No.. I never once took my husband as back-up. In fact, i believe
I love my hubby more. hubby and I share so much meaningful
experiences and been through more ups and downs together (although
hubby and I got together only 3 yrs + ago). I feel that I
understand my hubby better also, due to the fact that through the 8
yrs I knew the other man, he (other man) was not in Singapore most
of these times. When we first met, he was studying in London and
after he graduated, he worked in Dubai instead of coming home. We
could never get together for real cos he's not here. I hardly spent
any time with other man doing real activities like shopping,
dining, groceries, errands.
Our feelings for each other (me and other man) are gradually and
very steadily built up over this long period of 8 yrs over
conversations online.
Who's to discount feelings and emotions felt in this manner? We
certainly do not care for each other any less just because we
weren't really physically together much of this time.
I stress again, that I think I have feelings for this man, but I
love my husband more. And whenever I get frustrated with my
marriage, when things dun go well, I think about how i wont be
suffering that shit if I had married the other man instead.
There are certain things, which he is superior to my husband in
(he has much nicer parents and family, and a better family
background), shit thing which I have to deal with my husband. So
when my hubby's gross and disgusting family bug me, I think and
reminiscence of other man and what could have been.
It is possible to love two people. Don't you know that? It does
not mean I love him more than I love my husband.
But right now I'm wrack with guilt for loving another man while
I'm married to and do love my hubby. I'm afraid other man's someone
that I may never forget, or ever completely get over. He'll always
have a special place in my heart. And he had been such an important
emotional rock through the painful moments of my life for 8 yrs and
made me laugh so much over 8 yrs, much of it was conducted online,
even though we shared few actual moments in the same country doing
things together.
the fact that he chose to end our unusual "affair" and
relationship with each other after he learnt that I was getting
married, makes me want him even more cos it shows what an upright
and good man he is.
The interesting part of a lady's perspective. A man who is upright
is someone they are attracted to, yet, he becomes not upright if he
decides to be with you. How paradoxical is that?
Anyway, I once fell head over heels in love with a girl, that
had a hot and cold relationship with me for 4 years, until I
met my wifey. However, because it was hot and cold, there was
always this strange yearning to see this girl again. I thought
carefully to myself, and reasoned that it is closure that I needed,
and told my wife that I needed to see this girl one last time.
And so I went to meet this girl, and my heart finally shut down
that yearning. It's like a chapter closed. It was just something
about "What might have been?", and once I saw her again, and
understood myself better, I never thought of her again.
