50 other ways To Say I
Love You
1. If my heart were a baked potato, Id serve it to you with extra
butter and sour cream.
2. Your terrible personality isnt so terrible after a few drinks
and even when I sober up, its not as terrible as everyone
says.
3. Id shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and
take a vinegar bath for you.
4. I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce
off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.
5. The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice
cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped
laughing, I thought, Im the same way when you dont call when you
say you will.
6. I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didnt run
screaming. So there.
7. Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.
8. Umm
like
you and me? Yeah. You and me.
9. You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a
pirate.
10. You are the hole in my donut.
11. I am the pork, you are the beans.
12. You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.
13. You are my personal parachute.
14. If you were a margarita, Id drink you by the bucket.
15. I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,
like, like you.
16. If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, Id lean
against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking
you if you liked the punch.
17. I dont love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence
immensely.
18. Ill still want to have sex with you even when youre old,
fat, and ugly.
19. You had me at Stop following me.
20. Your farts smell like vanilla.
21. Were a two person chain gang.
22. I am valedictorian of the University of You.
23. If you needed a kidney transplant, Id also throw in a bonus
lung.
24. The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick,
steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat
irregularly when you come into my line of sight.
25. You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help
gurus.
26. While youre in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from
the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep
tied around my neck.
27. You suck! So good.
28. If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters,
Id gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic
gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you
myself.
29. When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would
be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was
thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter
and my hair fall out? Thats like you.
30. We are totally codependent and I dont want it any other
way.
31. This is the happily ever after part of the damn fairy tale,
dig?
32. If you were a handful of genital crabs, Id never change my
underwear.
33. Im not saying we shouldnt see other people. Im just saying
Ill chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball
bat.
34. I am your blank check. Dont bounce me.
35. Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful
piehole.
36. If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a
saline solution-filled fish tank, Id feed you, change your water,
and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass
robot body.
37. If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael
Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then Id be
the first to stand in line to buy diapers.
38. Youre such a fucking asshole! And so am I. Lets forgive each
other, get drunk, and screw.
39. If I was smart, Id follow you around like a puppy and never,
ever crap in the corner.
40. Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away
you away on my sweet chopper
Id also buy you a beer and a basket
of fries.
41. I wrote you a poem: You walk in beauty like the night/ which
means youre the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I dont
get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always
right.
42. Im a grown up and just face the facts that youre my security
blanket.
43. You dont know it, but right here, right now, is the point in
the musical montage part of the movie. Lets split a pretzel and go
for a walk on the footbridge.
44. Not only would I die for you, Id bitch slap Satan a good one,
too.
45.Look: youre the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some
batteries while Ill clean my shotgun.
46. Im a junky for your instant messages.
47. I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as
dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it
was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to
good. Isnt that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass
the ketchup.
48. Youre my best and only naked friend.
49. Id smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and
every eventual tumor.
50. Lets set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment,
shall we? I love you. Wow
wasnt that just like lame movie Reality
Bites? Youve never seen it? Its awesome
in a totally stupid
way.
