed, hold fast, keep, knuckle under, live by, mind, observe, perform, respond, serve, submit, surrender, take orders.

I have trouble accepting the subtle insinuations of the word 'obey' as shown in the synonyms I've highlighted in red. Those words like 'bow to', 'surrender', 'knuckle under', etc all suggest a higher 'authority' that one is under and has no choice but to 'surrender' or succumb to.

I'd rather think that instead of quiet obedience, there's a partnership in the decision-making instead. Each of us are good in different areas, and why can't we use our strengths to make up for the weaknesses of our spouse? Even if he's making all the decisions, calling all the shots, he still doesn't expect us to blindly 'obey' but he would consult us, seek our opinions, have a discussion, and then reach a final decision / compromise? There's no need for power-play in a relationship, I feel, because if you love someone, you won't be looking to make your spouse 'take orders', 'execute orders', 'submit' to you or worse, 'surrender' to ... your Lordship?! Laughing Whoa... it's gettin' hot in here... those words are good in a different context Twisted Evil ... if you know what I mean! Mr. Green

OK, back to the topic! Embarassed Razz

We don't make good decisions all the time. When I get married and I realise that my husband is going to make a dodgy decision that might have bad consequences, I will gently step in to point out the dangers to him and discuss alternative solutions. I sure hope that he won't be so 'ba dao' / dictatorial that he will not listen and expect me to blindly obey, because I cannot and I won't go against logic and I cannot just stand by and watch our ship sink.

To love is to 'obey', as in, to 'accept, accord, acquiesce, agree, assent, concur, and embrace' my spouse's decisions. I will accord him the respect by not belittling him and shattering his fragile ego whilst we're discussing about things. Because I love him, I will tread carefully when I have to tap him on the shoulder, and point out the possible dangers ahead. But sorry, to blindly obey, especially when you see that he's steering the ship towards a huge iceberg, just does not cut it for me! Razz I would probably love him too much to see him walk into a ravine and will definitely 'disobey' by gently but firmly grabbing hold of his hand and together, walk around the ravine, and not into it together. Wink

BufPuf SG

to love is to give and take
he give and i take

and i believe we have reached a common understanding between the both of us Mr. Green

shinta SG

Laughing

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