Instructions on cat grooming product, simplified for
your convenience:
1. wet cat thoroughly
2. apply product and comb through cats wet coat.
3. keep cat from grooming for 10 minutes.
4. rinse product thoroughly off of cat.
5. dry cat to make sure (product) is completely off cat.
Actual sequence of events:
0. cat senses youre up to no good, hides under table.
0.2 cat runs under couch.
0.4 cat resists being picked up.
0.6 cat realizes it is being brought towards the sink.
0.8 mortal komcat!
1. wet cat thoroughly
1.2 put cat back in water and get another 1% of cat wet before cat
gets out again.
1.4 amazingly, cat has managed to writhe into a position where
shes holding herself away from the faucet with all four legs, her
head, and her tail.
1.6 reassure kitty that everythings okay, yank head back to avoid
claw in eye.
1.8 wet cat the rest of the way.
2. apply product and comb through cats wet coat.
2.2 apply product with one hand while holding cat with the
other
2.4 cat lunges for freedom, hides in bedroom.
2.6 find cat in box, continue grooming.
2.8 box falls to shreds, cats coat is fully combed through.
3. keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes
(no, really. these people are insane.)
4. rinse product thoroughly off cat.
4.2 carry festival of whirling sharp claws back to bathroom.
4.4 put cat near stream of water.
4.6 every movable object in the bathroom falls to the floor as cat
struggles in matrixesque bullet-time and attempts to propel herself
through ceiling.
4.8 cat gets washed.
5. dry cat thoroughly.
5.2 chase cat around apartment with towel.
5.4 wrap cat in towel, fluff dry.
5.6 cat gets out of towel.
5.8 see 5.4
6. cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.2 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.4 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.6 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.8 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
