Laughter....The Best Medicine!

NeverSayGoodBye SG

TAXI

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years

NeverSayGoodBye SG

IGNORING the concerns of friends and family that she's too old to cope, a 70-year-old uses fertility treatment to give birth to a baby boy.
After she leaves hospital, her relatives come to visit.
"Let's have a look at the baby," they said.
"Not yet," the 70-year-old replies.
Assuming he must be asleep, the relatives wait an hour then ask again,
"Can we see him now?"
"Not yet," the woman replies.

Two hours pass."Surely we can see the baby now?" the relative ask.
"No says the woman.
"So when exactly can we see him?" exclaim the relatives, growing suspicious.
"When he cries," replies the woman.
"Why do we have to wait until he cries?"
"Because I've forgotten where I put him."

NeverSayGoodBye SG

.....Bill Gates.....

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where Saint Peter gives him a smart six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court.
Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into afterlife.
One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.
"That's really nice," says Bill.
"Where did you get it?"
"Actually," says the man, "I was given 50 of these, plus two mansions, a yacht, a golf course and four Rolls-Royces."
"Wow, were you a pope or a doctor healing the sick?" asks Bill.
"No, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Bill storms off to see Saint Peter.
"How come the captain of a sunken ships gets all that while I, the inventor of the Windows operating system, get a crummy little house?" he asks.
Saint Peter replies, "The Titanic only crashed once."

NeverSayGoodBye SG

I bought a new fridge to get rid of the old, I put
it on my front yard and hung a sign : "Free to good home. You want it, you take it."
For three days the fridge sat there without even one
person looking twice at it. I changed the sign to read :
"Fridge for sale $50." The next day it was stolen.

NeverSayGoodBye SG

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. For convenience, she keeps it in the trunk.

NeverSayGoodBye SG

.....Knock it off

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. Gloria
said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my
hand, and I can't remember whether I'm putting it away, or starting
to make a sandwich."
Susan chimed in: "Sometimes I find myself on the stairs and
can't remember whether I'm going up or down."
Tessie responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that
problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the
table. Then, startled, she said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

NeverSayGoodBye SG

The young buinessman.....

A young buinessman had just started his own firm.
He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with
antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the
outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the
buinessman picked up the phone and started to
pretend he had a big deal in the works.

He threw huge figures around and made giant
commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the
visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

NeverSayGoodBye SG

.....Heart attack.....

Finally... the truth after all the conflicting medical studies..

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

Conclusion... Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is what kills you.

NeverSayGoodBye SG

.....Who's driving?

Two elderly women were in a car. When they came to an intersection, the stoplight was red but they just went right on through. Lilia, who was in the passenger seat, thought to herself: "I must be losing it. I swear we just went through a red light."

After a few minutes, they came to another red light, and again they went right through. Lilia was almost sure the light was red but still thought she was going senile.
At the next intersection, they again went through a red light.
"Amalia!" she cried. "Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row?!"
Amalia turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

NeverSayGoodBye SG

Buget Cuts

A young executive is leaving the office late one night
when he finds the CEO standing over the shredder
with a piece of paper in his hand.
"This is a very sensitive official document,"
says the CEO. "My secretry's gone for the night.
Can you make this thing work?"
"Sure," says the junior exec as he turns on
the shredder and hits the start button.
"Great," says the CEO. "I just need one copy."

« Previous Page