lols......... im just 19 yrs old this year
buddist and i have a problem. my problem is i dont know
what should i do... okay i recently been with a guy whom i know
almost yrs.. i know him when i was 14 in the same company we work..
that 1 yr he very caring and we went lunch together go home
together go take up course together.. he was a very so call ah beng
type and i was.. i was realli simple minded girl.. reali untill
nw... i don club i don smoke yeah and till now i only date 2 guys
b4 + him is 3. my problem is. after 1 year .. i lost contact with
him beacuse both of us were busy.. mi help up at my aunty stall and
he is just like a workerholic .. go we didnt met almost many yrs..
he reali very so call. treat me so nice that all the girls in that
company was jealous of me. he did ask me to be his gf...but i don
like thoes so call hooligians arh u know. so i reject him.. and.. i
didnt count how many yrs le lah i think about 5 years we
didnt contact but thi syr on my birthday we meet again at the
pet shop at jurong piont.. and we lalalalalala he exchange num for
me and we went out twice.. i ask about him.. how is n\him. he told
me he been finding for me since the last day leave the company.. i
change my num. and didnt update me. he change a lot.. his english
was.. woahh.. so i asked him.. does he hv a gf now.. he say no then
he ask me the same quest.. we been going out fot 6 month and 1 day
we get together after the movies at cine lesu. sadthing im
dissapoiinted the first time step into his house.... there is a 5
yrs old guy call him daddy.. so.. after he explain.. he toldme. he
was married and divoice.. i was .. why didnt u mention b4...we been
dating for 5 month thn now then i find out.. and he told me that
his ex wife .. they married when his wife was 18 and he was 20..
and his wife flirtin around outside and abort baby a lot of time..
thing that made me angry is.. he said.. 1 day his wife told him
that she prg.. he didnt ask then marrried he liao wor.. his wife
say she very sure that child was his.. they he happy happy go spend
money married her and then when she give birth 2 month later she
outside flirt around and tell him that actuyalli arh the child not
uyrs.. i gt no money .. i abort tiem and mum don wan to help me..
and. then she divoice nv come back.. now boy boy was 5 yrs old... i
and my bf was aready 6 month together .. last night i ask him.. i
didnt know y i will accept u realli.. because i love u . and i
treat boy boy like my own kid also. i bring him out. buy him
thing.. and the thing that made me very lost is.. i don kw what to
do. my bf he very untidy... i clean up his room and he wah lao..
still mk a mess after that..im a buddist he a christ.. ppl say
christian must stay with christian ppl..... if not both of u will
gt pro .. this guy is very caring .. he reali treat me very
well.. but he said b4.. he don think he wan to buy a bew house
after rom and no weddding dinner because he said no money.. im 19..
a childcare teacher goin to be a kindergarden teacher soon after i
gt mt degree.. he work at a company... my pay was 2k plus his
imcome was 1200..and all my friend keep askin me why u so wasted
urself and ask me to leave him.. i don mind how much his income
is.. as long as he is faithful to me. i ok le.. but the thinmg is
.. i been goin to his house for almost 3 month
and his mom was giving me stresss..i kno wgirl go to guy
house over night not very nice.. but his mon and dad and his ask me
to while my family went oversea for 1 month... i wan to go my
relative house but his mom ask me to stay and u know what his mom
very weird..this min good to u another min u walk out of the room
she scold u .. she ask me do house work.. ask me bring boy boy to
school. do thsi and that.. at night come back if she not happy u
cannt shower... my bf leh.. he just know how to say.. don care
about her lah.. he and his mom buay gam 1.. i time try to talk to
him.. it ok... let her scold me lo... i quiet can le lo.. but bring
boy boy go school all these must see. i gt work also...after i come
in to their life.. his mom givin me stress. morning 5.50am haven
wake up she knock the door ask me why i haven wake up.. then
after tt my bf wil shout at her .. i try to stop him but i kena
scold also.. his dad ok ok la;. treat me not bad.,... i wonder..
his ex wife left izzit because his mom. after my parent come back.
i nv stay overnight at his house then the mother say i don like
her. then i explain ... she want me to go over.. so i go over.. and
thn she again ki siao.. i nv ever talk back to her and shout or
rude,, every time she say thing harsh,,, i diam diam lo..al my
friend askin me to leave him... im 19 and he was 28.. i realli
didnt know why i wil be with him. i can choose to leave but this
guy realli touch my heart.. he alwasy so sweet... i bare with his
every thing and his mom.. i almost didnt contact any guy friend and
friend after i been with his because he alwasy insecure when i go
out with friend..im now workin and studyin at the same time... what
in my heart is.,. weather shoudl i continie? because next time
no new houses. no wedding night onli r.o.m and no honey
moon..and he got ' niao suan: that mean when old maybe cannt walk..
he now 20+ aready gt pro liao. i ask him eat medi he also don wan.
he always think he is right.. he gt fever i giv him medi he say no
use 1 lah.. wan me to beg him then he eat.. i don kw why he like
that 1 leh.. how can i slove my pro.. any1? im very very lost
now...
Hi Ahbel Emo,
Please do pardon me for saying so, the biggest obstacle in the
relationship between the two of you is his mother.
You can accept him carrying a potentially life-crippling
disease; accept him despite the fact that he is a divorcee with a
child who is not even his; accept him despite he is earning a much
lower pay than yours - Thus, that speaks a lot of your loving and
gracious character, and your true and honest feelings towards
him.
For the sake of your relationship, you have been putting up with
his mother, but it is unlikely that things can last like this
forever. What I will suggest is for the two of you to rent a cheap
room for the two of you to live together in for the time being.
As for the future, you need not worry too much about it, and do
let time take its flow. Housing is definitely an issue, not only
for the two of you, but also for most newly-wed couples as well. I
have to sincerely apologise here though, for I am unable to give
you a really good solution or suggestion when it comes to such
housing issues.
As for your wedding night, you can actually try out alternatives
to the traditional banquets or restaurant dinners.
I know of an individual who was once in jail, and thus he was
unable to get a high paying job after he was released, even though
he has turned over a new leaf. When he got married, his friends
seek the aid of some fellow Buddhists and even nuns, and everyone
did everything they could to help him out. The Bungalow which is
used as a Buddhist Lodge by the nuns was used a wedding night
dinner celebration area, and all of us did whatever we could to
help him out. One of his friend become his chauffeur and
used his lorry as a wedding car, some of us bring our own bottles
of soft drinks and food ingredients and cooked for his wedding
dinner meals, a beautician help out his wife, some of the odd-jobs
workers help to bring tables and chairs...etc. Knowing of his
finance situation, we refuse red packets with money, and accepted
those with chocolate coins instead.
For your honeymoon, the two of you can leave the child in your
mother's care for a few days, and have a simple trip to Malaysia or
Indonesia.
As for your boyfriend himself, he is worried of making you
worry, that is why he is trying to "act like a man". It is the same
for my boyfriend as well, and I hope I will not offend any of the
male forummers - it is sort of an egoistic thing for guys. You must
let him understand, for a relationship to work out, the two of you
must be open towards each other and share all your problems instead
of keeping it to one self, or trying to "be a man".
I wish from the bottom of my heart all the best to you for your
relationship.
Cheers.