Hi.
I think it is better that you let her go and find another man
who is still virgin and can give her more happiness than you. It's
not just about the financial buden. As you already know, she is not
really comfortable with the fact that you are already married
before and already have children. Think about how she feels. Think
about how other people would label her if she marries you. To be
honest, I do not think she will be happy being with you. You
should let her find the man who will give her the happiness
that she deserves.
You should let her go.
Even though you two are not a couple, you two can still be
friends, you know? She need not be your wife. She can be your
friend, just like the other girls whom you like but did not
marry.
I know you are doing this partly because you love your
children and you want them to have another adult to take care of
them. But this is not the only option. There are alternatives that
are much better than this.
Suggestion:
If you have a brother or sister who is marrying, waiting for BTO
completion or is already a mother or father living in an apartment
somewhere, you may want to negotiate with him/her on letting you
and your children stay with their family.
Back in my secondary school days, I had a Malaysian classmate
whose father went into gambling and owed loan sharks so
much money that he ran away and abandoned her and her
mother, when she was very young. In the end, her mother
brought her over to Singapore to stay with her mother's brother's
family and they have been living together ever since.
I think her fate is quite similar to what your children are
facing, where either the father or the mother is missing from their
lives.
Rather than you marry another woman and let your children
recognise a stranger as their mother, I think it is much better
that you not re-marry but simply find someone in your family who is
willing to let you and your children stay with their family.
In the financial part, this will benefit you, your family member
and the person your family member marries, as you three can share
costs and buy things in bulk quantities (and enjoy discounts).
In the relationship part, this will enable your children to grow
up with people who are biologically related to them. The children
of the other biologically-related family can also have your
children to accompany them and grow up with them. With so many of
them, the kids will not be lonely. They will be happy, and the
house can also be more lively. Whereas for you, your family member
and the person your family member marries, you three can foster
bonds and be brothers and sisters, help each other whenever in need
and live a happy life together.
