it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house
to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she
was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise
something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4
room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my
house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and
she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited
before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really
tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our
family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc
etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a
poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire
family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one
parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared
before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not
upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel
a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same,
if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant
help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a
month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that
additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my
parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends
are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i
lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning
money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club
activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair.
