Think My Wife Is Having Affair

last SG · 2011-11-27T19:22:00+00:00

I am of the opinion there is no ’’solution’’ until self-honesty intuits and is communicated or expressed to each other in spite of the fears or ….Otherwise,...

Darkness_hacker99 SG

Know each other for just 1 year already can fling liao she probably won't be a good mother. When the child grow up next time, the child will detest the mother for being such a $&@(*#@. The relationship between the wife and the manager is just infatuation to the extent of supreme stupidity. She's gonna be a bad mother and will deserve her karma!!!! .

jojobeach SG

Chill it bro.

Go to the temple and get your little paper man cut out. Don't forget the wooden clogs.

[imdestinyz] SG

sometimes i just dun get it... what use is it of now that TS wife jus cries when TS questioned her about the affair. The moment she has decided to seek this so called love from another person, she should have seen this coming. She forsake her marriage and all the love or whatsoever that has lead her to her marriage just becos someone else could fulfill her so called desire to be wanted(assuming that her desire is to be wanted).

When things went out of hand and a divorce is at stake, even having committed adultery(not sure what exactly constitute adultery, but right now this looks like one) she asks for the custody of the child? No offense to woman but wad kind of nonsense woman is this? 1 yr of knowing a person and she disregards a r/s which took years to build, tore down a marriage commitment and yet still asks for the child's custody? Where does that put TS then? If TS is really that sucky to have not fulfilled her wants, then have she fulfilled TS wants? and if she takes away the custody of the child, what is TS left with then? I believe this woman is just selfish enough to only think of she and herself where her needs out weigh all other issues.

Is a marriage with someone like this really worthwhile salvaging?

[imdestinyz] SG

i believe for 1 time jojo might be right that you should leave for a while... let her take care of her daughter for a extended period of time. She needs to come back to reality, life is neither a dream nor a fantasy.

Medicated Oil SG

The wife better get the young manager that she love deeply to marry her.

Or else she can prepare herself to be a single mother.

Fugazzi SG

Some here have suggested that he should not rush into divorce. Yes, it is very commendable. However, TS has to understand this that – as long as he does not RECONCILE to his psychological hangovers of the past and accept what is not and most importantly forgive out of love , not of need, not out of fear.

Forgivint to save the marrriage, forgiving to secure himself, forgiving for the sake of the child – is simply bullshitting onself.

Forgive for the sake of forgiving and without any expectations that the spouse has to behave from now on or in the future.

Hence, in my many postings I will stress the essence of being self-fulfilled (not to be confused with egoic needs/expectations). One cannot give what one does not have. To pretend and the pretense of having (when the reality is that of lacking WITHIN) causes immense suffering. Has all the material acquistions added to the marriage. The latter are utiliites: a human being pulsates, evolves or regresses – these latter is what many seem to overlook and assume that by doing things it will sustain a marriage or .. yes, for a short while but it is simply not sustainable. Marriages dont die, people who are alredy ’’dead’ are looking for a ’’life’’ in ….....

Otherwise, this fear will permeate, and anxiety will dominoe one’s daily living moments

allkosong SG

Let's not be too quick to judge/criticize who is right, who is wrong. We will never know what really transpired between TS and his wife, moreover, we have only heard one side of the story.

To divorce or not divorce? I have seen cheaters who decided to give up their lover and managed to rebuild marriage successfully. I have also seen couples who opt for divorce and each now living happily with his/her new partner. It really depends on what works best for the 2 people concerned (everyone's personality and priorities are different).

mancha SG

Besides looking at his own situation, he should also consider the wife's.

She may want to breakaway.

Despite all best effort, let the one who is unwilling to stay, go.

M874 SG

u can live with that??? try to find out whether it is true lah, if she is really hving affair u can divorce or ask her to stop lah

[imdestinyz] SG

u can live with that??? try to find out whether it is true lah, if she is really hving affair u can divorce or ask her to stop lah

都到了这个地步了，还有可能是假的么？

jojobeach SG

If she want to go..she'd already be gone by now.

Divorce can be initiated by either party. Not just the husband lah.

Veggie Bao SG

Hi friend....I am not sure whether you are still reading this thread......if you are.....may I suggest some viewpoints for your consideration.......

I think you should think long term.....

Maybe you should take some time off and think carefully and deeply first.....dont take a rash decision to divorce....especially now since you are still emotional....

Take a time to calm down and think.

Because considering that you two are newly married, your wife is relatively young, and you already have a daugther.

Do you want to be a divorcee ? Do you want your daugther to be split, do you want to be split from your daugther, and just visit her during some schedules ? Do you want her to have a step-father and a complicated family environment. This is not nice for your daugther and also not nice for you.

Also, is it really true that your wife is totally not loving you anymore, or is it just an office fling and she can still be turned around.

I know it doesnt look that way, and even she herself said she fell in love with him, but you have to judge it.

I got the impression your wife is just too naive and a bit gullible and not mature yet.

Maybe you can consider giving her a chance.

If it is still possible to correct the path, I believe the cost is less than divorcing. I'm not talking about money cost, but emotional cost.

Just think about that first......

Good luck and I wish you the best......

Ohh yes another thing.....

You said you met with her fling at the airport...? How did he react..? How was his face ? Did he pretend to ignore you..? Was he embarassed, or he didnt even care...?

If I am you, I think I would go to look for him and punch him in the face. No need to be scared. No need to worry you will cause a scene. Find him somewhere and punch him. Dont just talk to your wife only. Another man is invading your life and destroying your family and stealing your wife. Hey, you have to do something and fight back. You have to raise the cost to him. How can he do this and just dont care. You have to know who your enemy is and take action to deal with him. If you just dont do anything he will walk all over you and take you as a fool.

First, go and punch the guy, and second, pause your plan of divorce and rethink the future.

If you can find the inner strength to maintain your family and try to save your family and your marriage, you have to change some basic things. First of all, you must demand that your wife resign from there and change job totally and cut off all contacts with him. You must demand that she never again come home late in future jobs. All these you have to talk to your wife.

Good luck and all the best......

jojobeach SG

Hi friend....I am not sure whether you are still reading this thread......if you are.....may I suggest some viewpoints for your consideration.......

I think you should think long term.....

Maybe you should take some time off and think carefully and deeply first.....dont take a rash decision to divorce....because considering that you two are newly married, your wife is relatively young, and you already have a daugther.

Also, is it really true that your wife is totally not loving you anymore, or is it just an office fling and she can still be turned around.

I got the impression your wife is just too naive and a bit gullible and not mature yet.

Maybe you can consider giving her a chance.

If it is still possible to correct the path, I believe the cost is less than divorcing. I'm not talking about money cost, but emotional cost.

Just think about that first......

Good luck and I wish you the best......

Ohh yes another thing.....

You said you met with her fling at the airport...? How did he react..? How was his face ? Did he pretend to ignore you..? Was he embarassed, or he didnt even care...?

First, go and punch the guy, and second, pause your plan of divorce and rethink the future.

Good luck and all the best......

I agree. Go punch that man.. at the work place. Let the higher management know of his unethical behavior.

Most likely he will get sacked. Then he won't be her manager anymore.

Medicated Oil SG

If the thread starter punched the guy, he will lose his job, get sued and will land in jail.

He will lose the custody of the gal.

So, is it worth it ?

He will need to work things out with his wife and decide whether to keep the marriage alive.

If it is the end, then he will have to make arrangement for his gal and himself.

This is life and some thing you just have to learn to accept.

Nothing to be ashamed about being a divorcee as there are lots of them around.

It will be harder for the little gal to handle the divorce at an early age.

Fugazzi SG

I cannot beleive what I am reading here lah, this is no way to save a marriage. Only by reconciliation (if both are tenable) is there a possiblitty. Ts’s spouse is partly responsible and till that is acknowledged it is unwise to simply blame this other man.
Frankly, Ts n his spouse were accidental and it was waiting to happen in the marraige. – if it did not happen now, it would have happened sooner.

jojobeach SG

TS wife is being serenaded by that man using COMPANY resources.

He is also her manager.. it is unethical behavior already.

Perhaps an annonymous call to the top management will suffice ?

Anyway.. some people needs to be taught a lesson.

Today, it's TS's wife.. tomorrow.. he'll be doing it to someone else.

Don't need to be discreet to shameless people.

[imdestinyz] SG

i think what ts shld probably do now is actions that will get him the custody of child. If a reconcillation is interest, let the wife ask for it first. She choose to give up everything for the sake of love from this new guy. If she wants everything back again, she herself alone mus initiate the reconcillation and mus make an effort to let TS feels that it is possible.

As for the other guy, probably that can be dealt with later.

Veggie Bao SG

Well.....actually yes, maybe physically attacking him is not wise because of the factor of the law.

But still you must do something to confront him. Maybe you dont need to physically attack him but threaten him verbally or do something else. I'm serious.

In any case, take time to cool off and calm down......and dont be too hard on yourself, you didnt do anything wrong.

If there is something that you did do wrong, if I may say it, is that you were not assertive enough and were too passive. You sleepwalked into it and didnt pay enough attention. When your wife was repeatedly fetched around, you should have noticed something and taken an action then. Once or twice is normal, but repeated fetching is abnormal but yet you still just be accepting and just let it be. And repeated late night coming home, that is also another thing, but again you didnt notice it, or noticed it but didnt confront your wife enough.

So this should be your lesson, dont be passive, in life you must pay attention to your surroundings and you must take action yourself if you dont want events to spin out of control. From now on whatever decision you take, whether you stay and try to save the marriage or not, you must always remember it, take decisive actions and stand up for yourself.

Fugazzi SG

If this so-called marriage wrecker was a woman, would everyone sing the same tune. Look at the mind-games humans play lah!

PS – Custody is not for Ts or spouse to decide – unless if and when Ts assuming he wants custody can prove with irrefutable evidence not of adultery but that his spouse is unfit to be mother. The spouse can do the same but without evidence – it is all empty talk. He can say all he wants to and she can say all she wants to in court, nothing doing excepting concrete evidence. The court gives precedence to the well-being and welfare of the child – the decision is not to soothe adults whimisical ego-trips!

jojobeach SG

If this so-called marriage wrecker was a woman, would everyone sing the same tune. Look at the mind-games humans play lah!

Have you not known a female home wrecker who got beaten up by a gang of aunties ?

My neighbour went and ripped that woman's apartment, hair and clothes to pieces. The naked pictures and scratched marks across her pretty face... it's scary. Ofcors my neighbour wasn't the victim lah.. she was helping out her friend !!

They sat in detention and paid a fine after police came lah.

From then on.. that woman dared not call the cheater again !!

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