Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
let it take.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha
ha) only that it would be a martyr.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced
with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in
a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by
rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation
processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen
helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge,
capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes
and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program
Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse
cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with
Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation
industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to
leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve
the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully architecting and
implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in
a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment
which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive
towards the creation of a total business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The
chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep
him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing
walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been
naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically
disposed to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of
reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it
transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual
relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working
American.
L.A.P.D.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find
out.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've
not been told!
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was
good enough for us.
GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because he was an
evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the
run!
