#1 Genie and the 2 Golfers
A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor
golfer.
On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of
a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds
the door open. They go inside
and find a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There
is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?"
"Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in
that lamp when your golf ball smashed it.
Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for
myself since you smashed my lamp.
OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better
golfer."
"Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life."
"Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie announces.
"Good. OK, what do you want?" asks the husband.
"For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife," grins
the genie.
"Hmmm", the husband hesitated, "I guess that's all right. After
all, she broke your lamp,
you've made us rich, and our golf games will be much more
interesting. Go ahead."
So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy
hours the "genie" says to the wife:
"How long have you known your husband?"
"Ten years," she replies.
"How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"
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#2 Ding Dong
A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she
wants a new one.
She submits a classified ad as follows: "Widow looking for a new
husband. To be considered,
you must conform to these three criteria:
1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did).
2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did).
3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)."
A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man
without
any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair.
"Can I help you?" she says.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper."
"Which ad is that?"
"The one looking for a husband."
She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria..."
"Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no
arms."
"Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria."
"And, as you can see, I could never run around on you... I have no
legs."
"Well, yes, that's true... but there was one other thing that is
very important..."
"Ah, yes, well... how do you think I rang the door bell?"
