Days.... perhaps a week or more has passed me by...
since i last wrote in this faithful little private space of
mine....
perhaps not too private, perhaps not too exposed... for those who
like to read.... read on...
the reason i've been feeling lost... recently... i may have found
the reason... age.... time is catching up so quickly, and yet as it
draws nearer.... i can't seem to find my goal anymore.... the only
thing on my mind is to pass my exams and get over with the current
level of studies i'm at.... yet, this can only be a short term
goal... getting the piece of paper qualification is nothing more
than just a form of formality.... nothing else really matters after
that.... job wise.... i'm not going into the same field....
lonely... feeling lonely, my frens all went into army already....
all those who are the closest of frens, my buddies.... all in
army... becoming a man, day by day... and i'm still stuck... far
away from my peers now.... yes... times have changed... i'm lonely
because i dun have the usual company of frens whom i used to
confide in alot... now they will have their own lives still... and
i'll just drift further....
lonesome.... yearning... someone told me, it's been a long time
since my ex-gf... and yes, that's true.. that person told me that
it is time to find another gf.... or at least when the time
comes... of course.. yet although i yearn, i do not wish to get
involved with a lady of whom could be my steady... reason being...
i am not ready, i'm afraid, afraid of hurting myself, and afraid of
hurting others... i've become more of a scardy cat, than my usual
proud, and confident me... i now shrink when it comes to such
r/s...
all falling into and out of place.. all pieces of puzzles are
fitting into a picture, yet the pieces come not from a single
puzzle, but from many boxes of puzzles..... the picture might be
grotesque.. the picture may not make any sense... but that
picture.. is me....
millions of fragments of
memories, shattering, falling, crashing
thousands of forgotten pain, healing, yielding, remaining....
hundreds of thoughts still plagues, lingering, harsh, cold,
tens of regrets left alone, shielded, hidden,
shunned.....
