HE says he sometimes feels like he is 'a monster' when his wife
rejects his advances.
Yet, he insists that he has not done anything against his
conscience.
When contacted for his side of the story, the 41-year-old owner of
a provision shop said: 'I don't see what I did was wrong.
'I'm her lawful husband and with that, comes my right to expect
sex. That's normal.'
'I knew she came from a traditional family background where sex was
a taboo subject. So despite being tempted, we never went that far
when we were dating,' he said.
He said he did not expect things to turn so ugly.
When his wife complained about asthma, he said he even consulted
the family doctor who said it was fine for someone who is asthmatic
to have regular sex.
He admitted that his feeling of hurt by constant rejection soon
turned to fury.
'I felt so insulted. She would have this look of absolute disgust
on her face when I touched her.
'Of course, I was furious. How do you expect me to react?'
Despite this, he claimed he had never looked at other women.
'If I wanted to, I could.
'But I don't do that because our marriage is still sacred to
me.
'So what did I do wrong?'
LOST HIS MIND
As for the alleged violence and forced sex during the period when
the PPO was issued, he said: 'I lost my mind because I was
confused.
'She did not not leave our marital home. She even shared the same
bed with me.
'I thought she was merely venting her anger when she applied for
the order.'
He is aware of her conflicting emotions over their son.
'I want our marriage to work too. I still love her,' he said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hubby can be charged with rape under new law
MADAM Lim would have a case against her husband if he still attacks
her after the proposed law on marital rape comes into force.
Under the impending changes to the criminal law in Penal Code, a
husband can be charged with rape of his wife if she has indicated
formally that she wishes to draw a line with him when it comes to
sexual matters.
This happens when the wife is legally separated from her husband or
when she has applied for a court order to bar the husband from
assaulting her.
When contacted, lawyers noted that a balance had to be struck
between protecting the wives and also the husbands, who could be
framed by allegations of rape by estranged wives out for
vengeance.
That's why a report on marital rape can only stand after the wife
makes her intention clear through formal application.
CAN'T BE BACKDATED
In Madam Lim's case, she would not have been able to bring charges
of rape against her husband for the earlier incidents because the
proposed legal changes are unlikely to be backdated.
However, lawyer Nicholas Cheong noted that if she wished to, she
would still have a case now, by claiming that her husband had
breached the protection order by attacking her.
'Her spouse would likely face a jail term,' he said.
While court prosecution may be an option, counsellors like Ms
Adeline Goh preferred the softer approach, especially when the
parties still want to salvage the marriage.
'This may be better if it is an isolated incident and the marriage
is not beyond rescue,' she said.
She added that a woman's repulsion of sex, such as in Madam Lim's
case, could sometimes be due to a medical condition that could be
treated.
'The situation could have been arrested if she had sought
professional help. She was not only suffering from insecurity and
the fear that her marriage was breaking down, she also had a
medical condition that she was not aware of,' she said.
She was referring to a condition that causes some women to
experience pain during sex.
Psychologist Danny Khoo said: 'In her case, she may feel powerless
and that she has an obligation to fulfil. She probably worries
about how people may look at her like she's at fault.
'She can make up her mind if she wants to leave that 'guilt', or if
she wants to give the marriage another chance. It's also important
for her husband to be involved in the counselling.'
This is something that her husband is open to.
He said: 'I have seen Ms Goh twice. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to
control myself.'
In the end, it boils down to how men and women view the importance
of sex in a relationship.
Mr Khoo, who has counselled many women who are fearful of having
sex with their husbands, said: 'To the man, it's 'give me sex and
I'd show you love' but to the woman, it's 'show me love and I'd
give you sex'.'
