Originally posted by popikachu:
can someone help me out with this?
i got a compo which i need help as i am really bad in
english...
can anyone help me edit it or saw any mistake like
grammer or spelling mistake of mine? thx in
advance.
the question for this compo is : write about a time when you gave
your hard work but it was not appreciated.
k here it goes....
I sensed a pair of evil and [????]furious eyes of a monster
staring at me. That monster entered my wonderland and
turned it into a nightmare, (his shouts)piercing
my ear with his thunderous roar. Actually, it was my teacher who
caught me sleeping in his lesson again.
The reason i was sleeping in class is all because
of McDonald. It was because
(extra)of that week, where my
(????)stall (wtf???)don't have
enough crew, and (REPHRASE)called me to go back to help
them. (REPHRASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)Thought i have a
choice to chose whether to go or don't. I chose to help my
manager.
I worked during the night shift, from (SMLJ?)sunset the day
before till dawn the next day. I did not get enough sleep
and went straight to school. A few teachers suggested that I quit
my (JOB)work.However, (my family is short on money; so much so that
I have to pay for my bills; like mobile and internet
subscriptions)my family is so poor that I have to earn my
own pocket money to pay for bills such as mobile and internet
subscriptions.
At first, I managed to cope with my work as I only need
[s]to[/s] work for two days per week. However, during one
particular week, my outlet faced shortage of
(STAFF)crew and I had to work everyday during that
week.
It was after my end of year exams, so (KNN, REPHRASE THE
WHOLE BLOODY SENTENCE)i don't need to worry about my studies for
that year. So i went to help them. (capital at
start of sentence???????)life is hard that week,
(don't include such stuff if you don't know how to; it only
turns out flat, LAME, and makes no bloody sense)'alice' who came
from wonderland keep luring me to that land. My teacher
keep staring at me, (SMLJ?????)hoping to
roar at me when i doze off. Coffee seems
to be the only remedy that can help me to stay awake.
After the tiring battle with my heavy
(EYELIDS)eyes during school, i am only
[b](why can't you just say "SLEEP"???????)allowed to go to the
wonderland for two hour each day.
after that i have to go to the
outlet to help that nasty manager of mine to serve the unreasonable
customer. I tried all my best to give my
stall all my energy left within me.
After the third day of this suffering i couldn't
take it anymore. I work with my eyes half closed,
serving all the unreasonable customer with their
unreasonable requests [s]they wanted[/s]. Trying my best to reach
the 'sixty second each customer'
(explain; not everyone knows wtf that is) target with my
last bit of energy.
It was the [b](please be less dramatic)toughest battle
i ever fought in my life. It was more tiring than
my physical training in my CCA, the NPCC. But they just
don't appreciate me. they even
scolded me for being slow in my service, not being attentive to the
needs of my fellow colleagues. After all the help
i gave them they said this to me( correct
punctuation please).
Then i ask myself, why should i bother to help
them at first? I helped them so much and they did not even say the
word (THANK YOU)'thanks'.
The End
i got 450 word but the my teacher wants it 500 at least. i add alot
of boring things inside to make the compo longer liao... but still
not enough... and i think my ending sux... anyone can help plz? or
if can add me in msn and teach me... my msn is
[email protected]
Wah...
Soong Wei Choong.........
Your english truly sucks; even after extensive correction and
rephrasing, it will still barely even manage a PASS.
The backbone; the plot truly is primary school standard.
You need to brush up.
