Have... waiting for you to ask only...
[part 2]
as i was saying, God told me to let go of the r/s. It was a really
difficult decision to make. Cos feel he's someone i can spend the
rest of my life with, of course if he wants to also. I bargained
with God for some more days. God was also speaking to me about r/s
in general, if i could accept other people, who may not be
physically attractive, shorter than me etc. I walked through that
and realise that i could.
So finally, i made the decision after one last group outing, a
chalet. he was there too. On sat night, i cried my heart out to God
for i knew that was it. It was really no use holding on to it. My
girlfriends were with me saw me cry my heart out. I knew when i
went to church the next day i'll leave it at the altar and not turn
back.
I left for church on Sun morning. He drove us there. when the
pastor came to the pulpit, he said that God's love is so strong
there. God wants us to know that He loves us. I cried. Felt that's
what i needed to know. I held back tears throughout service. When
it was over, i walked up to my mentor and told her to pray for me.
I said it's about A. I did not say much. She prayed and amongst
other things, said that 'A and you will always remain as special
friends.'
Having surrendered, I didn't want to think more about it. I told a
close mutual friend that i'll be honest with him that day and close
the chap of my life. I told myself even if i did not get married in
future, it'll be all right. God's love was so strong in my
life.
without my knowledge, one of my girlfriends checked out the chalet
with him. She spent the whole afternoon talking to him. She asked
him point blank what she thought of me and to just let me know if
he does not have feelings. so after the service, she msg me and
said that she's so happy that she wanted to cry. I read it that she
was so happy to know the truth, that he does not have feelings for
me and hence wanted to cry.
I met up with in the evening of the same day. We took a long walk
and we talked for hours. Finally (plucking up all the courage i had
that day), i asked him how his last year was. He said ok. I told
him mine was terrible. Since i had this feelings for him and after
the declaration, couldn't just be friends. so everytime we are in a
group, it got really awkward. I said to his face that i still had
feelings for him after the faithful night we talked. but now i'm
going to let them go. he surprised me by saying that he was
actually quite confused. But he decided to give it a go, give us a
go. Actually my friend who boo-booed with the message met up with
me before i saw him and told me the truth. But since i left the r/s
(or any possibility of it at the altar), i did not want to tell him
i knew. I was just going to close the chapter and move on with my
life.
Hope you are not confused by now. let me sum up what i'm trying to
say:
1) when i had feelings for him, he was my world.
2) God told me to let Him be my world and trust Him
3) i realised how much God loves me and really knows what's best
for me
4) God will never take away something from me, just to see me
cringe
5) i amen to jer 29:11, that he knows his plans for my life, plans
to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a
future.
Do you know the ending? i'm now married to A!! it's something i
never thought could happen but did. I'm not implying that the same
will happen to you. But i'm saying that when God is put in proper
perspective in your life, that is first, all things will fall into
place. God loves you too much to withhold any good thing from you.
Remember that!!
That's why i can sing 'Jesus loves me, this i know' and really
understand how much Jesus loves me. 
