Hmmm.. i suggest.. instead of whining, do something to show that
you're not of all I've described of you.
Anyway, this is just light-hearted slapstick humour. I can't please
everyone. Some would enjoy reading it, some won't. Some would say
this is originality and creativity in its finest form (regarding
football write-ups), some would say this is pure crap.
So i suggest you loosen up abit. I'm talking to you in a pretty
nice way, so if you're gon' be rude to me, be sure there's more to
come. And you can jolly well wear your underwear on your head,
masking your utterly embarrassed face. 
